Evening pandemonium-can someone help me sort my dds out?

[KateF]

My dds are 7.6, 5.11 and 2.9. They are lovely children but their evening antics are driving me to a breakdown! It is one long round of howling, fighting and tantrums from their bath at around 6pm onwards and sometimes they are not settled down until after 8.30. I am just exhausted by trying to get baths,schoolwork and stories done and it is all getting very shouty and horrible. Any suggestions appreciated but don't ask if dh can help because he's not home until much later (very sore point )

This is a tuff one, how are you?

knackering, i know what it is like!

do they have to have baths every night?

try counting to 10?

Do you put them to bed at different times . And like the other poster said do they really need a bath every night , I mean depending on what they have done each day ie sport and such like . Just looking at your post could you not bath the little one during the day or do you work . Can you prepare evening meal in advance so you can give them all your time . Can you give them exact things to do instead of letting them run riot ie puzzels ,colouring ,board games ,cards .

Thanks, some good ideas there. I have dropped bath on a Tuesday when I have to pick dd1 up from Brownies at 8pm but may drop it on another night too. dd1 has some urinary probs so I like to bath her as worry about her being pongy from damp knickers. dds 2 and 3 are just mucky little tikes . I try to get evening meal mostly prepared in advance and that's not really an issue it's the bath, reading/spelling, stories bit that's causing trouble. Littlest is tired and grumpy and the other two are very competitive and vie for my attention - I just cannot make them stop and wait for their turn. It really is getting me down, I love them so much but I can't cope with this night after night and now dh wants to go to work at the weekend too

Can you possibly start an hour earlier with the whole routine? You don't necessarily have to do youngest first if older ones could have a quick top and tail and watch a video as a treat while you deal with littleones. Would anothe mum bring your dd back from brownies if you offer to take hers? I am always happy to to a return trip for someone else as i don't have younger ones, and they reciprocate by taking dd to brownies for me. Would that help?

when you get howling and tantrums it usually means they are too tired to cope with the bed time routine - too much noise and activity when they are already tired.

I do feel for you - it is exhausting.

Do you have a shower? My 9 year old was happy to have a quick shower when she came in from school from the age of about 7. Then she only needed hands face and teeth before bed at 7pm. She was allowed to read in bed or listen to a story cd or music. She is my youngest, but she still doesn't get a story every night, but gets one to one at other times.

3littlefrogs-you're quite right, they are overtired, especially dd2. That's why I'm so frustrated by it. If they would just cooperate it could all be done much more quickly! I get their meal ready for 5 o'clock and bath for 6 but it is taking hours from that point. How do I get things done quicker without resorting to yelling like a banshee? I may have to resort to the MN pasta jar
Re Brownies - unfortunately the dds go to an out of catchment school (where Brownies is held)and all the others live close by and walk whereas I have to drive.

Echo the other posters. If you space their bedtimes and put the others in front of video or some other quiet activity then maybe you'll get a little nice time with each of them instead of them all vying for attention.
The whole time might be just as long, but less stressy.

Unfortunately no shower - hope to sort bathroom out this year and have one installed.

one thing we do is once upstairs to get ready for bed, no going downstairs for anyone (including me!)
can you get the youngest into bed while others are having their bath/pjs on? can oldest read a story to youngest?
limit bedtime stories maybe? (we have 3, they each choose one, and I chose one)

My DSs are very similar ages to your DDs.

They only bathe/shower every other night. So tonight for example, DS1 had a shower while DS2 got his pyjamas on and I gave DS3 a bit of a wash and got him ready for bed. They they all had milk and fruit while watching "In the night garden".

DS2 and DS3 then went upstairs at about 7 o'clock with me and we read and chatted and listened to tapes while DS1 watched "Animal Park".

DS3 went to bed at about 7.30 p.m., I spent 15 minutes with DS2 just hugging him and chatting about school and so on, then he listened to a story tape and then played with DS1 quietly for a while between 8 o'clock and half past eight.

That sounds so lovely Dinosaur. I feel a bit tearful now that I can't manage to make it like that with mine. I feel quite hopeless now .
Thank you for all your helpful replies. I'm going to sleep on it now and read it all again tomorrow and try to think up a plan. Please carry on leaving comments - all help appreciated. I have no family support and few close friends so you are all being a lifeline-thanks again.
Kate

I really do understand. My dh has never been home before 8 pm in 22 years, and when the 2 eldest were babies it was so hard. He was working 120 hours a week, and was resident on call at work every other night and weekend. He did that for 10 years. I used to bath them before supper and give them their supper once they were in their pjs. I just had to take them to toilet and do hands face and teeth before bed. I have a seven year gap between ds 2 and dd, and she was driven all over the place asleep in her car seat, and frequently plopped into bed at 8 or 9 pm when I had been to collect dss from something or other. It hasn't done her any harm, I promise. Sometimes I had to take her tea with me and feed her at the side of a swimming pool or gymnasium. It will get better, but I am sure rearranging the routine could help.

Hey thats a point I heard dont know if its true , That in France they bath the kids first and then give them tea , Maybe that would work for you . I read a thread on here once about trying not to shout at your kids . Admitidly (sp ) I only lasted 4 days (PMT kicked in ) but boy did I feel good ,I really felt in control . I set you the challeng of not shouting at your kids tomorrow night . Go on give it a try . I know its easier said than done but anythings worth a go .

i agree with the not shouting. sometime if you are quiet, they are taken by surprise! and become more compliant. with you tired i know it doesnt help.

I sometimes bathe the kids before their tea if they are really mucky, or if tea is going to be later than usual

hi well as a single parent to 3 of much the same ages i have no routine they run riot and they go to sleep when they want... seriously i do have a set bedtime but youngest goes to sleep on the breast still and like quiet so older two go up and get ready and into bed then once ds is asleep i go and tuck them in etc.
i have told school dd7 and dd9 do not get my help in reading every night as it a fight sometimes so i listen when i can and it may only get to be half a page but i try ds2 is very easy compared to other two i should really sort myself out

I'm in France. Didn't realise it was a French thing bathing before evening meal but have always done this. They only have a bath every other night but it makes a big difference. Trying to get DS into pjs after dinner on a non-bath night is really hard work, he's too tired to cooperate by then.

I was thinkig of you tonight when bathing DS . We had been out for the day and got back at 4.30 .pm .I hate the Sunday night routine of getting bags ready ,bath and hair wash and checking nails are cut ,polishing shoes ,You all know the routine . Anyway I decided to bath him at 4.30 so that was one job out of the way . To be honest it did make a difference as I was so much more relaxed later at bedtime .

Well, I did separate out bedtimes last night and it was calmer. Didn't entirely work as dd3 has a bad cold and was ratty but definitely better with the other two. Have just picked up dd2 from Rainbows so running later tonight-may give baths a miss. I think I am so into the routine of nightly baths it feels "wrong" to miss them out.
Don't you find they get mucky again if you bath them before tea? Or have I just got very messy eaters?!

We have to wipe round the mouth and wipe/wash hands again after dinner. DD has just stopped putting hands covered in food in her hair. They sometimes go to bed with food stained pyjamas.

keep trying you will get there .