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[ARS157]

I feel so awful. I have one DC who is two and a new baby (10 weeks), everyone says that you’ll love your new baby just as much as your first and they’ll just “fit in” to the family but I don’t feel like I do or like that has happened. I love my baby but (I’m being honest) nowhere near as much as I love my 2yo. Sometimes I wonder what I’ve done and find myself regretting having a second baby. My 10wk old isn’t a great sleeper at all yet seems to sleep well when daddy is around - just not for me.

I’m sitting crying because baby is awake (again) for what feels like no reason (recently fed, no wind, clean bum) crying when i had only just put him down and he was perfectly settled and sound asleep. I find myself having to grit my teeth and count to ten (during the night mostly, daytime it doesn’t seem so bad) as I’m so frustrated. I’d never, ever hurt him. I’m just so tired and feel like such a shit, shit mum for feeling this way. I’m hoping as he grows and starts sleeping better and getting his own personality that the love will grow too? It’s killing me that this overwhelming love and bond didn’t just take hold of me this time and it’s just making me feel like such a bad, underserving person,

Before anyone mentions I don’t feel it’s PND, I have hope for future, I can feel totally fine all day and on “good nights” (though they are few and far between). It’s usually during the night when I’m tired and he’s not sleeping that I feel it worst. Though I still feel I love my 2yo more all the time,

I’m sorry you feel like this, and despite what you say, it really does sound like PND. Have you spoken to the health visitor about your feelings?

I don’t really feel I can talk to her about things like this she’s scatty and just breezes in and out quickly as if she’s always in a rush. I don’t feel comfortable discussing it with her but to be honest it really doesn’t seem like an issue in the day and I forget I’ve even felt this way sometimes then when I’m tired and up in the night it hits me again!

I’ve spoke to my partner (I had PNA last time which we both recognised was happening and was prescribed citalopram which worked really well so I have no issue getting help again if needed) so we are going to both keep talking and he’s going to let me know if he picks up on anything that I maybe don’t recognise in myself too. But it doesn’t feel the same as last time, I do love him and wouldn’t ever be without him - I just don’t feel the same as I do about my older child. I’m so hoping it will come!

It doesn’t sound like pnd to me

It sounds totally and utterly normal

Your 10 wk old is take take take. Whereas your firstborn is giving you so much. It’s not too surprising you have different feelings for them.

Don’t think about how your feel more live for your eldest. You are in the new born bubble and it can be wonderful or difficult. And it’s difficult for you. You will emerge and at that stage I’m pretty sure your feelings for your second will blossom. Don’t kick yourself when you’re down,

Thank you @Wishingandwaiting that’s kinda what I was hoping someone would say! The word normal is always nice or to know someone else feels the same always makes me feel a bit better x

ars I don't normally post at this time in the morning - usually rushing around like a loon!! 🙄 - but just wanted to quickly reassure I was Exactly the same. I wasn't 100% sure about a second child anyway - we did 'try' for Dc2 but I cried when I found out I'd conceived, and although I was overjoyed when we discovered it was a boy early on I had a horrible pregnancy which didn't help - and when he came along I just felt guilt at losing time with my then 2 year old who I adored and while he was obviously looked after and I knew I loved him, in the early days I quite often treated him almost like a pot plant - Iyswim!! - by tending to his needs almost mechanically.. he was a good baby at first but around four months his sleeping started to become more erratic and I really struggled!

I too occasionally questioned whether I'd made the right Decision but as his character grew so did my fondness for him (I'd always loved him off course, he wasn't my child!) and now at 2¾yrs he is amazing! Fortunately also those early memories are fading and I can see them for what they were, just normal, common or garden stresses of having not just a new baby but a second, and all the new emotions - more guilt! More tiredness!! - that just is party and parcel!

We are a great little family now, thinks are amazing, but needless to say we will Not be having anymore.... Maybe a dog!

Anyway, sorry for essay, but hang on in there - your baby cannot read your mind and doesn't know your self doubt - and keep doing what you need to for them both... The rest Will surely come!

Bloody hell oodles of typos there....
Teach me for posting on the run but Hopefully you get the gist!

@Frustratedboarder thank you SO MUCH, you have absolutely no idea how much better that makes me feel. My mother in law is taking him overnight so as me, my partner and DC1 can have a full night sleep (luckily he sleeps fab) and hopefully I’ll feel motivated and more refreshed tomorrow. I’m actually a little anxious about being away from him but I know he’ll be fine and it will be good for us to get a rest and I’ll be a better mummy for it. Thank you again so much. Hopefully in two years time I’ll be the exact same. I really do think I will be. X