Transition to childminder PLS TO HELP

[2sly4you]

We've just had a meeting with our childminder. The baby is 10 months now and will be 11 months when she starts. Here in Denmark, babies are put into prams for naps and left outside until naptime is over. They dress them for the weather but that's the long and short of it.

I followed the UK guidance of not having the baby sleep unattended in the first 6 months (it's not something that they recommend in DK), and by the time she was old enough to sleep in a separate room/outside, she could already pull herself up. So, bang went the plan to put her down drowsy in the cot. She stands straight up and starts screaming inconsolably.
And since I wasn't in the routine of using the pram for naps, I didn't bother getting a safety harness or any of the doodads they use here.

Anyway, the childminder has advised me to "practise" not feeding her to sleep, to break the association. These days it turns out I can usually feed her to drowsy and put her down (she looks around, goes "oh, my cot" and falls asleep) but I'm still feeding her to get her to sleep. And there are occasions where she looks around, goes "not today, Satan" and stands straight up, furious with me.

I really hoped that the childminder would say "Oh, don't worry, babies are smart and know people are different and react accordingly, I'll get her to sleep no worries" because that's what she said about EVERY OTHER FUCKING THING BABIES DO. But she didn't. She said "for your child's sake, you should break that sleep association so she can sleep here."

My (Danish) husband was like "oh, that makes sense, childminder, we will TOTALLY do that from now on" because it doesn't particularly affect him. He can rock her to sleep (which we have been advised to stop doing as well because the childminder can't rock her charges to sleep on health and safety grounds), but he does it once in a blue moon and so it makes no difference to him.

Is that my December fucked then? How do people put standy-uppy babies down for naps anyway? Do you just put them in a cot when it's nap time and that's the end of the matter?

(Oh, and she didn't mean to do it but she called the food she gives her charges "normal" food, as opposed to the crazy moon food this foreigner gives her. MICROAGGRESSION.
Apart from that, she seemed nice and my baby will be fine with her.)
Any advice is gratefully received.

She isn't allowed to rock the baby?! These forriners and their crazy ways!

For what it's worth, DS was (still is) rocked/cuddled to sleep by me for every nap and bedtime when he started nursery (on his taster days I actually demonstrated our preferred rocking technique to the nursery nurses ). In spite of my incompetence as a mother he manages to nap in nursery just fine. Those ladies must have some voodoo or something because he even goes to sleep in a cot there!

I suppose you could give it a go but if it's a pain in the arse I'd just forget about it.

I’m a cm and mine all go to sleep in the pushchair. Some need rocking when they first start but usually start falling asleep on their own after a little while. I do agree with the cm though that it would be much kinder for everyone if you could get lo out of the habit at home. It may take a while but you need to be on the same page. Just keep going in and lying them down

My DD was always fed to sleep or rocked to sleep in pram for naps. She started nursery at 11months. First week she slept on her keyworker, after that she cried whenever they put her in a cot so they made up a little bed in the corner of the baby room and she slept there happily even with other kids around.

I think they just realise quickly that it's a new situation and adapt accordingly.

I do agree with the cm though that it would be much kinder for everyone if you could get lo out of the habit at home. It may take a while but you need to be on the same page. Just keep going in and lying them down

☝️ Bullshit

Both of my babies fed to sleep for all naps at home then, when they were older, napped in the car. Nothing under the sun would convince them to nap any other way. 'Just lying then down' resulted in escalating screaming and zero napping.

They never had the slightest problems napping at nursery. None. A decent, experienced childcare professional can get a baby to nap regardless of what happens at home. Keep doing what you're doing at home, OP, and let the CM work out what she needs to do. Your baby may well nap just fine and safely in the pram with her.

Fartniss
Something about doing her back in? I think if she'd be willing to jiggle the pram/rock the pram a bit, the baby'd get used to it but I don't think she was on board with adapting anything.

Looneytune
I'll give lying her down repeatedly a go. Hopefully, she'll be like "finally, why didn't you do this months ago?".

Rinceoir

It was funny that the cm seemed to think that she'd adapt for everything else. No reins on the highchair: don't worry! Babies only try to climb out at home! Doesn't like being spoonfed: don't worry! Babies let cm spoonfeed them.
I'm hoping that the baby just does what she does in the carseat when she's tired: cries for like 2 minutes, closes her eyes and goes to sleep.

Elphaba
It's so easy for my baby to get her second wind. Sometimes all it takes is for the bloody dog to scratch and boom! no nap. Fighting with her to lie down wakes her right up too.

I am toying with the idea of just telling the cm that I did what she asked and seeing if that works like the magic feather in Dumbo.

Shit, I'll give her advice a go but I really want my last month with her to be as nice as poss.

I'm a childminder and I find the children generally settle into a sleep routine with me that can be quite different from their home routine.
Are you BFing or does your baby settle after having a bottle? The childminder could carry on a bottle feed to sleep routine.
Don't stress too much. It will be for your childminder to work on a routine that suits you all. Babies' routines often change a lot as they get older and reach the 1 year mark anyway.

I'm breastfeeding. The cm has said not to bother bringing milk and she'll just give water in a cup with meals. I think you're right: they'll work out a routine that works for them. She's started falling asleep after she has finished bfing, she sort of rolls over in my arms. In a month or so, she might be doing that a lot more anyway.

My DD was the same as Elphabas. Always fed to sleep at home or walked in the pram if my mum or FIL had her. She started nursery at 12mo and never had a problem napping. They rocked her in a rocking chair and then put her in her coracle bed because she'd never slept in a cot.

How many children does your CM look after? (I know ratios are different in different countries) Can she not rock your DD to sleep in the pram?

tea, she'll have four when my baby starts and then five two-three weeks later. There's definitely nothing stopping her, except she's only got one pair of hands.

Before DD was 3 months, she'd sleep anyway, anyhow. I could drop her off in a bed and she'd put herself to sleep. The second she was able to take in the world she got really good at over stimulating herself and just getting more and more pissed off and tired. WAAAAAH babies.

Does your childminder have kids? I'm guessing not. Ours asked us to do similar but frankly I would ignore as the setting etc will all be different and it all shakes out in the end.

I must admit, I'd get your DH to help out a bit more
A) just to see if it's just you who she does this with
And
B) so that he can see it's not as easy and can maybe negotiate with the CM a bit more if it really can't be done

I think your DC will probably just separate how they go to sleep at home with childminder. Its horrid to think of them maybe being upset though.
A good friend is a childminder and when I went round the other day she had two babies (8.5 months) sound asleep on her on the couch. She was glad I had popped in as she asked me to lift one into the cot to let her stand up and put the other down too. Otherwise she said she was planning on just sitting on the couch until they woke. Mum cuddles them to sleep and DF just carries on with that. In saying that, she is brilliant with her two charges and they're the only two she has so she can do that (alongside her own 3 year old). Her own DD was quietly playing with stickers/colouring/stories etc.

Chchchchange
She's got grown up kids, she's been a cm for 30 years or something. I think you're right but I've got to admit it's shaken my confidence a bit that she is so sure that it won't be okay unless I get her in the habit now. ARGH
baby
That's a good point. It's funny, Danes have a way of talking to each other and convincing each other of things that I don't seem to be able to emulate. I can talk to him about all sorts of things, get him on the same page and then he talks to a Danish person and he's like "oh what they were saying MAKES SENSE"
He can definitely get her down but he does it with rocking, and he puts her down totally asleep not mostly drowsy like me. That's a really good idea though. He'd only be able to do it for weekends and nights but it might be good to send him out with the buggy to get her down for weekend naps.
Leonora
I think it'll be one of two scenarios.
She'll be so tired from playing and everything being new, she'll just fall right to sleep when it's nap time and make up new sleep associations for when she's in daycare.
OR!
She'll look ready for a nap/it will happen to be the set nap time that the cm has decided, the cm will bundle her up for the outside, she'll get pissed off, get her second wind and will just scream and scream in the garden until she falls asleep/is collected after nap time is over. That second scenario scares me.
Danish cms aren't fucking about. God what a culture clash!

I love the idea of a cm cuddling babies to sleep and letting them have a lovely nap on the sofa.

I've started feeding the baby to drowsy and cutting her off a little earlier and earlier, giving her cuddles until she stops fussing and eventually falls asleep. I hope this means I can eventually transition her to falling asleep without milk but I don't know what I'm doing!

OP will she nap in buggy during a walk at all? If so there’s not much work for the childminder to do.

But honestly I would not waste the rest of your maternity leave worrying about this. My DD was a totally different baby at nursery. At home she fed to sleep or slept in buggy, wouldn’t eat and wouldn’t take a bottle. At nursery she continued to refuse bottles but ate a bit and slept fine. Even now at 3.5 she eats all sorts at nursery she’d definitey turn nose up at here! As Elphaba has said they just adapt.

Even if you change the association of feeding to sleep she will still have to adapt to sleeping for a new person. Which is probably the greater challenge to be honest. The CM will find her own way.

Rinceoir
She naps in the buggy, no worries. But the cm has five prams in the garden and she just drops the babies off into them at nap time and leaves them there. Maybe I can get her to jiggle my baby's one.

Thanks, though. You're right, it's all change for her. The cm said that babies behave completely differently for her.... except for this one area!