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Original poster

Reliant on dummy

14 replies

sthitch · 15/11/2017 22:41

LO is 9 weeks old, I was always dead set against using a dummy but within about 2 weeks the crying got too much and we gave her one.

I’m now regretting it and trying to wean her off as much as I can as I feel I’m too reliant on it. She has managed to find her fingers but they tend to frustrate her more and more as they aren’t as good as the dummy!

From reading websites they recommend to take it away by 6-12 months but after 3 months it’s harder as they will remember it more - this is why I want to do it now.

She just can’t seem to settle for sleeps without it, her little heart breaks and we don’t want to hear her getting upset so after a good half an hour to an hour we will let her have it.

She wakes up in the night and needs it to settle... also if we’re at baby groups and she’s a bit tired she wants it. I just wish I didn’t have to rely on it so much- I haven’t helped myself (using it during phone calls to get 10 mins quiet time to be able to speak etc) and would really like to go without.

Any tips? I know people will say don’t stop but I’m worried it’s going to be harder the longer we leave it.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Ivehadtonamechangeforthis · 15/11/2017 23:38

Your LO is still SO young I really wouldn't worry so much about it.

Dummies are a comfort for many many babies.

I have two LO's, aged one and two and both of mine use dummies. Just like you I wish they didn't rely on them so much BUT they are a comfort to them.

I was so worried about my two year still using a dummy that I asked my HV at her 27 month review and her advice to me was not to worry about it at the moment, restrict its use to just naps and bedtime and try to get rid of it by the age of three.

Changerofname987654321 · 16/11/2017 08:48

Don’t worry about it. Sucking is a huge comfort to new baby in a scary world and is a natural behaviour for a baby. Dummies also slightly reduce the risks of SIDS. It is much easier to remove a dummy later than stop a thumb sucker.

Ivehadtonamechangeforthis · 16/11/2017 17:25

So glad Change mentioned the SIDS aspect, I had forgotten about that.

I was told by midwife, HV and a nurse there is some evidence that a dummy may help reduce the risk of SIDS. Midwife said they think it's because the sucking which continues in their sleep keeps their airways open.

I don't know how you feel about thumb sucking but I have two friends who refused to give their babies a dummy and really frowned upon using a dummy. Well, one now has a child who is a thumb sucker and the other child sucks three of her fingers all the time. At least a dummy you can eventually leave out for the dummy fairy to collect and leave a gift in return (when the time comes) :)

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Redken24 · 16/11/2017 17:28

I was the same as you in the beginning but you know what, who cares!
Take it out for photos, have it in for sleeping/comfort etc it won't be long til it's not the main focus (toys etc)

fruityb · 16/11/2017 17:31

I was very anti dummy... then I had a baby and am a total convert. Ds is one and a bit and has his when he goes to bed. It settles him and he goes back to sleep at night if he wake when he finds it (I leave spares in his cot.)

It can go when he’s old enough to have a chat about it. Otherwise I have no problem. He has it to sleep and isn’t fussed any other time. That’s fine with me! Restrict their time for use if you like but your baby is so little it’s not worth worrying about. Ds had his less and less as he got bigger and isn’t fussed unless it’s bed time.

Original poster

sthitch · 16/11/2017 19:22

Thanks all, you have made me feel a lot better and I will continue to use it but limit the use.

OP posts:

FatRedCrayon · 16/11/2017 19:29

Agree with fruityb my experience has been very similar!

Dummies provoke such hand wringing. If your child takes comfort from it, why would you take comfort away? I’d rather have a happy, dummy sucking child than a crying one. I say this as someone who’s gone through all the hand wringing myself!

turquoise88 · 16/11/2017 19:33

Dummies also slightly reduce the risks of SIDS.

Please, please be careful with sweeping statements. This is a generalisation that really annoys me.

Babies who have a dummy removed when they are used to having them as a form of comfort from birth/very young are a a slightly increased risk if that dummy is taken away before 6 months.

A child who has never had a dummy is at no increased risk of SIDS.

I just feel it gives the impression that parents who don’t give dummies to their babies aren’t as bothered about SIDS.

Redken24 · 16/11/2017 20:56

I think people should not be so concerned about dummies (even though. Hands up I was before I had a baby) I hate photos of my dd with a dummy in her mouth as it hides a lovely smile. Try not to worry OP as a dummy really helped us when she had colic , just keep on doing what you doing

ODog · 16/11/2017 22:35

Don’t worry. Let her have it. Dummies are great. As long as it’s not still permentantly in her mouth once she’s talking then you’ll be fine. Someone once gave me a rough guide of unrestricted access for 6m. Car/sleep/poorly/witching hour 6-12m. Sleep/poorly only from 12m. Very rough guide obviously and they are set in stone rules buts it’s worked for my 2 dummy addicts. DS have his up at 2.5. Car few tears, no teeth or speech issues. DD still has hers at 18m but is not as bothered by it as DS and no speech or teeth issues so far.

Justbookedasummmerholiday · 16/11/2017 22:38

Why limit? If it works why? Nobody sends a dc to school with one!!

MonChoufleur123 · 17/11/2017 13:51

I agree your LO is probably too little at the moment to try taking it away - and it really helps you get some sleep!! Ours is 13 weeks and has a dummy for car rides, the cot at night and in the sling when needed (eg crying /unsettled). However he's recently found his fingers and begun suckimg them instead - he actually prefers them I think. So your LO might transition on her own when a bit older anyway. I wouldn't worry about it at this stage, just get through the first 12 weeks making life as easy as possible for yourselves. X

Courgettekatie · 17/11/2017 13:57

I also didn’t think I’d use a dummy but became a convert. I was strict with myself that they were for sleeping only and they stayed on a shelf above the cot. ( or we’re given if I wanted baby to sleep in prom or car but no other time. If I wanted them to be awake but they were grumpy then I just had to put up with it. This did make putting to bed so easy though because they were tired and then got the comforter that meant sleep.

Changerofname987654321 · 17/11/2017 14:14

Babies who have a dummy removed when they are used to having them as a form of comfort from birth/very young are a a slightly increased risk if that dummy is taken away before 6 months.

I have ready lots of studies into dummies (over anxious first time Mum) and I did not come across this one. Do you have a link please?

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