Does life get any easier? I feel unmotivated and sad.

[twinkletoes1994]

Hello, I'm posting as I think I just need to type how I feel because I feel so... I don't even know how I feel, I just don't feel like me anymore.

My first baby, a daughter is about to turn one, she's very lively, just started walking and into everything. I love her more than anything.

Background My partner (age 30) works 45 hours a week roughly.
I work 20 hours a week. Mortgaged 3 bed semi, very regular average life. I'm 23 years old.

I feel I don't stop, I know I'm only part time and I know how lucky I am to be able to afford to not work full time.
I'm constantly fighting piles of washing that look more like it belongs to a family of 8 than a family of 3.
The kitchens always a mess, and always has a feint nappy aroma in the air.
No matter how many times I hoover the hall and rooms there's always some kind of food on the carpets, toys galore, baby just wants to play and climb.

I haven't even gotten dressed today. I look at pictures of people in magazines and on tv and they look so well put together, I used to be well put together I just don't have time. The only days I look nice are the 3 days I work.
My partner helps a lot when he's here, he'll cook some days and try to clean up.

I just feel sad but I feel selfish for feeling sad.
Is there anything as a mum that I can do to get up, feel motivated and brighter?

Hi@twinkletoes1994
Aww i know how you feel, I've been there and it's a horrible feeling to have.

My husband too works long hours especially in the winter and I too work 20 hours but even tho your only part time it's a full time job as when your not working your looking after the baby then running a house. Us mums have a tough job. Sometimes don't think men appreciate how much we actually do. Although from your post your partner seems hands on when he can be which is really good as at least you have got that family unit which is important.

I think most mums will agree that we all feel like this from time to time. You have a little human who had taken over your world and you wouldn't change it as they bring you a love that is like any other you have had.

Have you got any family/friends who can help out. Even if it was minding your daughter for a few hours while you go the shops or to have a little break. It's hard trying to get 'you' time but as your daughter gets older she will become more independent won't rely on you so much and you start to feel a bit better.
I hope this has helped a little your very welcome to reply back to this post.

From what you said from your post your doing a brilliant job and like I have said its hard being a mum but so rewarding too. Just think how happy your daughter is knowing you have made a difference in her life.
I see some sad things in my job and even when I am having bad times at home sometimes I think about all the things I do to make a difference and all the positive things in my life. It puts it all into perspective.
Take care lovely.

It certainly seems very common/normal to feel like this some of the time. if you feel like this all the time maybe speak to your health visitor or GP.

Other things that I /my friends find helpful:
spending time out of house on days at home. A day indoors with a 1 year old would have driven me and my daughter mad. Toddler groups/library groups/children's centre type groups are a lifeline especially when weather is bad.
Meeting other Mums and having moan can be therapeutic.
some council run gyms have free/cheap creche which means you could get some exercise/breathing space.

Does she sleep well at night? If not consider your options to help her improve- much harder to cope with days when you are so tired.

I'm a big believer in low domestic standards when children are young - tolerate mess not dirt ideally. carpets/food are difficult. Banning food outside kitchen works for me. Spending more time out of house also means less time inside to look at mess!

Try to use nap time for you-time rather than just cleaning up.

Also toddlers are hard work. It does get easier. Depends on the child but I found 18 months a big milestone.
Hope you feel better soon.

It definitely gets massively easier!

Can you limit where she is allowed to eat to reduce the food on floors?
Only change nappies in her bedroom or the bathroom?
Try and get yourself sorted first thing in the morning. I find that if I don't get dressed as soon as I'm up then it's hard to get back upstairs as DC are demanding attention.
And try to get outside everyday. Even in the rain. A decent puddlesuit should keep your dd dry and the fresh air will help immensely

The stuff you see in magazines is stage managed fake bullshit. Do not compare yourself to that, it doesn't exist

Yes, yes, yes!

Yes to clubs and childrens centres. Also, parents on tv/social media or super mums. They are either super human, lying or not showing the whole process of parenting. You don't know what they don't show.

I try to think of the "wow, my child did that today" moments before sleep or when I feel like shit and have swept the floor for the millionth time that day.

It's so hard but it will get easier to manage. At least I keep telling myself that.

At 23 that is hard - I feel like that a lot but I am 39 and kind of getting there. I work full time and sometimes cry over my old life/fashion and being me.
Mine are 3 & 4 but we had a huge rennovation at home too...

Try and get out of the house. Get your hair done on a Saturday mornings

Gets much better, bear with it a little longer

I hear you. I sympathise as I feel like this a lot too! I can only assume that as the little ones get older, it gets easier. Friends with older children seem an awful lot less chaotic and much more together than we are. And they get date nights. And they get time to do things alone. Maybe that'll be us one day in the future ;)

Yes it gets better. Hang in there. If you can afford help, get it. then you can get out to a cafe and read a book (or something else that you like - some like running but to me that sounds awful...) as BLESSED as we all are it is mind numbing being a domestic all day long. It is boring and relentless. But it does get easier.

xxxx

I woke up today and made my self get ready (I don't look perfect but i look presentable)
Me and my daughter went for a walk to the shops and stopped at my mums on the way home for half an hour.

We came home at 12:30 baby has been asleep since so I've scrubbed the kitchen and all the appliances. The smell of cleaning products makes me feel a bit better

I'm now going to start cleaning out her play room, I'll bag up some of her old toys and clothes for the charity shop and have a good de clutter!

I need to keep my self feeling motivated. I want the house nice for the Christmas season.

I don't drive and the baby centre is 5 miles away, we take her to baby swimming every other Tuesday when partner is off and she has 3 cousins born the same time as her as well as 3 toddler cousins so she has interaction from them which is great.

We plan on putting her into nursery when she's 1 and a half, my sister owns the nursery so that's a huge help!

I see all these other mums and they just look like they have it all sorted, they look screwed on, smart and make it look easy, Mums on here always sound great too... I want to be like that. I just don't feel I am. I have days where I don't get dressed and then I get lazy, we end up watching CBeebies all day as we play! I need to snap out of it.

Need to keep motivated!

none of us are great all the time. (social media/TV are not reality)
good enough parenting is the term some use.
Do you live somewhere that has a church hall toddler group- where I live every church seems to have 1 and you don't need to be religious/church going to attend.
Sounds like today is a better day.

I think it's hard to maybe get stuck in a rut but keep yourself active and busy. Days out when the weather is dry. Fun days in painting, making cakes, singing songs. If it's rainy.
Nursery sounds great! It's brilliant for them I highly recommend it. My little girl started going at one and she has come on loads. At least when she goes to nursery it may free up some of your time to do things for yourself! Think it's hard getting 'me time' sometimes but with your little one in nursery it may free up some of your time.

You will find there will be more of a routine and may start to feel motivated about your days.

I have been there but it does get easier and from your posts your a great mum. Try not put yourself down. Do something for you and keep your chin up. We are all not perfect we try are best and do what we can! Good luck lovely!! xx