How many times do I have to tell dd to do things?????? Long, sorry.

[bramblina]

Blowing a gasket. Dd (9) has 1 piece of homework to do by Tues and a presentation by December. She knows she needs a shower tonight. She knows to pack a few bits for a weekend away straight after school tomorrow. I have told her these things individually so haven't bombarded her with it. She attempted to dohomework but then stopped and put a dvd on. I told her to turn it off there's too much to do. She disappeared to her bedroom. Dinner came, had to shout her twice. At the end of dinner she was not using her table manners so I asked her to. She ignored me and did it again so I took the fork off her. She dropped food and snarled "oh well done" at me so I slammed my drink on the table which spilled and sent her away from the table. Mil had just arrived- great. 5 mins later she is back watching the dvd. Homework lay on floor at front door. I get cross and reminded her of the things she had to do and told her to cone down and clear the kitchen table and food she dropped. She did although left the tea towel on the table, retreated to her bedroom and sat on the floor playing her violin. I had to go up again and tell her everything that is still to be done and she just looks at me blankly like she doesn't give a damn.
Meanwhile dh (12) was shouted on 3 times for his dinner and still didn't come down until we had all finished. I asked him why he thought it was ok to arrive when it suited him and he said you were shouting at dd why would I want to? I told him to leave the room. Last night I shouted him twice for dinner and he arrived as we were half way through, I'd said I wasn't shouting him again so didn't. But I'm not sure that it's any more acceptable to just saunter down when he's ready. DS2 (4) set the table tonight.
I have to shout the older 2 kids 3 times on a morning just to wake them. I'm fucking sick of it. Fucking sick.

Wtf do I do???? Where am I going so bloody wrong????

So what happens if you stop nagging them and shouting at them? Homework won't be done on time and they will feel embarrassed in class. They don't wake up on time in the morning and will be late for school, it will be their fault. Give them an alarm, if they still ignore it, tough luck. They won't show up at the dinner table on time, they can't eat later. They are big enough to take responsibility for these things and to understand that everything has a consequence.

So much shouting...

Oh man, feel for you.

Glass of wine and switch off tonight. Nothing is going to change overnight.

You need to let them learn from their mistakes. If DS doesn’t come down when called - dinner will be cleared from the table at 7.30 sharp, end of. No snacking allowed. This happens 3 or 4 times when he knows you mean it, it won’t happen again.

DD - bag not packed for weekend, she suffers the consequence. Will have to grab when she can before school (because you will be leaving the house on time and not waiting for her), she will have to wear dirty school uniform. Will only need to happen twice.

DVD - tell her once, twice to switch it off. Thereafter, you take it away.

Homework is the one thing you should save your powder for. Nag if you have to, while also working on your “do you really want embarrassingly shitty marks??” line.

They don’t listen because they know they don’t have to. There will be no consequences for them. Give them unpleasant consequences and they will listen.

Having said that, it’s coming to December and a lot of kids are tired. Cut a little more slack at the weekends - school nights stay the same.

Yes it looks as if I shout all the time. Their bedrooms are upstairs along the hall so it's just calling them for dinner. Yes I shouted once I'd got cross but not in the beginning.

I would sit them both down and gently, politely tell them that you’re aware you’re shouting a lot and you don’t like it. From now on you’re not going to. You’ll call up the stairs to say it’s dinner but if you don’t hear it, you’ll not shout again. If they don’t arrive in 5 mins, dinner gets covered and out in the fridge. No shouting on homework or anything else. As the poster upstairs said, if they get into trouble, that’s what happens. It’s all a good lesson in consequences. Stay chilled and smiling as you say it. Gentle and kind do they have no reason to moan. Good luck. X

Sympathy. I have similar issues with my 7 and 9 yo dcs. Also have a 3yo.

We are having a bit of a crackdown atm on doing what they are asked and setting up a proper routine where they must do all the 'jobs' after school before they are allowed on screens/off to play etc. By jobs I mean tidy away shoes, coats, bags, empty lunchboxes, wash hands, snack, homework at the table/music practice, quick tidy of their rooms - then free time. We are just not getting things done otherwise, forgetting to practise spellings, complete reading records, massive tantrums about being asked to tidy up or practise music etc.

Re dinner if they didn't come when called I would tell them if they didn't they wouldn't be allowed back on screens afterwards. It's rude.

That said, I've had a totally horrible start to the evening with massive tantrums from DD including her throwing her reading record across the room and in so doing hitting me in the face with it. ds argued about every tiny little thing he was asked to do. I have shouted tonight. I hate the sound of it.

I am hoping that once we establish a stricter routine they will just get on with it. We've also said receipt of pocket money is in part conditional on them fulfilling their responsibilities in the family (basically clearing up after themselves and doing what they are asked without answering back, no bad attitude). Mine are a bit younger than yours though and not into teens yet.

Thank you.

I just want to cry.

Ds is sobbing his heart out because he wants to stay with friends this weekend but I'm making him come with us as a punishment. It is sooooo bloody hard to follow it through. So hard. Dh is away.

I can't give in or he'll never learn. Isn't that right?