child next door is horrid to my dd - what should I do?

[Mercedes]

We live next door to a girl of 10 who is not very nice to my dd aged 5. Last summer she was always making slighting remarks to my dd. I must admit that most of it went over my dd's head unless she was called a baby and then she did get upset. Although I think she wasn't aware of what was going on I always made sure that I was in the garden or within earshot to keep most of it at bay.
I had forgotton all about this till the easter week-end when we were back out in the garden again for longer periods of time and of course it starts all over again.
This time being older the girl next door is a bit more bolder and saying indirect things to either to her friends who are visiting or to herself in front of me and my dp. On the surface nothing about my dd but hey I've been a girl too and know exactly what was being said about who.She also ignores me when I''ve said hello to her when I see her at the school gates.
I'm thinking about having a quiet word with my neighbour and asking her to remind her d that she's twice the age/not very nice etc but I am worried that it will rebound back on my dd at school or might get worse? On one level if my dd had a 10 years old sister its no worse than what they would say to each other (speaking from experience here) - given this am I over reacting and being too protective. A family member did suggest that it will toughen her up but then he lives in a really rough area.
I'm not asking the 10 year old to be friends with my dd but am I asking the impossible for her not to be rude and horrid?

Ooh, we had this a few years ago with a neighbours child being horrible to ds1 and taking the mickey out of him with his friends. Not sure whether it was the right thing to do, but I called them over when I saw them doing it and pointed out that it was a really horrible thing to do and how would they feel if I laughed at them. They looked very sheepish and we never heard any more from them Yes, older siblings say things but I think this is rather different in the context of a family relationship and presumably you would say something if the older child was yours?

I did say something to the girl and her friend last year - I reminded them that my dd was only 4 and she wasn't the same age as them. I get the feeling that it won't be as effective this year. When I do hear my dd say something to younger children I always tell her off and remind her that she used to do these things.

last night the girl next door invited my dd over to play but i said no - next thing I hear is her saying I never liked you anyway. Its all so childish I worry that I'm making too much of a little thing cos my dd would have played with an older girl in a flash.

could you not maybe ask the girl to come over to your garden, that way you can keep a eye on the pair of them and have a quiet word if anything was said, its a shame they cant get on if they have to live next door to each other, maybe you could ask the girl in a nice way if she looks out for your daughter at school and makes sure no one is being nasty to her, perhaps if she thought of herself as a sort of oldersister/ rolemodel type for your dd her attitude might change.

having said that you do get some kids that are just total little brats who dont care about other people, maybe you are unlucky enough to live next door to one of them.

I did try that last year but the effect didn't last long. The role model thing is a good idea and I was really pleased to find out at the start of the school year that she was chosen to take part in a playground friend scheme which the school set up to combat bullying. So ironic playground friend is the problem!