Ideal sibling age difference?

[Sunisshining12]

DH & I plan to have 3 (if we are lucky enough to be able to do so).

We have 1 DS who is 9 months. DH suggested we try for another now so that I can be home with them whilst they are really little, and not have to take too much of a career break. My work/finances aren't a big issue in the decision. I'm more concerned about having a small age gap. He seems to think it's better for the children as they will be closer/have more in common. But what about me lol! Is this true in reality? What are the pros & cons of 18 months (ish) apart? Is 2-3 years better?

Would it be better to have a smaller gap between DC 1 & 2, or should I enjoy my baby for a few years then plan another? Where does a 3rd baby slot in! To add, we've just moved house & have a lot of work to do to this house (full renovation). We have the money set aside for this but DH will be doing a lot himself, we guess it will take 2 years, so that's DH spare time taken up (we have renovated twice so know what it's like). I'm 31 so not old but with the hope to have 3 it is at the back of my mind.

There's 26 months between my sibling & i. We are best friends & talk every day. There's 8 years between DH & his, they arent close at all, which i suspect is influencing this.

Would welcome your opinions/experiences!

(Ps - I'm talking in a perfect hypothetical world where you could click your fingers & have children as/when you liked - what would be your ideal?)

@Ecureuil Honestly not intended as a dig at others! I would just not be capable myself!!! Sorry if it came across wrong

I think I'm struggling to visualise it because my LO is only 9 months, I'm imagining having a new born right now with my 9 month old in this house which is being totally gutted, which would be awful!!

I've realised today it's the house that is holding me back! The thought of 2 in this mess!

I'm also scared the longer I leave it the harder I will find to go back to the baby stage (will I ever want another?) but then if I rush into it I want to be genuinely happy & excited, not regretful or stressy. My OH is 33 but again I don't think that's old nowadays?!

If my house was all done I would go for it now. But it's only just being started. OH says you can't let a house hold you back (but he's a caveman so has no idea what cooking on a stove is like!)

I’d probably wait a while in your circumstances OP. A toddler and newborn in a building site wouldn’t be fun!

Think you're right. The fact I've had to ask shows I'm not ready really doesn't it!

If I wasn't in this mess I'd go for it, but think I'll give it a year then see :-) thanks for all the advice & comments

4 years between ds1 and ds2. It was a nice gap for me because ds1 had started reception 4 weeks before I had ds2. This meant that I had lots of time to spend recovering from my csection and although growing up they had little in common, at 17 and 21 they get on well now. They went to watch united together last week and were more like mates than brothers, it was a teary eye moment for me. I had dd 2 years after ds2 and that was a good gap too really. I only had 2 in nappies for a few weeks and didn't find I needed the double buggy too much as I've always encouraged my toddlers to walk a lot. Ds3 came 4 years after dd, but he was from another relationship with now dp, after dh died. Dp already had dsd who was 8 when we met and was right in the middle of my ds1 and 2. We had him fairly soon after we moved in together because we didn't want a massive age gap. Ds3 does seem a lot younger than the big ones and does annoy them, but this is improving now he is 10.

Just play it by ere, I don't think you should try if you don't feel you'd be pleased If you were to see a positive pregnancy test. But you might feel differently soon. I don't like the idea of having 2 kids in a building site though, I don't like the idea of having 1 either!

I got pregnant with my 2nd just before DD was 1. It's been fine (now 2.5 and 9 months). Been quite hard work I guess but I'm hoping hard work in the baby years will pay off when they can be little buddies when they are a bit older.

I have 17 months between my two. DD1 was an horrendous sleeper and just 8 months old when I found out I was pregnant with DD2, it was completely unplanned and a total surprise. With DD1 being such a terrible sleeper I was exhausted throughout the whole of my second pregnancy. also ended up with anaemia and really bad SPD from five months. I was really well throughout the whole of my first pregnancy so I think my body struggled with a second pregnancy so soon.

Being heavily pregnant with another child who is barely a toddler is really hard. DD1 constantly wanted me to pick her up and carry her.

My two are 14 months and 2.7 years. With a small age gap it does mean you have two in nappies, two you need to dress, two completely dependent on you, two who want your sole attention most of the time, and I'm discovering two trying to assert their independence and throw a tantrum here and there at the same time too,

I'm just hoping they're close and it's all worthwhile :)

As for your and your DH's age, I'm 44 :) DD1 was born when I was 42 and DD2 at 43.

To be boring and evidence based the World Health organisation says no fewer than 24 months.

Pregnancy depletes your body's natural nourishment stores and any closer in age increases your risk for a number of developmental issues including low birth weight and pre term birth.

Google birth spacing if you're particularly interested or think I'm wrong.

Pregnancy depletes your body's natural nourishment stores and any closer in age increases your risk for a number of developmental issues including low birth weight and pre term birth

That’s interesting. I certainly felt physically depleted after having two so close together (19 months). I also developed mastitis a week after DD2’s birth which led to sepsis. DD2 was 8lbs 8oz and born at 40+2 though!

I had 17 months between my two girls. It was very hard work in the first few years. My DD is expecting her 2nd and there will be 2.7 between her DC which I think is probably a better age gap although my DGD has been used to being the centre of both her parents and her grandparents world on both sides so not sure how she will react having a sibling. My eldest DD was so young when her sister was born that she learnt to share the attention reasonably easily. I don't think there is any ideal gap but in hindsight I wish I had left it a little longer before having a second.

That would make sense re leaving at least 24 months. I wonder if historically people breastfed longer and had some natural protection/longer gaps?

Yes, there was no jealously at all in our house as DD1 doesn’t remember life without DD2.

Pregnancy depletes your body's natural nourishment stores and any closer in age increases your risk for a number of developmental issues including low birth weight and pre term birth

That is interesting. With 17 months between mine my pregnancy with my second was awful. I had high blood pressure and was constantly in and out of hospital on bed rest and an ovarian cyst discovered on my 12 week scan meaning an operation. I was induced at 36 weeks due to high blood pressure. My DD was 7lb though in spite of being induced 4 weeks early

26 months between my two. It’s been extremely difficult. I did appreciate not having to do school or nursery runs with a newborn though but overall I wish I had waited till my eldest was about three it would have just been a bit less full on. I ended up missing out on eldest being a toddler and youngest being a baby because it was just too much for me to cope with.

We wanted three but I’m totally done. They’re almost 3 and 5 now and things are still difficult but getting more manageable. No way will I be going back to the baby stage. I get a full night sleep now and no nappies and almost rid of the pram.