Dd (3yo) and her fears

[Nonononoudontloveme]

Dd (3yo ) is ill with flu. Being feverish seems to be aggravating her already significant fears about monsters, the dark and shadows.

I heard her whimpering tonight and when I went in the room I found her duvet completely over her head and her trembling. I pulled it back to see her, and her little face was like she thought she was about to be eaten up, she was so scared. She was dripping with sweat.

It’s not like this every day, but she talks of a fear of these things every night and she says that they come to “get” her when I put her to bed and turn the light off. She is especially vulnerable now and prone to being frightened because she is ill.

It was especially difficult for me because it was the kind of thing that I would not have heard if I hadn’t been listening out because she was ill. It makes me think that this happens every night and I simply don’t hear it.

I already have a night light for her, but it doesn’t seem to be enough. I try leaving the door of her cupboard open with the light on. Or the bathroom door open, which sends a stream of light into the room, but I’ve found that it actually impacts her sleep and makes her exhausted the next day.

Her fears are very close to home as I too was the 3 year old (and 4,5,6,7,8 etc year old) who was terrified of the same things and took the same measures: huge amounts of anxiety, sleeping under the covers, lots of fears that did not tell anyone. My DM was not reassuring to me at all.

I want to make this okay for her. I don’t want her to feel the way that I did.

What measures can I take? What can I do?

Lie with her until she gets to sleep. Every night. Poor little thing. Must be horrible.

Mine often says he's scared of things too, he's almost 3. He also has a night light in his room and I just reassure him, tell him it's all ok and that I love him, that I'm right downstairs and I promise everything is going to be ok. I often sit by his bed and stroke his head whilst I'm saying these things and do it in the calmest voice possible - it's seems to soothe him a lot.

Things like this tug at me too.

Have a look at this.

www.babysleepsite.com/toddlers/toddler-fear-battling-bedtime-monsters-10-tips/

We said he could come to us whenever he was scared. Which ended up being every night for a good few months. At some point when it was clear it was just habit, not real fear anymore, we then encouraged him to stay in his own bed

He still comes with bad dreams - very occasionally - at almost 6.

could her fever be high enough that she is hallucinating?

I remember watching a tv programme years ago which showed an experiment to do with electrical fields passing through the brain. Subjects of this experiment had different reactions. Some experienced nothing but some described a feeling of their being a "presence" in the room with them or feelings of fear and anxiety. The conclusion was that in some people exposure to electrical fields can cause very unsettling sensations and that such people could experience this due to the likes of a clock radio beside their bed.

Sorry that's all a bit vague but you could try removing any electrical devices from her room and moving her bed away from electrical cables in the wall or floor. It couldn't hurt at least.

I hope you find some way to help her. It sounds really upsetting for her.

Stay with her until she's asleep. I had these thoughts for years and they turned me in to an anxious quivering wreck. Ds does too and at 4 he's still sleeping in with us. I will until he's 10 if it stops h being as utterly terrified as I was.

Poor girl! I think the kindest thing you can do, is as a poster above suggested, bring her in with you.

3 is so little, and it's too little to be alone and scared- however groundless those feats

What do you think would have helped you as a child?

I had similar and really wanted my Mum to sit with me while I feel asleep but I think she thought I was just being silly. My dad sometimes sat with me and I can rememeet it being so nice not to feel frightened. I think if someone had sat with me while I feel asleep every night for a few months it would have really helped.

I agree with those saying sit with her until she's asleep. I do this with my daughter who is 6 and have done for as long as I can remember, it only takes an extra 15 minutes and I know she has gone to sleep happy.
She is too little to be alone and frightened. She will grow out of it and be able to rationalise her fear eventually but until then stay with her.