If your DC eats none of their dinner, what do you do?

[Bubbinsmakesthree]

3yo DS1 is a fussy eater. I am doing my best to follow the advice I have frequently been given that my job is to present the meal, he chooses whether he eats it or not. No substitutions etc. I am trying to cook a range of healthy family meals and not pander too much to him. This means some meal times he literally eats nothing at all. He doesn't seem overly bothered by this but I feel guilty sending him to bed on an empty stomach.

What do you do?

I always offer dd supper whether she eats her dinner or not - I was told that if you separate events by 20-30 minutes that todlers don't link them. Personally I think sending them to bed hungry is a bit mean and also pointless because she'll just wake me when she 's hungry at 2am!! So she has milk and fruit before bed regardless of how much dinner is eaten.

I make my toddler toast, or give her cereal if she doesn’t eat her dinner. But, it doesn’t happen that often because I give her two choices: do you want sausage and beans, or do you want spaghetti and meatballs? She chooses and generally eats what she’s picked.

I make sure that they do like one element of the meal so it’s rare for them to eat nothing.

We used to offer toast for supper but one of them would eat no dinner then a tonne of toast.

I now let them have fruit, yoghurt or oatcakes and cheese just before bed.

Just let them go to bed...

Is there always at least one thing on the plate that they like?

If they eat nothing then that’s fine. My DC always have supper before bed regardless of whether they had dinner so they won’t go to bed hungry.

I also follow the always offer something with dinner they do like rule.

He can have a slice of toast with butter or a banana if he is hungry before bed. Not exciting but filling enough to stop him going to bed hungry.

We have a child with autism who has an incredibly restrictive diet (he is 5). The dietician told us to just offer whatever we have without fuss and if he doesn’t eat it we don’t make any issue of it and just give him something else he will eat - tonight he had a cheese toasted (he mainly lives on bread and cheese!) By doing this he’s gradually trying lots of new foods and it’s make a big difference to what he will eat - he eats carrots and bits of meat now where he never would before.

I always did what you did OP. Neither of my children are big eaters. Very occasionally my younger DD would start crying at bedtime because she was so hungry (because she'd refused to eat any tea), and I might then let her have one piece of toast - but it's all done on purpose. She leaves her dinner in the hope that there'll be something sweet later (she has a very sweet tooth), and she asks for food just before bed because she wants to delay bedtime. I don't have the heart to refuse though and I know she probably is hungry. She's 7 now and does this a lot less often. One thing I have always done though, is allowed free access to the fruit bowl, so my younger DD eats a lot of fruit.

My older DD is 12 now and still eats very little - she rarely eats breakfast (occasionally toast at school) and then has sandwich + cake for lunch, then she'll eat half of a small plate of something like spag bol for tea. Both my girls are slim, but not skinny - perfect weight really.

To be fair I'm the same, so I've never seen missing meals as a big problem - there's loads of times when it gets to meal time, and I'm just not that hungry, so I don't bother eating anything. Again, I'm short like my girls and slim, but not skinny.

Mine aren't too fussy.
I offer DS1 a banana a bit later, and DS2 cereal. Neither food is their favourite, and if they eat them, I know they are truly hungry, and then offer more if they ask (usually the other way round as that us a much more popular choice from each if them!). If they decline the "not favourite" foods I know they dudntvest because they weren't hungry, and leave it be.
For us, they usually decline.

Used to let DS have plain toast. He grew out of it and a meal would have to be truly vile (or he ill) for him to eat nothing these days.

My younger dd was a fussy eater when she was 2/3. I always made sure there was at least one thing on the plate she ate (uncooked carrots with a roast for example because she wouldn't eat cooked carrots!) and she could always choose fruit and/or yogurt for pudding. Some days she still ate nothing even if it was a plate of things she liked which was incredibly stressful for me (but I tried not to let it show)

She's 6 now and I work by the same principle (with the whole family in fact) and she tries lots of things (takes the teeniest mouthfuls of new things) and she eats quite a wide variety of food - but I think that some people see food as fuel she is just one of them whereas I really love food.

Yeah I feel your pain. I don't make a big deal I ask them a few times nicely to eat it but I never argue it just leaves us both feeling shitty. I then offer some fruit, cheese, toast & peanut butter later before bed often ignored too lol. Sometimes I wonder what mine runs on. He will then have a day where he eats loads. Just keep offering varied you are doing absolutely fine.

I really like Dr Orlena Kerek she is a paediatrician with 4 kids and she gives some pretty good advice. Mostly pick your battles and food isn't worth the grief but she does share loads of healthy snack ideas and stuff.

snotty-noses.com/about_orlena.html

We have the same issue, topped off my ds really mucking about if he doesn't want to eat : playing with food etc.

We've started ignoring everything. Give him a plate and not comment on anything.

If he doesn't eat we offer him a bit of cereal before bed, so 2 hours later

Same as Mustang. Try not to make it a battle, encourage but don't force. Then we do a healthy 'snack plate' with books before bed. Apple slices, blueberries, oatcakes, kale crackers, cheese, toast, dry alpha bites, melon; that sort of thing.

I try not to offer meals that are overly challenging but there are things he'll eat one day and refuse the next. He loves plain toast so I don't want to get in the habit of him holding out for a bit of plain bread.

People who offer a later supper, how are you timing dinner, supper and bed? It always feels like a race from dinner to bath to bed and I don't really know where I'd fit a pre-bed snack into the routine. He has a beaker of milk after dinner/before bed but nothing to eat.

Depends on the child. My DD is underweight so I would definitely be offering a snack and/or supper later before bed but if you have no health concerns I think it’s better to let them eat to appetite rather than forcing the issue so if he’s not bothered just let him go to bed

Pre-school does tea at about 4.30, I collect at 6ish and we are home by about 6.20/6.30. So it's 10 mins play to unwind, bath, changes for bed by around 7.15 which is when we do snack which is with bedtime books and so asleep for 8. Not ideal and late for some kids, but it works for us.

Our timings are 5:30 dinner, 6:30 supper, 6:45 bath

Eat their food (or put it in the food waste if I'm not hungry) and they go to bed. They're not going to starve overnight.

Im not happy to coax a child to eat - I want them to listen to their appetite, eat when they're hungry, stop when they're full.

I don't mind offering snacks after bath and jammies we brush teeth just before bed and he only gets water. Dinner is about 5.30-6 and bedtime is 8pm so snacks would be about 7.30. My wee one still takes a 2hr nap during the day so any earlier and it would be an hrs fight to get him to sleep.

Dd is a very fussy eater. I cook her what she asks for and she still normally leaves it and it goes in the bin She hasn't much of an appetite and usually doesn't want anything else making anyway. Not sure how she survives tbh but she seems healthy and just eats when she wants to.

If it’s a new thing that um trying and he doesn’t seem to like it, he’ll get bread and butter and pudding as normal.

If it’s something I know he likes but he’s acting the goat he gets nothing else. Hes 20months, not motivated by food (that isn’t chips or biscuits anyway) and has a bottle of milk before bed so I’m not worried about him starving.

If it's something my Dc have eaten before but are now refusing, I assume they're not hungry. I don't do alternitives but they usually have a pudding (often fruit or tinned fruit or a yoghurt) and my toddlers have milk at bedtime so they do get something.

We eat at 4pm, bath and 5.15, bed at 6pm.

My teenager and adults have supper around 8pm but I always at least have a snack with the toddlers to encourage them. I always sit with them at meals.

He's a healthy weight and has a good appetite on him if it is something he is motivated to eat. He never complains of being hungry but I am not sure he actually knows / can articulate hunger yet.