Advice re PND?

[Ohb0llocks]

Not sure where to start really, DS2 is 6 weeks old, he’s a chubby gorgeous little thing!

Pretty shit late pregnancy/birth. Pre eclampsia, induction, very fast labour, hemmorage, hospital stay. Felt a bit crap about all of this, and made me very anxious about health (mine, and both DS’s - DS1 is 3)

And now I’ve got mastitis which I was petrified of in the first place. Went for my 6 week check today and completely broke down sobbing. I just feel so fucking crap about life at the minute. DS is breastfeeding every 2 hours, sometimes more often, quite fussy on the boob at times, very windy. Feel like I’m just sick to the back teeth of being ‘faffed’, I’m all touched out. And I’m sick of medical appointments and illness. I feel like my bond with my 3 year old has all but been ruined. I miss him SO much even though he is obviously here when not at Nursery.

Limited on going places, I’m a bit nervous about feeding in public and scared of taking DS2 out incase he gets an illness.

DP has been massively supportive and has mentioned formula feeding. Must admit I have thought about it too, especially as I’m petrified of getting mastitis again. But I’d feel like I’ve really let DS down, and that if he got poorly it would be my fault. I’ve also read that breastfeeding reduces the risk of sids so that’s another reason I don’t want to give up!

My head is honestly all over the place and DS is rooting on me yet again, I’ve been in tears pretty much all day. I just want to be happy and enjoy both my children.

Is that even coherent? God knows. My heads a bloody mess.

Anyone?

HELLO

I'm here! just typing a message!

If you want to give formula, give formula. Your mental health is important. You need to enjoy your time with your children.

You could try mixed feeding?

Having to type with one hand as DD2 who is ten weeks is on my right boob!
I SO GET YOU! You aren't alone! Sleep deprivation is a cunt. Your body is still trying to recover. I had a section and DD was so colicky and windy and was in hospital at 2ws for 6 days with sepsis. I totally get what you mean about the wind and the endless apts. DD is like a different creature on the boob now at ten weeks and i am glad i stuck it out, but having a happy mummy is the most important thing!
Speak to your HV. I can't tell you how amazing a touch of citalopram is too so maybe talk to your GP?

And the bond with your 3 year old will come back i promise. I was so worried about DS but seeing him love DD is so great. hang on in there! I guarantee you are doing awesomely!

Thankyou!

I can’t take citalopram, or sertraline. Bad reactions to both. I used to take imipramine for anxiety.

DS1 just pushed me over the edge.

‘You’re not a rubbish Mummy it’s hard work when you’ve got a baby’

And

‘Mummy you’re the coolest, you’re 68 cool’ ❤️ god I love him

Good for you for not giving up on breastfeeding! I am 5 weeks post emergency C section , stayed for 8 days in the hospital, DS gone hypogly whilst in, then I was readmitted twice due to high BP.

All I can say is don't be too hard on yourself, one of the obstetric docs told me she was a great advocate of breastfeeding but not at the expense of mum's physical and mental health.

Thanks sunglasses. Sorry to hear you’ve had a crappy time too.

6 weeks is an absolute bastard isn't it. It was my breastfeeding low point with both my kids. First time round I had mastitis, both times I was completely touched out, and second time round I felt absolute grief both at losing my perfect bond with DS1 and at not (yet) having the same bond with DS2.

All I can say is it gets so much better. It's so hard but so worth it. Hang on in there. Try and juggle the kids with DP a bit so you get alone time with each of them, and also alone alone time without anyone. Regarding feeding, do whatever you think will be best for everyone, including you. Look after yourself.

That’s exactly how I feel. Grief and touched out. And very anxious about my health.

I was prone to plugged ducts, and this is a la Leche league page I found helpful for sorting them out:

www.llli.org/nb/nbmarapr07p76.html

Your DS's both sound fabulous. Like mine! I had my bond with DS1 back very quickly, different but bigger iyswim. And DS2 i loved, of course, but then I fell properly, madly in love with him when he was about 4 months old. And watching them grow and play and giggle together is the best thing.

Give it all a bit of time

And insist your DP takes them both on the weekend so you can have a lie-in. That's the thing I should have done differently

Hi OP! For what it's worth, I think you are doing well as you have been through quite a lot. I hope you feel better soon.

I don’t think I’ve had s plugged duct, or at least not that I know of. No lump or anything.

Started with a bloody cough and sneezes now 🙄

They are both awesome, thankyou. And love each other so much. Well, as much as 6 week olds can anyway!

I breastfed my ds for the first 5 months out of nothing but guilt, feeling like I had to! When I look back now I was so bloody miserable as I never did it in public and would base my days around feeding him and I was lucky as he fed every 4 hours! Also when you breastfeed your body still thinks your pregnant so the pregnancy hormones stick around which can make you not feel yourself.
I'm pregnant with my second and I will still try to breastfeed as it could be a completely different experience but if I start feeling down again I'll be switching to formula. The fact you've done it for 6 weeks is amazing anyone and you deserve a pat on the back, but if you feel it's getting you down I would personally go on to formula for your own sanity xxx

Thanks toddler.

HV coming today so going to speak to her about how to make the switch without my boobs playing up again.

Spoke with lovely HV today. Gave lots of advice re stopping BF, And also carrying on.

Made me feel a bit better, kind of got to the bottom of things in that it’s the mastitis that’s scared me shjtless. Worried I’ll get it again but worse and end up it’s sepsis etc. In with GP tomorrow morning to discuss pnd and what route we’re going to take.

With mastitis, would I know if the antibs went working? Boob isn’t sore anymore really so surely that’s a good sign?

Gp appointment in an hour. Feeling a bit crappy again today. Just don’t know how to pull myself out of this constant cycle of worry. It’s bloody shit.

Yes, I mean don't trust me on this but I just assumed everything was ok once temperature came down and breast was no longer swollen or sore.

Really glad to hear you are getting some support with it all