Don't want to leave kids with sister-in-law

[dominate]

Hi.

So me and my husband are and logger heads. He wants his sister to be more involved in our kids lives, by looking after them on her own while we go out.

She is 40 and is in the film industry so she hangs around with a lot of 'recreational' drug users and she herself partakes in the activity when she's at parties and such and when clubbing at the weekends. Her last boyfriend whom she met on the internet was doing so much coke she did actually dump him. She parties hard, the total opposite to myself and my husband. We're 100% anti drugs and I hate all that.

My husbands argument is that she only does this at parties and going out and leads a responsible life apart from this and would never do drugs around the kids. My point is that I can't see her being that responsible if she does this in her spare time,it's illegal and morally wrong and I just don't feel comfortable with leaving my kids with her. He says the majority of people wouldn't feel this way, it's me being unreasonable...

Also my dad is an recovering alcoholic. He hasn't been drunk for 4 years or more now and is extremely loving and close to the children and to be honest his grandchildren have turned his life around. My husband says if we can leave the kids with him, we can leave them with his sister who still actively leads this lifestyle and sees no wrong in it.

What do you all think? My kids are 2, 5 and 7 btw.

Thanks in advance.

To be honest any single part would have been bad but the sum of it together made it worse.
Drinking&driving (regardless of kids in the car)
No car seat
Going to the pub (not on about a fayre&square type/kid friendly place)
I wasn’t aware she’d made plans to go out, if I had I would have found alternative childcare. Didn’t think to mention car seat as they were staying in.

So she didn't know she needed a car seat. What's wrong with taking her to the pub?

I honestly can’t think what’s right with it 😂
Some places are simply only suitable for adults, not only that I’m pretty sure everyone there would have been really chuffed about having a 2yr old join their evening 🤔

If she wants to look after them, then I agree with your dh.
What she does when she isn't in front of the dc is up to her. If it doesn't impact her life (as per the first reply - turns up to work on time, functions as an adult in all aspects of her life - then it won't affect your dc whilst she is looking after them. IME though, an Aunty looks after their dns to help out the parents - I'm not sure she'd want to give up her time to help out you as you so obviously don't want her to.

Just because someone wants to look after them doesn’t mean you have to allow it. My mother would love to babysit but she is not able, so we all do things together.

I don't get what you think she's going to do when she looks after your kids, babysitting isn't exactly hard, are you worried she's going to snort them?

Oh give it a rest, Bertrand. What kind of clueless individual in this day and age doesn't know about carseats for little ones? I certainly wouldn't want someone so oblivious to the world around them to look after my DS. It's not like Lollipop is complaining because her cousin fed her PFB tinned soup for lunch, instead of the organic hempseeds she'd knitted earlier. Anyone with half an ounce of awareness knows toddlers need to be in a carseat.

Has he actually asked his sister? She might be horrified at the idea of being expected to babysit.

If you don't feel comfortable leaving your children with her then don't. Your children come first, no matter who it upsets, trust your gut feeling and don't be pressurised into a situation you're not comfortable with.