Dh and I differ parenting styles, gentle parenting

[Thislittlestar]

Before dd was born, Dh and I agreed on a 'gentle parenting' style as a family. I am trained in childcare and very passionate about this, and Dh liked the ideas behind it and was happy for us to do this.

Dd is now 1 1/2, and I often feel as though Dh deals with more challenging behaviour very differently to me. Dd is a pretty easy toddler, and the way I deal with things (I'm a sahm) work very well for dd. She is a lovely little girl, and people often say what a credit she is to us. Children are all so unique - so I don't believe that there is any one right way to do things - but gentle parenting really works well for our dd.

Dh is genuinely a fantastic dad, but in those more challenging moments I just don't feel we are on the same page. He will often get right in her face and raise his voice to her, when I believe there was a gentler, more respectful way to deal with things. Does anyone please have any advice? Thank you.

I don't know... I would hate it if my DP did that and I wouldn't be able to tolerate it.

I also think that "no" needs to be used sparingly, and I tend to use other phrases for redirection. She's really not misbehaving or being naughty at that age, so raised voices is just unnecessary.

...I must admit though, that reading through my posts does make me sound a little controlling of Dh which certainly isn't the reality - we actually have a pretty unusually traditional marriage if anything! But yes, some of my posts do read a little like that which I apologise for.

I have a friend who is in similar situation. She doesn't call her style gentle parenting but that's basically what she does, and her OH is more strict, and he will raise his voice (not often but he does) when his children misbehave - and all children do and will misbehave, no matter how many gentle conversations we have with them - must come to terms with this (they are 12 and 15 now, but this has always been the case). The difference was that my friend never actually criticised this because she knew he would never really hurt them, he was just parenting in his own way (which is also fine, btw, there are many parenting styles and no last word yet on which one is the perfect one). His firm authority actually comes in handy now the children are teens, there is no nonsense and they are perfectly happy, sociable and thriving children. I think you should not let your child notice that you disapprove of her father's parenting style (again, unless she is in danger of harm, which doesn't seem to be the case). That would be the greater harm. If you want to talk about it with your DH, wait until you're alone with him.

I’m in a very similar situation. 3yo DS1 and 18mo DS2. Gentle parenting. DH on board in spirit but struggles not to fall back on known techniques he was raised with (time out, shouting etc.). We took a class that was a mix of Faber & Mazlish, Gordon and Siegel thrown in. It helped. Accepting he could sometimes not do things my way also helped (but it’s MEGA hard). Telling him it was ok not to be amazing all the time but to say it / say sorry to the kids, also ok, helped a lot.

Shouting in a baby's face really isn't a parenting style.