Struggling to socialise

[HJHawkster]

Hi all,

I have an 8 week old daughter (my first) and just wanted some advice on socialising. I have always suffered from social anxiety and had hoped being a parent might bring me some new found confidence, but instead I find myself slipping into the old feelings of panic and insecurity. I have been to a few baby and toddler groups as I really want to get my daughter used to being with other people and babies but I find the adult socialising really hard!

I feel like I really don’t know what I’m doing as a parent and hear other mums talking about techniques and toys, etc. that often I have never heard of! I never joined a NCT group when I was pregnant and I feel like the only one who hasn’t already got an established group. I try to join in with conversations but I seem to draw a blank and struggle to find things to say.

I really don’t want to pass on my insecurities to my daughter as I know how lonely it can be, but I can’t help but feel completely inept and inadequate.

Anyone else feeling or felt the same??

I felt the same. I find it hard to be in social situations and don’t really have many friends. I found unstructured baby and toddler groups far too difficult, however I really liked going to structured classes such as baby yoga, sign language, music classes etc. This instantly took the pressure off for me and we instantly had something to talk about and if you run out of things to say you just get on with the ‘lesson’! I still avoid the toddler groups but am still enjoying classes with my son at nearly 2. It’s tough. Good luck.

I didn’t go to any Antenatal classes but started going to the local NCT Open House and found that ok. It was smaller than most Baby groups and very relaxed. I found the structured groups useful too.

By 8 weeks though I’d barely left the house, so don’t beat yourself up too much 🙂

Thanks for the replies - nice to know I’m not the only one! I’ll look into joining some classes as I can see how that would be easier.

I hated mother and toddlers as very clickish and l dont have social anxiety. My one was full of mums who were into natural remedies for everything and l couldnt cope with a poor child roaring with an ear ache and dm totally opposed to a regular doctor. I did not fit in. I made lots of friends at LaLeche though, loved that as there was a focus and we all had something in common.
Also try not to think about making friends. Just go for the baby massage or whatever and anything else is a bonus. Be friendly but dont fixate on who talks to you as your stress will show. I hope it works out. Its early days and l know people who were still not dressed at 8 weeks so you are doing brilliantly.
Or try a church group nearby as often they are friendlier..usually no strings attached.

I agree activities are better. Less pressure and you focused on something.

FWIW it takes time to find 'your people' but you will find them. I made lots of good friends once DC started nursery and have kept these friendships going.

Most mums are all over the place in that first year so don't worry to much about passing stuff on to your DC, just spend time doing what you enjoy together and the rest will follow.