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Original poster

How to calm newborn baby between feeds?

50 replies

Dani00 · 04/12/2017 14:55

Hello, I'm a first time mum and probably am being really silly but thought I would ask anyway. I have a nearly 3 week year old and am breastfeeding. As soon as he wakes up he will cry until he is fed. Inbetween feeds he will lie down and gaze for a couple of minutes before crying. Basically when he's awake and not feeding he is crying. Which can be for hours at a time. There is no way ( I have found) to soothe him other than to feed him. I was wondering , is there any way I can keep him entertained in between or will this come in time? As at the moment he obviously has no interest in toys etc. And I'm the only one that can calm him by feeding him. Thank you!

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Ohyesiam · 04/12/2017 21:33

My sanity( and hearing) was saved by a sling at this stage. Babies have a way of making you feel like you are getting it all wrong, then occasionally it all goes ok, and then they change and go into the next stage......
I has a great book by Sears, Sears, Sears and Sears, a family of American doctors I think, which might have been called The Baby Book, it talked lots of sense about the first year. Apart from the bit about circumcision.....
But congratulations. And everything gets easier at 3 months.

LuchiMangsho · 04/12/2017 21:34

That doesn't sound right. He sounds like he is in pain and is demanding food to soothe himself. Silent reflux? If he has had a good nap and is fed, he shouldn't be constantly crying. No babies don't all sleep 17-20 hours but if they are crying when awake, constantly, something is not right.

Cracklesfire · 04/12/2017 21:43

I found DS slept for decent spells on me but would wake up crying if I tried to put him down. He was also constantly feeding at this stage. Look for a breastfeeding support group nearby if you can find one. It's good to get the reassurance that other people are going through the same.

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bingebiscuiteater · 05/12/2017 18:36

Cuddling the baby after every meal helps in calming down and I could not think of any other way you can calm the baby down.

JaniceBattersby · 05/12/2017 18:43

All of my perfectly standard breastfed babies have done a combo of feed / doze / feed / sleep / feed etc for at least the first eight to ten weeks of their lives. All on me. None of them would ever be put down for more than a couple of minutes or so before about 6 weeks. This came as a shock for me. I thought I’d be ironing / cooking hearty meals/ writing while the baby giggled on his mat. Ha ha ha.

It passes op. Just feed the baby if the baby will feed. If it won’t, it’s not hungry. FWIW I can’t remember a time any of my newborns have ever refused a feed.

Mine are all now strapping young lads and only one of them is still feeding. He’s nearly one and still feeds / sleeps / dozes on me for several hours each day.

Madbee · 05/12/2017 18:54

As Ohyesiam says, a sling is a sanity saver at this point! It is continuing to save my sanity at 8 weeks when babe is having a bit more alert time, but still needs calming in between... really recommend getting one, you can calm baby and get stuff done, this feeling like a functional adult rather than a dairy cow!

Bobbiepin · 05/12/2017 19:07

Do you think he's actually feeding because he's hungry or for a comfort suck? Maybe try a dummy, some babies will refuse a dummy if they are hungry but take it if they need comfort. My DD spent a few weeks unable to poo unless she was feeding and a dummy helped me cope with that big time. Otherwise lots of things to try, slings are great, bouncing, swing chairs, swaddling, singing, skin to skin. DD loves having her forehead stroked, it's like an off button for her sometimes. Baby massage is good too, check out some youtube videos if you can't get to a class yet.

Something to remember is that babies will detect your heart rate, the more worked up you get with them crying the more stressed they get. If you can, try to soothe a little before a feed, it will make it more likely to have an effective feed and then cuddles after burping will help with bonding etc.

Finally, remember this too shall pass

Coconut0il · 05/12/2017 20:08

A baby that cries all the time is probably not that normal, but it doesn't mean there's anything actually wrong. Ds2 cried constantly if he wasn't being bf. No one else could hold him, he would only sleep on my lap, he had no health problems and good weight gain he just wanted to be fed and held. Personally I would just go with it, it's too much hard work to try and fight against what baby wants and no one is happy. Pick a box set, get a box of snacks and water and feed your baby. Ds2 cried in the pushchair, cried in the car seat, cried everywhere!! If he had been my first I would've been certain I was doing something wrong but I did exactly the same with DS1 who was a really easy going baby.
All I can say is it does get easier. He's just over 2 now and hardly ever cries. He's happy with family, happy at groups, generally a happy chatty toddler.

hollowtree · 07/12/2017 13:57

I used a bouncy chair (£35 from Boots online, sits the baby semi-upright and vibrates so it bounces very gently). From 5 days old she would sit nicely/sleep for a couple of hours in this magical chair! She's now 13 weeks and still loves it

ElphabaTheGreen · 07/12/2017 14:14

All of my perfectly standard breastfed babies have done a combo of feed / doze / feed / sleep / feed etc for at least the first eight to ten weeks of their lives. All on me.

Exactly the same here. Kept trying to put the first one down or wondering why he was rooting five minutes after a feed and thought I was doing something wrong.

Just parked and fed/held continuously with number 2 and life got a lot easier. He still had periods where even boob and holding wouldn't settle him - white noise + boob + dark room (+ movement) would help, or getting in the bath with him was also pretty handy. Anything to recreate the womb, basically.

I've come to the conclusion that 'colic' is actually a newborn existential crisis. They have several weeks of, 'WHERE THE FUCK AM I?!!' screaming before they start getting used to their new surroundings. People leap to medicalise it (i.e. reflux) if they don't get the baby gurgling on a playmate between four-hourly feeds, rather than just thinking it through a bit more. And we've forgotten what normal breastfed baby behaviour looks like because bottle-feeding has been the norm for so long.

Original poster

Dani00 · 07/12/2017 14:21

Thanks so much for all your comments! I do have a bouncy chair for him , which he sits in for a few seconds but then realises where he is and hates it 😂 I'll just keep on going thank you x

OP posts:

Oly5 · 07/12/2017 14:23

My baby is the same - third child and is the same as the other two were. Just feed your baby. Mine is only settled when being held for naps, otherwise she’s crying and I feed her.
It will pass. Just feed when your baby cries, wind and settle in your arms before trying to put them down. It’s all normal!

fairylightseverywhere · 07/12/2017 14:27

Sling, sling, sling!!

Stretchy wraps are amazing, brand new from only around £20 and so easy to master. Ds lived in his sling for about the first four months of his life, it was just amazing. I really really miss those newborn slingy cuddles and it was such a lifesaver for me.

Unicornberry · 07/12/2017 14:31

Most babies just want to be held and some babies just want to cluster feed lots even when not in a growth spurt, it's okay to feed as often as your baby wants to (on demand). How many poo nappies a day is your baby producing?

Sipperskipper · 07/12/2017 16:08

I second what nottalotta says - I thought something was wrong with my DD as she was awake so much, and would only settle on me for the first few weeks. She’s now 6 months old, and sleeps 11.5 hrs at night and about 3 hrs in the day over 2 naps - all in her cot. At 3 weeks old I felt like that would never happen, but before you know it they develop and change.

Things that helped us settle her :
*Swaddle - only the miracle blanket worked, she wriggled out of any others! She was in that until very recently.
*Dummy - until we introduced this she was on my breast 24hrs a day. Literally. It didn’t affect breastfeeding and she stayed on 91st centile.
*white noise- we played the sound of waves and still do for all sleep. It sort of mimics the sounds in the womb, and helps block out other household sounds (like our noisy dog!)
*movement - bouncing in her bouncing chair on vibrate, or rocking in my arms

Marcine · 07/12/2017 16:13

I'd just stop trying to put him down and feed him whenever he asks. Newborn babies are supposed to be at the breast most of the time.

noodlesandtomatoes · 07/12/2017 16:19

Try a cranial Osteopath

BroccoliOnTheFloor · 07/12/2017 17:53

It might be the 3 week cluster feed!! The baby might be trying to increase your supply by eating constantly for 1 or 2 days. Just feed - after a couple of days he should settle back into the 3h routine, and your boobs should be engorged.

I spent my DS's 3 week clusterfeed crying and googling "what is wrong 3 week old baby crying and feeding", as he was latched on more or less non stop for 19 hours. I was certain he was either ill or my milk had gone bad. Turns out it is all normal.

Congratulations on your baby!! It does get easier!!

LalaLeona · 07/12/2017 20:20

When my son was small i used white noise on my phone (lullaby on an app called relax melodies) constant movement either in my arms or in the bouncer, plus dummy or boob

LalaLeona · 07/12/2017 20:22

Ps my son was exactly the same as yours If he wasn't feeding he was crying. I found it really tough and got a bit depressed. But I promise it will get easier. My son is an absolute delight now at 21 months he's so happy.

YCAWS · 07/12/2017 20:26

White Boise app!

YCAWS · 07/12/2017 20:26

White NOISE!

Rockhopper81 · 07/12/2017 20:30

My niece (3 weeks tomorrow) likes being bounced up and down after a feed (post-winding), and she certainly doesn't like being horizontal! Her much-preferred position is upright on her mum, where she will most likely fall asleep if she's finished eating, but she will acquiesce to being upright on someone else - as long as they're standing, of course! - and being bounced and having her back patted at a fast rate. This will allow her mum some time to eat/have a shower/do something with both arms! She will only take a dummy very occasionally when she's in the mood - she prefers a clean knuckle or finger to comfort her in truth. She just wants/needs to feed most of the time at the moment - her brother was exactly the same for 6 weeks, then he just 'got' the whole feeding/eating/outside world thing.

It will pass!

threestars · 07/12/2017 23:13

Loud reggae or dub music? Beat is like a heartbeat. Massive Attack was good for ds, years back... he was a screamer too and most of time had me completely confused. He went quiet when music came on though (SOMEtimes - he hated to be predictable )whereas dd was calm and loved her sleep. Don’t think I did anything different, praps less worried when I had her?
You have my sympathies - it’s exhausting.

Luckybe40 · 08/12/2017 04:48

Have you offered a dummy? You might find it makes all the difference, my DS LOVED his dummies, he found real comfort from sucking. Your baby might be after your breast for the soothing of sucking. His little sisters didnt care for a dummy at all and weren’t interested at all...you never can tell!!

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