Help!i can't stand my friends son

[ColaCube22]

He gives me the creeps. He's always coming out with questions, comments or statements that are nothing short of odd for his age (9). He's obsessed with anything macabre and seems to really enjoy getting a reaction from people when he says completely inappropriate things. At the flick of a switch he goes from grinning like a Cheshire Cat about these topics then acts like a victim for sympathy and attention. His mum says she thinks he has issues but doesn't want to label him, she doesn't discipline his appalling behaviour as she feels that she can't cope with the temper tantrum that would follow.
A few examples of the things that he's said and done that I've witnessed.
"If I were to put a pillow over my cats head and suffocate him, would the vet know how he died"
He talked about medieval torture methods in great detail.
He's ran out into traffic after being told to stop being disrespectful to his mum and then proceeded to tell people she pushed him.
There is very little to no joy in any conversation, my little boy tries to talk about games and nerf guns and he puts him down or makes out that anything he's done is far better. We had invited him to birthday parties before, he comes and sits in the corner, doesn't partake in games and proceeds to tell everyone how stupid and embarrassing they are and said he was going to starve because I didn't make anything he liked. I'm ashamed to admit that I even lied about my sons last birthday party and said I couldn't afford everyone so names were drawn out of a hat and apologised that his name wasn't.
I dont want to have him in my house and I'm running out of excuses for them not to play together now. I can't avoid her and quite honestly she is really nice and I'd feel bad that I've cut the cord on our friendship because of her son.
I don't know how to explain any of this to her or bring up the subject that she should really speak to a professional about his behaviour, I did once before and I was made out to be ignorant and rude.
Am I being dramatic, is this normal? I don't feel that it's healthy for my son to be around this behaviour.
My husband is very blunt and just tells me to tell her outright and that's that.

Only see her without him. Say the boys clearly have different interests.
She won't thank you for trying to convince her that her child is a psychopath.

Agree just call and meet in a grown up setting - job done!

My friends child is odd same age as dd2 it got to the point Dd2 was uncomfy around them so I just stopped seeing them as a family it did cause a rift for a long time but I had to respect my own childs feelings the children are adults now i see my friend again which is great. I am not sure if this boy is behaving like a usual 9 year old and I agree with your husband if you can't cope with his behaviour it is probably best you don't mix with him see your friend on her own.

Crikey, that's really disturbing.

I wouldn't want my child socialising with him.

If she won't accept adult only meet ups then I'd probably ditch her.

Does sound a bit disturbing, and I wouldn't want my child socialising with him either. It is possible to continue a friendship as an adult friendship only, I have done this with 2 friends in the past whose children were very difficult or made my children uncomfortable. Still get on fine with the mothers (though don't see one of them very often any more).

Hmmm some of those behaviours are just rude e.g. Don't joining in or eating anything etc. However my dd used to have a macabre interest in death when she was small. She used to tell people when she was about 6 yrs she wanted to be either a grave digger or a mortician when she was older . She also used to play 'dead pets' where she'd pretend her stuffed animals had died. She also used to regularly 'play dead' in the playground where she could lie for ages barely showing she was breathing or moving.
She's nearly 13. She's very normal, sociable, popular, great at drama and comedy - her film and tv tastes are still on the more mature 'odd' side though.

I tell you this as just this dc having 'odd' interests wouldn't worry me overall. However the fact is he's rude and unpleasant. I'm afraid I would suggest to your friend more adult only meet-ups. If she refuses then just be 'busy' for the next few play date offers.

Thank you for your responses.
It is hard because she does try and push for them to play together. He doesn't have many friends in school.

I don't mind an interest in things like zombies, vampires or questions in death because kids will be curious but his interest is always directed at causing pain or hurt on someone or something.
I think yous are right, I'll try to suggest coffee and that at only school times. Maybe pre warn her that I've got a busy time with work etc. Try to fade into it and hopefully no feelings will get hurt.