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Original poster

oh ffs-dd has been pushchair refusenik for about 6 months-turns out she was bitten by a dog on the foot while out with MIL

24 replies

Fillyjonk · 18/04/2007 20:05

am aaarghing

oh course MIL said nothing, but now she has learnt to speak its all come out...ds has independently corroborated this. As far as I can make out the dog put his mouth over dd's foot and possibly nipped it. It can't have been that bad-I didn't notice anything, but then she has loads of scratches and scrapes

So that explains why, for about 6 months, she has been terrified of dogs, and of pushchairs, especially the one she was out in when it happened.

Yes I probably should ask MIL, but whats the point, my kids have independently told me the same story and she'll just deny it. Its not a big deal really and probably not her fault but WHY not fecking TELL me. I am quite reasonable really, they get away with all sorts of crap.

aaargh.

OP posts:
WigWamBam · 18/04/2007 20:08

I think you should ask her. Even if she lies, she'll know that you're onto her and might think twice about keeping things from you again.

fryalot · 18/04/2007 20:09

If she's anything like my mother, she won't even remember.... but I think you should mention it to her anyway.

BandofMothers · 18/04/2007 20:11

Agree with wigwam. Ask and see what she says, then make it plain you know she's lying. It might put her off lying to you again, after all, what else might she be lying about or not telling you????

Original poster
Fillyjonk · 18/04/2007 20:11

oh feck me she's always doing stuff like this

i have looooong list

i kind of trust her to do her best with my kids but not to actually tell me whats gone on

when i was hyper vigilant mother of PBS she gave ds all sorts of sugary non organic crap behind my back-have relaxed now but if it was my DIL I would probably respect her neuroticisms, just cos, well, thats how new parents are, and the trust is surely more important.

OP posts:
CarGirl · 18/04/2007 20:12

If your MIL knows about the dog/pushchair issues you have been having - ie you've mentioned to her that she is petrified etc and she has still kept it from you I would def bring it up. Even if it is just "I wish you had told me that she got nipped by a dog in that pushchair, it would have made it much easier to help her get over it" type of way.

I'd be fuming if she does know the repurcussions you've had and not said anything. I got my dd over dog phobia took a long time though

Lizzer · 18/04/2007 20:13

I agree! Get it in to the open, I think that's disgusting not to have mentioned it. Anyone who looks after your child know's the unwritten rule of telling the parent what happened in the time you were with them. I still do it to dd's friends parents if they come round for tea, what they played with, have eaten etc...
She might be mortified but so what, she should know better. You could do it in a fairly nice way if you didn't want to be too confrontational...

Lizzer · 18/04/2007 20:14

oops that thread went far too fast for my slow typing..

Original poster
Fillyjonk · 18/04/2007 20:14

oh god she will deny it

and then accuse us of all sorts of manupulative crap

i do hate her visits but she is not actually a danger to the kids (I don't know how this happened but I honestly believe she wouldn't have been negligent or anything-she is a complete worrier). Actually she started refusing to take them both out together about 6 months ago, aha.

I kind of feel, well, she is not to my taste but she's my kids grandma and i have no right to interfere too much in that relationship

OP posts:
Original poster
Fillyjonk · 18/04/2007 20:15

NOTHING is out in the open in dp's family

and she rewrites everything in her head

telling the truth and working from there is very important to me and dp

I find it very hard to deal with, tbh.

OP posts:
Lizzer · 18/04/2007 20:15

She sounds like a real treasure Fillyjonk

Original poster
Fillyjonk · 18/04/2007 20:20

ohhhhhhh yes

any tips on getting dd over pushchair phobia?

or me over MIL phobia?

OP posts:
CarGirl · 18/04/2007 21:53

I think all you can do is reassure dd that you will not let any dog hurt her - verbalise her terror "You don't want to do in the pushchair you're scared the dog will hurt you" "mummy will not let you get hurt"

I know she is a little young to understand but it may help.

Poor dd - as for MIL I think I would just state "I'm so disappointed that you didn't tell me that a dog nipped dd in the pushchair I thought it was you that had done something to frighten her" as you are departing from her house......[evil cackle emotion]

Original poster
Fillyjonk · 18/04/2007 21:54

pmsl

same technique for dd and MIL then?

sounds good...

OP posts:
CarGirl · 18/04/2007 21:58

the dog phobia is a bit easier. I used to praise my dd for walking past a dog on the opposite side of the street without losing it and built up from there - lots of acknowledging "you're frightened, that's ok but you're okay" then lots of well done for doing it regardless of how well she had coped. after about a year my friend and her dog came to stay and it only took her half an hour to get close enough to him to stroke him and after that she asked if she could stroke 2 red setters - this was when she was about 3.5!!!!!

TooTicky · 18/04/2007 21:59

Pushchairs are so restrictive though, and damned difficult to escape from. Not suggesting you would put her in a bad situation, of course, but the feeling is still there. Esp after a bad experience. Sorry, I'm not trying to be unhelpful...

Original poster
Fillyjonk · 18/04/2007 22:01

oh god i agree tick

ds never had a pushchair

but I don't really have a car and ds's nursery is Far Away.

and she refuses to walk at all, she wants carrying all the way. She won't even go in the ergo, which would be tolerable

OP posts:
Original poster
Fillyjonk · 18/04/2007 22:02

sounds good, cargirl

i don't mind a bit of dog-wariness-think it can be helpful not to have toddlers sticking their faces at dogs mouths-but this is absurb. she woke up last night asking if there was a dog coming up the stairs

OP posts:
TooTicky · 18/04/2007 22:02

this may be better

Original poster
Fillyjonk · 18/04/2007 22:03

liking your ergo there?

OP posts:
Original poster
Fillyjonk · 18/04/2007 22:03

liking your ergo there?

OP posts:
TooTicky · 18/04/2007 22:05

Erm, well, it was okay for a bit. But dd2 suddenly seems somehow taller and less stable. And she says no. And I still can't put it on by myself. And she actually quite likes the buggy as it's a novelty - just for around the village though. If we go to town she walks (and gets carried...).

Original poster
Fillyjonk · 18/04/2007 22:07

oh

the other thing is that she has decided she doesn't like being low down

which is hard as she is much less than a metre tall

OP posts:
TooTicky · 18/04/2007 22:10

Stilts? Or could you push a bike with her on a child seat? Okay, still not ideal.

skibump · 18/04/2007 22:18

I quite often take my ds out on a push along trike - on eiwht a parental handle obviously otherwise we'd never get anywhere It might be too low for her though. What a pain, I can't believe mil didn't tell you, how crap is that?

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