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Original poster

DV and four-year-old

11 replies

Coyoacan · 08/12/2017 22:01

My dgd witnessed her father attacking her mother a couple of nights ago. Then he sat dgd down and told her it was her fault.

The have been separated since dgd was a couple of months old because DV. He is not on her birth cert. But she adores him.

Does anyone have any advice about how to help her?

OP posts:
teaortequila23 · 08/12/2017 22:10

She needs to call the police and get a restraining order if he comes near her again she calls them and he gets arrested. Also file charges. Poor child!

Original poster
Coyoacan · 09/12/2017 00:52

Thank you, tea, we are not in the UK, so procedures are not the same, but I really posted because I want to know how to help dgd get over her experience and come to terms with not seeing her dad again.

OP posts:
CakesRUs · 09/12/2017 01:35

Ahh that poor child. You must be furious and sad at the same time. Hope the police were called.

Somethingfantastic89 · 09/12/2017 01:42

How old is she OP?

Somethingfantastic89 · 09/12/2017 01:45

Oh sorry, it's in the thread title - stupid me.
For a four year old, I think it's important to help her find words for her emotions - age appropriate words - but without pushing her too much to talk about the whole thing if she's not very keen on it. Maybe try to tell her a story and make up the plot so it's similar to what she experienced, and ask her what would the little girl/boy in the story feel/would like to do.

Christmascardqueen · 09/12/2017 01:49

hitting is not allowed in a healthy relationship. so your dad will not be allowed near you or your mom for quite some time?
all four year olds are slightly different but my gd would understand this.
what would be hard would be the questions and the constant "why".
stick to a narrative would be my suggestion.

Whoyagonna · 09/12/2017 01:53

Did the father tell the child it was her fault or the mother's fault? Is dgd your grand-daughter or god-daughter?
What does the mother plan to do in the future?
Depending on what the mother plans to do, would determine what I would try to tell the child.

Also, the answer to my first question.

Original poster
Coyoacan · 09/12/2017 02:53

This is my granddaughter. The plan right now is not to allow contact until he can bring some proof that he has taken anger-management classes.

They had opened a present that my dd bought for a friend's child. My dd was angry at that and things escalated. He totally loses control when he loses his temper. He nearly strangled her and nearly hit her with a frying pan, all in front of the child. Then he sat the child down and told her it was her, the child's fault, that that had happened.

He's a bit of a Disney dad and she adores him, in fact, she prefers him over everyone else.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 09/12/2017 02:58

Anger management isn't going to deal with a man that psychotic and damaging. Just so you're aware. It isn't anger that makes a man calmly tell their 4 yo that they are to blame for violence.

For the 4 yo... are there any resources where you are for women leaving violent relationships? They might suggest a resource or counsellor. Not sit-down-and-tell-me counselling but play or art therapy.

Whoyagonna · 09/12/2017 03:41

Jesus. Is he gone from the home now?

Original poster
Coyoacan · 09/12/2017 12:35

I know what you mean about anger management, Mrs. Terry, but it would be at least a sign that he recognises he has a problem, if he were to look for a group and ask for treatment.

I think my dd is going to look for a good child psychologist.

Whoyagonna He doesn't live here, they have been separated for almost the entire life of my dd.

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