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Have we handled this correctly? More problems with ds's mother

24 replies

Galaxy · 20/07/2004 21:47

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katzguk · 20/07/2004 21:53

hmmmmmmm

i think i might be for the best to let it drop, either could be lying and pressing the matter is only going to upset DS.

Lisa78 · 20/07/2004 21:58

I agree Galaxy, leave it alone. The main thing is that DS feels you believe him - whether you do or not - so that he feels secure.
Could he have said it because he is feeling insecure about living with you? to test the water? Has he got some idea that you don't want him there? Sorry if I am way off, don't know the history

lou33 · 20/07/2004 22:01

Sounds like you handled it really well Galaxy, I would be inclined to leave it at that. Well done.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Galaxy · 20/07/2004 22:03

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Galaxy · 20/07/2004 22:11

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Galaxy · 20/07/2004 22:11

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lou33 · 20/07/2004 22:24

Ooh ok

I feel v popular atm!

Twinkie · 21/07/2004 14:22

Doyou think he just wants some extra attention??

Kids oftenare peceptive and pick things that will start a row to get any kind of attention - maybe it ishis little cry inthe dark.

(Tell him he can come and live with me if he wants to though

Galaxy · 21/07/2004 14:37

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SofiaAmes · 22/07/2004 00:34

I think he's probably just testing how far he can go in playing his mum and you and his dad off against each other. My step kids did this for a while and I just ignored it and it went away. They would come to me and say things like "my mum says that the washing powder you use give me a rash." Sometimes it was probably something the mother (who is very evil) did say and sometimes it was just something that they had made up. I would just answer something like "oh, that's too bad, why don't you get her to send down some of the one that she uses and I'll use that instead." I would never give it credence by checking with her whether or not she had said it as either she had and it was a dumb thing to say and my telling her that would just get her even more riled up, or she hadn't said it and then she'd get riled up that I would have thought that she had.

I think that all kids (even the good ones) do a little lying at some stage. It's part of the pushing boundaries that happens as they grow up. Don't encourage it, but don't blow it out of proportion either unless it's about something serious.
Also, I think that your son may also be trying to ingratiate himself with his mother by telling her mean things about you and your dh. My stepkids do a lot of this to their mother because she encourages it. I think it's unhealthy and evil, but no amount of my telling her so will ever change her behavior, so I don't say anything just do the right thing when they are in my home.

Galaxy · 31/07/2004 22:29

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Hulababy · 01/08/2004 21:02

So sorry Galaxy; sounds like you are all having a hard time now. Your poor DS!

Tommy · 01/08/2004 21:36

Sounds a bit like the situation my brother is in with his exP. His son lives with him (always has)and every so often his Mum says stuff like this and it's really upsetting to all concerned. Fortunately my nephew is now old enough to realise that sometimes his Mum doesn't always tell the truth (which is hard for him as well). Galaxy - it sounds like you're doing such a great job - hang in there and FWIW I would just let it go and make sure your DS knows he is loved and cared fo at home

mummytosteven · 01/08/2004 21:46

Galaxy, what an upsetting situation for you all. Even under the best of circumstances a new baby in the family would result in DS being pushed aside and being given less attention. DS will, I think, need a lot of care and support in the coming months. Sorry not got any better advice/suggestions than the blatantly obvious.

Piffleoffagus · 01/08/2004 21:52

glaxy I will email you, let's get our lads together soon during the hols, they would really have so much in common, I am so sure ds feels pushed out cos of dd and thats why the whole living with exp has come up...
Subject has lasi dormant for a while with exp but will rise again very soon, ds is busy this week between 10 and 4 in Farnham of all places!
What say you?
Will mail you soonies!

Galaxy · 01/08/2004 21:55

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WideWebWitch · 01/08/2004 22:14

Sounds like you're doing a great job Galaxy, I'm coming to this late but just wanted to say poor love, I really feel for him and you sound like you're doing a great job.

Galaxy · 01/08/2004 22:19

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Piffleoffagus · 02/08/2004 09:22

we're about to move house in the next 2-3 weeks, fingers crossed, will keep in touch, must be able to swing something soon!!!
Take care xx

Galaxy · 03/08/2004 21:54

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zubb · 03/08/2004 22:36

Oh Galaxy, your poor ds. Not sure where you go from here, but he will need lots of love and reassurance for awhile.

I had a similar relationship with my Dad when I was younger, and I think I used to 'test' my Mum alot to check that she would still love me, and would always be there. Your ds may do something similar (I hope not) and he may be difficult for a while. It is such a shock when you realise that one of your parents really isn't that interested in you, especially if you've been trying to deny it. For your ds to go from being told that he could move in there to this is horrible for him.

Wish there was somehting that I could suggest.

{{{Hugs{}}}}

Galaxy · 04/08/2004 20:31

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zubb · 04/08/2004 20:47

How was he when your dd was born? Did he want to be involved at all?

He seems to have quite a realistic view of his Mum, so maybe things will turn out OK. But I agree with you that she doesn't sound like shes got a clue about why he might be upset and confused.

I hope his meal with her goes OK, and he can talk to her about the way he feels.

Galaxy · 05/08/2004 20:42

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