Life with a 4 month old - boredom & frequent feeding

[zozo83]

Hi all, this is my first post here...

Ds is four month old (nearly 5), and I'm finding it hard!

The main issue is that he seems to get bored very easily. He doesn't nap much during the day (on average 2 to 3 30 minute naps - he doesn't seem to need more), which leaves a lot of time to get through. He wants to feed (formula) very frequently - like every hour if he had it his way! I think its just because he gets bored - he's very awake and interested in the world and I'm finding it really tough to keep him occupied/distracted from wanting another bottle. (I try to keep it to every two hours but we often only manage 1.5)

A few weeks back I was madly trying to entertain him (songs , constant interaction etc) all day which was utterly exhausting. Having read some other threads on here I'm trying to increase the amount of time he is happily entertaining himself (in the gym or the bouncy chair) and its helping a bit, but that still leaves a lot of day to get through.

We normally get out for a walk in the park early morning and late afternoon but other outings are few and far between. I'm an expat living in Mumbai and its just too hot to get out much during the rest of the day and activities/classes for babies just don't exist here.

When boredom sets in, only a bottle will settle him. Or is he genuinely hungry that often?! He's a very good weight and the Dr has told me I need to go easy on how much we're feeding him as his weight gain is pretty fast at the moment - currently we're diluting the formula a little more than normal on his advice. The whole day is a struggle to eek out the time between bottles and not feed him too much.

Sorry, I'm aware this is a long ramble rather than a question. I guess I'm asking if anyone has any advice for going longer between bottles, or just reassurance that they went through something similar and that its not that unusual?

We are coming to the UK for Xmas and I'm stressed about managing such frequent feeds on a 9 hour flight - being able to carry enough clean bottles to cope specifically.

If anyone is still here, thank you very much in advance for any thoughts you can offer

Are you sure he is hungry or bored?
Could he be tired or in pain/discomfort?
I wonder if there is an underlying medical issue that is causing him to be unsettled and want to feed a lot?
I could be projecting massively but I recently discovered that my son has silent reflux which explains some of his previous behaviour. I'm not saying your son has it but I suggest you consider reflux and other things. Just in case.
It's really not normal for a formula fed baby to have milk every 1.5 hours.

I honestly think you're wrongly interpreting boredom / hungry when he's actually tired.

This shows the length of time babies should be awake

www.mybabysleepguide.com/2010/10/sleep-by-age-index.html

When DD was younger she used to feed every 2 hours. Looking back on it now I know she probably wasn't hungry and was just tired/needing comfort.

I agree witth looking into reflux for the frequent feeding.

Could you go swimming? The bonus of that is he will be tired and you might then get him to have a decent nap.

If you can’t go to groups can you start one? Have playdates —for your own sanity—?

Also look at pinterest for things to make tummy time more interesting.

Long splashy baths with lots of toys? Messy play?

Best of luck

Thanks everyone.

I'm fairly sure its not tiredness as I've been through phases of being convinced he must need more sleep and tried to get him down more frequently and he just won't have it. I do still try to do naps more often with him if I think he might be tired but these 'extra naps' never work. When he is tired he does quite a lot of yawning and eye rubbing before he's actually tired enough to sleep. Or maybe I'm just doing something totally wrong when it comes to sleep and naps? I'll look into it.

And thanks for the reflux idea. I hadn't considered it but I'll investigate.

The reason I think its boredom is that a change of scene (moving from gym to bouncy chair to kicking about on the bed) often cures the grumbles (until we get to the 1.5/2 hour point). But I guess it could be that it is working to distract him from tiredness or discomfort or whetever else is bugging him rather than boredom...

And thanks for the ideas Eminado. Playgroups and swimming are two things I could/should be doing but aren't terribly convenient here...

For swimming its a choice of the local pool, which is a bit gross, or a very expensive hotel pool.

For playgroups there is a lovely group of expat ladies with babies of a very close age but its at least an hour in the car to get to them (damn Mumbai traffic!) and it totally clashes with the precious little nap time we do have so I've only been once, and it ended in large amounts of tears. There is a more local group but its for older kids really and its a bit too late in the day to be useful. I've tried putting the feelers out for more local people with babies to meet up but haven't had any response

I hadn't thought of looking on Pinterest or of 'messy play' whatever that might involve - I'll look into it!

I sometimes go to the mall just to walk about somewhere cool and have a change of scene but again its a decent drive to get there, it interferes with naps, and it gets pretty damn boring (no decent shops here).

Jeez am I totally unreasonably negative? At least we'll be leaving here in the spring to return to Europe and we have a two week trip to Europe for Xmas so perhaps he'll be on the next stage and things will be easier when we're back in the new year.

I think it's possible (I hope you don't take this the wrong way) that it's you that's bored, not him. Babies at this age really need very little stimulation. I don't think I ever really read to mine or actively tried to entertain her at that age. She did sleep more (about 3 1-hour naps a day), but in between, I mostly just held her or wore her in a wrap while I did things around the house or answered emails or brought her along on errands. She just did what I did during the day. So maybe the question is, is there something you can do to entertain yourself during the day? They really do pick up on our boredom and restlessness and that can cause fussiness, which you might be interpreting as hunger.

I can imagine it must be really hard to get out and do things. My husband and I used to live in Pune, but before we had kids. You said you go for a walk, what about other things like going out for lunch or to a cafe for a coffee, going to an ac shopping centre for the afternoon, go do your food shopping. I would do those things regardless of nap times. You might be surprised that will some practice, he sleeps perfectly well when you're out. I never stayed home for naps. Mine slept in the car, in the pushchair, in the wrap, wherever we were. It meant we could go to anything and I never planned around naps. Honestly, at this age, it's really about you rather than them. When they get closer to 1 they need to be entertained and socialise, but in these early months, not really. So I would try to think about what you would do with your free time if you had a whole day off and try to do that as much as you can. I would also definitely go to the expat group, even if it's an hour in the car. Do you have a driver? Or do you have to take a taxi? If I had to drive myself, it might put me off as I don't know I'd have the guts to do that in Mumbai, but if you could get someone else to drive you, it might be worth it if it's once a week.

I second looking into reflux as my 4 month old can now go 4 hours between feeds, but before the reflux was diagnosed it was every 1.5-2 hours.

Pinterest has loads of ideas for baby activities, and maybe build yourself a rough schedule to go with the walks? I'd also persevere with the expat baby group, if you can get him used to napping outside the house it'll be far easier long term.

I'm an expat too and it's tough, I find getting out the house is key.

If you do think it might be reflux, this Facebook group has a helpful list of symptoms (which you can see without having to join the group).

It's a bit of random source but I checked the NHS website on reflux and it wasn't very detailed or useful.

My first thought wasn’t reflux, my first thought was maybe you need to give him larger bottles and space them out. Being hungry will also stop him from sleeping.

I believe you can give 150-200 ml per kilo per day. At 5 months, I think my son was already nearly 6 kilos at that age so he was having 6 bottles x 150 per day(at least)

Thanks everyone, it seems there probably is something else going on here then.

I'm trying again to get more/better naps out of him. He managed an hour + this morning and yesterday through picking him up and jiggling him every time he woke, and eventually putting him in the bed with me and lying next to him. I've bought a couple of sleep books to try and work out how to improve this...

I also think there might be something in the reflux though it seems hard to find good information about it. I too have looked at the NHS page a few times and then moved on as there's just not much on there. I'm going to take him to the Dr tomorrow to see what he thinks.

We have tried him on larger bottles but he just guzzled them down and still seemed to want more soon after! This was a few weeks back though see we could try again. He currently gets 120ml in a bottle.

As for getting out more, yes I probably should. Especially the expat babies group - we do have a driver so that's not the problem, its just that naps are so hard at home, let alone on the go. He won't sleep in the car (at least not in stop-start Mumbai traffic) and he only sleeps in the sling when I'm walking or jiggling. When I stop moving or sit down he doesn't last much longer. I hate being out and about and having him needing a nap and start crying and I'm not able to help him get a proper sleep. Any tips?!

Thanks for the link Namechange30.

Sparklyuggs, could explain a bit more about what happened with your situation? What was the change that allowed home to go longer between feedings? Medication or some other measures?

I have no answer for the naps when out and about, I'm afraid. It takes DS ages to fall asleep in the car so if we have longish car journeys I try and time them for when he'll need a nap so he does fall asleep eventually. He will fall asleep in the carrier but only when he's really tired and we're moving (have to walk/sway/jiggle). I've given up trying to get him to sleep in the pushchair as it takes a lot of very fast walking so it's not compatible with doing anything other than a long walk. If I have to do errands which involve stopping there's no chance of him falling asleep. Same with stop/start traffic as you say.

There is a bit more info about reflux here:
www.nct.org.uk/parenting/what-reflux
reflux.support/guide-to-reflux-silent-reflux/

I understand how hard it is with the naps. DS1 was a nightmare at that age, some babies have a hard time going to sleep. Does he sleep in the pram?
I agree that it's probably you that is bored. I felt exactly like you when DS1 was that age. Then I had DS2 and found it hard to believe that I had ever been able to think a 4mo could possibly be bored! They are quite happy to lie on the floor discovering what they can do with their hands. Occasionally chatting to them, regularly giving them a smile and a kiss, is more than enough interaction. Remember that when you change his nappies, feed him and bath him, that is the perfect time for intense interaction, songs and games. In between that, he will be perfectly happy discovering the world! There is nothing wrong with not entertaining your baby the whole time!
He does sound overtired, the grumbling stopping when you change the stimulation is typical of overtiredness.
I'd try getting him to nap at regular intervals. At 4 months, awake time is 2 hours max. So after 1.5 hours, I'd try settling him to sleep, regardless of whether he seems tired or not.
In any case, remember that this is just a phase, like everything during a baby's first year.

Thanks for the link NameChange30, that's probably the best resource I've seen on relfux. I haven't made it to the docs yet and I'm starting to doubt the reflux idea but I will go and get it checkout out anyway.

And thanks BertramTheWalrus for your sympathetic reply. I've been working really hard on naps and I'm coming to the conclusion that that's what it is after all! Geez I feel so silly! I just tried so flipping hard so many time to get him to sleep and when he still seemed wide awake but a bottle or some entertainment stopped him grumbling I assumed it was hunger/boredom... I've been reading some other threads on here about 4 month olds and naps and what we're experiencing seems fairly common - v v difficult to get them down, often only staying down for short periods, and naps getting harder as the day goes on. Tick, tick, tick!

So I'm dedicating this week to naps. We've just managed two hours this morning by me lying next to him and putting my hand on his chest or picking him up and jiggling him each time he starts coming out of it. After the first half hour he really wakes up and seems completely alert and happy, but by staying quiet and doing 10 minutes of jiggling I got him to sleep again. If I can at least understand how much sleep he needs/is capable of this week then that would be half the battle I reckon.

As for bored... I honestly wouldn't have said that. Frustrated, yes, exhausted, yes, and quite possibly unhappy, but not bored - I didn't/don't have time to be. But things seem a little more manageable now I've seen he is capable of more sleep, even if its very 'hands on'. And as you say I just keep telling myself its a phase, and then we'll move on to the next challenge!

And to answer your question, no he won't sleep in the pram, only the baby carrier whilst walking/jiggling. I think we'll aim to use our afternoon walk as a nap in the carrier.

120ml isn't very much. formula packet i've just bought suggests 210 at 5 months and my ds, who is a big 98 centile chunk, can drink 180 if hungry for the one feed lf it he gets at bedtime. He's bf on demand the rest of the time. And only grizzles when tired but needs help to sleep. He's happy to just watch me, 'chat' to me or play with one or two toys for quite a while

So he's probably hungry...