Daughter dropping out of uni

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Please help....I am sitting here waiting for my daughter to arrive home having just left uni after one term. I don't know why, but I feel hideously sad and tearful and have got to try and get it together before my daughter arrives.
I am so very proud of her....she went off to a uni 4 hrs away and has been extremely homesick and anxious. Although the uni claimed to have a fantastic student welfare dept, she was unable to get an appt for the entire time she was there..instead being told it was a 2-3 month waiting list. She really threw herself into uni life, joining the hockey team, making a nice group of friends and liking her course. I think this is why I feel so gutted she has decided to walk away. I know it has been such a hard decision for her and one we talked through so many times. In the end she put it down to being so far from home, missing her boyfriend and really disliking busy city life. She has found a similar course at a local uni and is waiting to hear.
I know I should just remember I have a gorgeous daughter who I have a wonderful relationship with and who is healthy and well and that in the grand scheme of things, this is not important....but I just feel so incredibly sad and tearful. I think I May just be pretty exhausted after 8 weeks of tearful phone calls and trying to support and encourage her with her choice. I think it is also the thought of potentially going through this all again in September. Please help....feeling so low and I know I need to be there for my girl x

Firstly - you are a great mother. Can she transfer so she goes straight into the course now or does she have to start again from the beginning next sept? If so, it isn't all negative, she could build up a decent bank balance and get her CV updated/ maybe travel a little if she wants to?

I'm sorry you are so upset op . You sound like a great mother. What a shame that the uni welfare set up were so useless.

Sorry to ask, but if your dd loves her course and friends, are you sure her boyfriend isn't putting any undue pressure on her to come back? (If he stayed back at home that is.)

She has stuck it out for a term, has taken a difficult decision and has been proactive in finding an alternative course. Encourage her to fill her time well before next September.

You should be proud of her. She is resilient and has coped with failure and turned it into a positive.

I dropped out on my first uni as it was completely the wrong fit for me. I went 2 years later to Leeds, had a ball, got a good degree and am now moderately successful in my career. Don't worry.

Thank you so so much ladies for your replies. I really am grateful. She is now home and has been telling me all about her last weekend with her friends. My heart is just screaming out..why did you leave! It is a good point Sludgecolours re her boyfriend.. But I think it's more a case that they think an awful lot of each other and she just hated being away from him. I am just so scared she won't find the same kind of group again. She applied to.Southampton uni but has since been told she would be living on the small art campus in Winchester..so not the most vibrant replacement ...but closer 😟. I am finding this letting them go impossible! That's great to hear your experience Spankhurst...Thank you again everyone x (just keeping feeling so guilty I should have encouraged her more to stay 😪)

My ds is first year at a prestigious university and loathes it. He is seeing the student counsellor, has been to the doctor and is currently looking at other unis and also work.
It's awful knowing your child is going through this.

Also thank you Littlelambpeep..really helpful positive suggestions for the next few months ...right now it feels like the end of the world..but I know it won't be 😀 x

HRTpatch...I so feel for you. It is the worst feeling, being so far away and feeling so helpless. It really annoys me that suddenly at 18 they are seemed adults and parental involvement is so frowned upon. Hang in there HRTpatch. I ended up speaking to my dd's tutor so I at least had some contact with someone else. Big big hug.x

I know it feels like a huge blow for now, but there are lots of positives in this. As others have said, she’s kept you in the loop and has come to you for support. She’s made a very brave, mature decision and has followed her gut feelings. All of this is sooo much better than feeling lonely and miserable on the inside but outwardly ‘fine’ and sticking it out somewhere because leaving feels like it’s not an option. She can make the most of this year in terms of work experience and can make a more informed choice for next year. Loads of students change courses/Unis and it works out fine in the end good luck!

My daughter came home this year after a total of 2 weeks, Was so sad for her especially as all the things she had worried about like making friends and partying were fine. She just changed her mind about the course. The university were hugely supportive and gave her lots of support to make the right decision. Now she is applying for different courses next year and has a full time job. She is happy with her decision and I would rather she did something she really wants to than sticks something out and was unhappy. We too had lots of tearful phone calls am sure it will be ok for your daughter.

Thanks vine
It's not helped by me moving 200 miles away in January. But we will get though it.

Glad no undue pressure from boyfriend being applied op; I 'm not there yet but I guess I would be focusing discussions on this being a time for her to develop her own potential and career prospects without letting a relationship get in the way (easier said than done though I know).

Aside from that, she may just need nine months or a year to mature a bit and then return to the fray! (Similar things have happened to the dc of friends of mine and in all instances things have worked out fine in the end! I have to say though most of them were miserable at uni at weekends and not enjoying it like your dd.)

Ultimately though, is true DD going to drop out of uni, it's better to do it earlier than later. Hope it all works out for you!

You are both so right! I think that is totally right...that she had a gut feeling she just didn't want to be there. Having a couple of good nights out/week probably just wasn't worth the rest of the week being where she didn't want to be. So good to hear your daughter harridan50 has no regrets 😀 really reassuring x

Hi,

I'm currently a student and one of my best friends dropped out also. Sometimes university isn't for everyone and isn't what it's made out to be.

I'm from a small village and moved to Leeds which is a pretty big city which is constantly busy, it was a huge shock but a great one for me and I have thrived. I'm close to my parents and I call them every single day regardless of what I'm doing. My parents have visited me, I've gone home twice and my friends also come down for nights out, which is great. Some people adjust differently to change and you can't knock them for it.

I do hope your daughter makes the correct decision, you sound like a very supportive parent,

Best of luck X

Thank you Lanya for your encouraging message. That's great to hear you have thrived in Leeds. That is so important to just "surviving" and that was definitely the difference with my dd. She was (just) surviving. The wonderful thing is that 8weeks on, my dd is now the thriving too. It is so exciting to see! She has got a job, is involved with lots of volunteering and.setting up a business with a friend. I am so very thrilled. She is a different and extremely happy girl. She still has her place in Sept at a more local uni if she chooses to go. But Lanya, I think you have definitely hit the nail on the head....we want our darling girls to thrive and nothing makes us Mum's hearts sing more, than seeing our girls thrive. So very glad you are having a wonderful time and thank.you again for your very thoughtful message. X