This needs a bit of background to explain why I would like to check my judgement here.
I grew up in a family where my mother and my eldest brother suffered from severe mental illnesses. They clashed with each other frequently and I know she was violent with him when he was little. As such, I don´t have a great sense of what is normal either in terms of parenting or in terms of children´s emotions and this is what I want help with.
I understand children have strong emotions and that they are not always in control, able to get themselves out of a bad mood, or have any insight into what caused it.
This sort of meeod has happened to DS since he was two or three maybe once or twice a year.
DS is is 7 and usually a funny bright and very affectionate little boy. Sometimes, although infrequently, he gets into really bad moods he is not able to get himself out of. I will give an example in a minute. I can generally see where these are going and my strategy is essentially to stay calm, try not to pander to it, let him know I am there for him, and let it blow itself out. If I try and help it generally just escalates but it doesn´t change the course of the mood, if you see what I mean. This usually ends up in him trying to hurt his soft toys which he adores or throw them away. This makes him cry with remorse and eventually he recovers with a big hug from me.
The last couple of times he has threatened to hurt me or himself and I find this worrying. I make it clear that this is not acceptable but don´t tell him off or punish him as he is too wound up for it to do any good. I don´t know if it is something I should be worried about or not but as there is a history of suicide in my family it sets off alarm bells internally (although I stay calm for him). What I want help with is how normal is this and do I handle it ok.
So, today´s example. DS and DD (who is 9) wanted to go to the park so we got ready. While getting ready DS started playing a game with his Lego and decided he didn´t want to leave. This wasn´t fair on DD, so I gave him five minutes to finish his game but made it clear we were going. We left and he wasn´t happy about it but most times when things don´t go his way he will just cheer up or get distracted and we´ll have a good time.
By the time we got to the park it was clear this wasn´t going to happen. DD offered to play with him (which she did several times - they get on really well). DS was having none of it, alternately trying to run away (halfheartedly) and sulk at me (including threats to kill himself and me). I told him if he wasn´t going to play in the park he would have to sit next to me as I couldn´t let him run off and that it ws naughty to try and scare me with threats and that the threats wouldn´t change anything.
He sat down next to me asking for help, what to play, saying there was nothing to do, wanting to go home etc and rejecting any suggestions of what to do or any anything coming from me. This got more and more insistent, both the pleading and the rejections so after DD had had a decent play I said it was five minutes to home time.
DS started crying and begging to stay. I said he could stay if he could prove he was going to play but he didn´t he just kept crying more loudly. I decided to cut out losses and go home. He cried all the way home to go back to the park but I said no. I felt he was just so wound up it was no good (although he did manage to stop crying when he saw a school friend) and perhaps he was ill and tired (he has a cold, he was out late at a party last night).
He was raging at home, threw his cuddlies out of bed and stamped on them. I told him to come and sit with me in the kitchen so he didn´t hurt them (I thought a bit of dinner might do some good too). I listened to him cry (alot) and he was very sad and worried saying he had wasted that bit of his life. I cuddled him and reassured him that everything was ok, that everyone got in an bit of a spin sometimes btu that was ok, that there would be the chance to go to the park tomorrow and an hour or so wasted wan´t really that important.
Once he had calmed down and had had some dinner I talked to them both about why I had decided to come hom. They both seemed ok with it.
He is now happy, although a bit red faced. He has just this moment come in to give me a kiss and say, ´oo I got in a bit of a mood´ and to make a joke about not being able to go back to the park now. We´re about to have a little play before bed.
This is pretty typical of how these moods go.
So, my questions are: does it sound like I handle these things ok? And, how normal do these moods seem? Do they seem very extreme to you? I just don´t have any way of judging these things.
BTW I do have a DH but he is away from work ATM. This is quite long term (15 months now - we seem him every three months or so, sometimes for a few weeks sometimes for longer). I cut the kids slack because they do miss him very much. We are also living temporarily abroad in an non-English speaking country so they have had that to deal with too. DH has never seen one of these moods.