One year old cries before naps even when held

[QuilliamCakespeare]

DS2 has never been an easy napper. When he was smaller I'd take him out in the pram but as he's got older it's less reliable because he's so busy looking around. I'm now able to get him to sleep in the cot, when he finally settles, but settling him is a nightmare. Basically, he screams/cries for a good 5-10 minutes before he quiets down and goes to sleep. I have no issue with rocking him (or pushing him in the pram) to sleep but even then he screams. Now he's bigger and stronger it's he getting harder to hold him during the fight. I've tried lying him in the cot to pat him instead, or leaving him (briefly - prob 30 to 60 seconds) alone in case he wants less contact but nothing seems to help. Sometimes I have to literally shout his name to snap him out of what looks like a temper tantrum. He's still having two naps a day and I'm absolutely dreading having to settle him for each one because it's so stressful.

Extra info: He's bf but I'm trying to keep it to bedtime, overnight, and first thing because I'm back to work soon. He's only just started accepting a bottle but I'm not offering it before morning nap because I've switched that feed for a snack (usually around 10am). For the afternoon nap he usually has milk first.

So... any a) similar experiences/insights and b) solutions. I'm at my wit's end!

Thanks.

I feel for you, DD was really hard to get to nap or sleep till 2, then it just clicked after 3 days of the 3 day Nanny method (no eye contact, firm it's bedtime, put back in bed, repeat ad infinitum. It might be that you need to do some gentle sleep training, but I couldn't find anything that worked at 1. Would a bottle or beaker of milk help?

It's really hard isn't it? I'm going through the same with my 12mo. At bedtime she settles without any problem but nap time (twice a day) involves me walking her round a dark room while she screams and tries to arch out of my arms. In the cot she often has what looks like a tantrum too where she throws herself on the mattress.

Does he sleep more easily after the bottle? I've just started trying this with mine and can't say it's made much difference. The frustrating thing is, i know she's tired, as on the really bad occasions where I give in and BF her she falls asleep!

I have a feeling you might just have to hang in there for a few months. With DD1 things got easier when she dropped to one nap and was walking more. Then you can power them out in the fresh air in the morning, give them lunch and they sleep more easily. The two nap / learning to walk period is just a bit crap really!

I dread naptime too and my shoulder is completely wrecked from carrying her.

I'm off now to read about the technique PP mentioned.

Thanks @chloechloe . It's reassuring to know it isn't just me! I dodged afternoon nap today because he slept in the car . DS1 was such a chilled baby so this is new territory. I used to rock or kiss him to sleep, much more relaxing!

@DesignedForLife I'll have to read up on that. He starts nursery soon so perhaps they'll magically fix it for me....

I wouldn't even try to rock my 14mo to sleep, or put him in his cot - there's no way that'd work! He'd go bananas!

I put him in my bed and then lie down next to him. He loves that when he's tired. If he fights it then it usually means he's not tired enough yet (although sometimes he's overtired and then it's a nightmare regardless).

We cosleep though so I don't know if other people might see this as a bad habit. It probably is but I don't care as long as he sleeps!

@FartnissEverbeans I firmly believe there are no bad habits - you just do what you gotta do to get them to sleep and the rest works itself out. My eldest was rocked and sung to sleep for months and started self-settling in his own sweet time when he was ready. Little bro is a different beast, however!

Ds1 was never a good napper, mostly napping in the pram and car from a few months old. When he was about 1 though I tried hard to conquer the cot nap. With limited success. But, he would rarely nod off with me in the room (even though he did at bedtime with gradual retreat). For naps he just got worse and worse. If I left him alonevery he would shout more than cry and eventually give up and sleep . Some days though he'd be at it for an hour.

I gave up after a few months as I found it too stressful. He dropped naps altogether at just turned 2. Unless we are out in the car late afternoon when he might have 20 minutes or so.

Argh. Daddy has just rocked him to sleep and he screamed for AGES. I feel like we're doing unintentional Cry It Out (which personally I'm really not into) but I don't know how to get him to sleep any other way. He was definitely tired because he's been up since 5. Perhaps we left it too long to try but it was as soon as breakfast and showers were done so difficult to do any sooner. I don't know how nursery are going to manage this

My 8 month old cries when being put down for a nap. I rock her to sleep in the pram and oddly I know she’s tired by the crying as if she isn’t tired she’ll just look around and chatter. If she gets really upset I’ll shake a noisy toy like bells etc which tends to distract her from the crying and she’ll go to sleep. I don’t like it but I haven’t found another way to get her to sleep and if I leave her too long between sleeps she gets even more stressed

My 9mo also cries when being rocked to sleep. He’s aways fought naps although we did have a brief blissful period when he stopped fighting so much - sadly it didn’t last long.

You’re not doing “cry it out” if you’re holding/cuddling him. Cry it out is leaving him to cry alone in his cot until he cries himself to sleep. Studies have shown that even when babies are crying they are less stressed when they cry in your arms than when they’re alone.

I don’t have any suggestions I’m afraid as I’m really struggling myself (it’s not just naps for us, nights are awful) but just want to let you know that you’re not alone. I also dread putting him down for a nap. And he rarely sleeps for too long either!

Have you tried not fussing him and just doing a mini bedtime routine, putting him in his cot and leaving him for the 5-10 minutes to fall asleep? Could be that lots of handling when he's tired, especially if you're feeling tense and stressed and like you're 'fighting' him ,might be winding him up more?

@NameChange30 and @user1493413286 thank you so much. It honestly really helps to know it's not just me struggling with this.

@Marcine Funnily enough I did try something a bit like that this afternoon. He still cried and fussed but I sang to him and tried to pat him (he kept rolling over so it wasn't very successful!) but he did quiet down a lot. He also stayed lying down which I took as a sign that he was at least cooperating a bit and on some level accepted that he needed to nap! Eventually I ended up rocking him to sleep but it wasn't as painful a process as this morning so I'll try the cot thing again tomorrow AM I think.

Just in case you are worried about the nursery part, my DS (now 2.5) has always been a tricky napper (I still have to hold him while he shouts no until he gives in and cuddles to sleep) but at nursery he just lays down and shuts his eyes, I think because everyone is napping they just go with it.
At that age I think I carried on feeding to sleep for an easy life though so can't really help with at home stuff. Although if you are only stopping that due to nursery starting soon, I carried on feeding for nap time on his days off and my supply adjusted so that it worked for us.
Good luck!

Thanks @UnderTheSleepingBaby . I'm hoping nursery can work their magic. They certainly did with my eldest although he was happy to have a cuddle then drop off. The two of them are like night and day! Number two is much harder with but he has such a cheeky, fearless approach to everything, I can't help but adore him for it