Pushed into parenting too early--feel hardly capable...

[ellak]

So I've recently had surgery for the excision of endometriosis, and I got told by my surgeon that I also probably have adenomyosis :( The only cure for this is a hysterectomy which makes me think I'll likely have to have kids in a year or two. My husband agreed that we should do that so I'm not in pain for ages.

I am 26 and feel completely incapable of looking after a baby. I have a degree, I work as a freelance writer and I am pretty independent in many ways, but...

I can hardly fold clothes (my draws are a complete mess)
I can't iron or sew.
I am not earning enough through freelance writing--my husband is supporting me financially.
I can't drive (I'm terrified of cars as I was in a couple of bad car crashes)
I can't plait hair (if we have a girl I'm sure she'll want her hair plaited at some point)
I still have a lot of adventure left in me.
And what's more, I am a complete introvert and enjoy a lot of 'me' time.

At least I can cook healthy food.

Thing is, I would like to have kids. I can imagine enjoying visiting National Trust properties for picnics; going on hikes together; climbing in the gym together; buying cute clothes; helping them study; reading them stories.

I'm just really nervous that I have not had adequate experience/'training' to be a mother.

Thoughts?

Im v similar to you (except I worked fill time pre baby but then did part time after so did sort of rely on dp) and honestly it's hard. My only experience really was my younger brother (17 year age gap) but other than that i had no idea.

You learn on the job. There's no rules. What works for someone else might not work for you. It's not always easy but it is rewarding and in some trying moments you might think Christ, what possessed us to do this this is hard work but then that baby or toddler cracks a smile at you or tells you a new word and honestly? You forget about the 8 times you got up in the night or whatever.

Im not the most maternal person I'll be honest, but! What's hit home to me is how much love i have for my son. I've been ill this week and every day I've got a bit excited about him coming home from nursery and talking to me and giving me cuddles.

I dont think anyone's ever ready, but give it a good go and you'll be fine.

Thanks for all the support and reassurance. I suppose it makes sense, but I am surprised to read that others are in the same boat.

Hopefully my adenomyosis and endometriosis won't progress too much so soon. Sensitive content, but I actually got pregnant and aborted last year as it really wasn't the right time. It was however a healthy early start to the pregnancy, which gives me hope. My surgeon doesn't seem too concerned at the moment, but I don't want to be in a situation which concerns him more by waiting for too long!

I know these things I've mentioned aren't really important; it's just that when I think of the "perfect parent" I envision someone who lovingly makes nutritious packed lunches for his/her child, drives them to school on time, sends them to school/a friend's house wearing ironed clothing.

My mum was sort of like that--she always ironed and folded my clothes and my drawers would be tidy for a few days before I got to them. She plaited my hair and would drive me to school/on day trips. I suppose when it came down to it all my dad could do is clean and cook.

Starting to wish I could knit too and that we'd all been given Domestic Education classes (boys included).

I suppose driving wouldn't be such a problem if we live in the city, which we intend to do.

It's something that is on my mind though, even if it's something we're tentatively planning for next year. Is there anything any of you would recommend I do to prepare myself mentally (and physically)?

I'm scared of pregnancy, of stretch marks, of feeling sick and feeling useless, of being treated differently, of childbirth, of cleaning nappies and being awake at night. It's ironic; I'm quite adventurous and travel the world for a living, but the thing I am most scared of is my womb.

I am considering freezing my eggs, but fortunately (touch wood) my ovaries are very healthy right now, as is my fallopian tube etc. The endo was mainly affecting my bowel, bladder and pouch of douglas. Even though I'm terrified of childbirth, I think I would like to go through the whole ordeal of pregnancy and childbirth at some point. It might sound silly but for me it feels like a ritual/questyou go through sh*t and face all sorts of setbacksbut ultimately at the end you get your reward.

Thanks again everyone :)

You're an adult. You've lived about a third of your life. Anything you can't do, learn how to do it. You sound like you think you're a 13 years old or something.

But do you plan on learning anyof that stuff n the next 10 years? It doesn’t just come naturally as you age and then you’re ready for a baby. In my experience if you want a baby at some point then try now . It doesn’t get easier as you get older.

It doesn’t get easier as you get older.

Well, no, it doesn't, I agree, But I get what the OP is saying - if I'd got pregnant when I was 26 I would have found it really difficult to give certain things up (like travelling or going to the gym every day). At 32 I'd been there, done that so, although my baby was very much unplanned, I think I was a bit more mentally prepared.

Of course there are lots of advantages to having your baby younger, OP. I'm pretty sure I'd have been less tired at 26 than I am now for a start.