3year old won’t feed herself

[WishUponAStar88]

My (recently turned) 3 year old refuses to feed herself 90% of the time unless sandwiches/ toast etc and it’s driving me up the wall! She used to but gradually it’s become more and more a battle at meal times. Not fussiness in terms of the actual food as she’s the same whatever the food is and just doesn’t want to eat herself.

Yesterday I gave up and told her she either feeds herself or didn’t eat as she’s too big to be spoon fed. She ate no breakfast, a normal lunch (sandwich/ salad/ fruit) and the tiniest amount of tea. This morning I spoon fed her cereal again as she wasn’t going to eat anything and worried about her not eating yesterday but should I just ride it out and let her get hungry?

Fwiw meals are all eaten at the table - breakfast/ lunch as a family, dinner generally just with baby brother as dh doesn’t finish work until later so I eat with him later. She chooses the cereals she wants from the shops (from a limited choice!) but still won’t eat them without a battle aaargh! She’s tallish for age and slim, a centile or 2 lower on weight than height but in itself not worrying as most of the family are tall any skinny.

Has anyone been through the same? Any advice?

Does she go to a nursery or preschool? Or spend any days with relatives? If there's someone you trust, see if she will feed herself there independently. One of my sisters had a child like this and the little monkey would quite happily spoon feed herself at grandmas house, so it was clear it was about attention and habit. However if she can't do it anywhere else either then maybe see if the health visitor or SENCo at nursery/preschool can take a look at her fine motor skills? It may be she's finding the spoon/fork too hard work, and in that case there are lots of games and activities out there you could do to strengthen up her hand and arm.

No she’s never choked etc. She can physically do it and will for her yogurt she just refuses. I gave her fish fingers last night which are her favourite just an she’d eat something and she ate them but left everything else on the plate. She was up at midnight crying that she was hungry

Just so she’d eat something

Can you eat with her and make meal times about being together and being grown up? Be good natured and happy and just chat to her and eat your dinner, and she can either eat hers or not. Distract her from the battle by being cheery and not focussing on it. She will soon find it more fun to be having tea together than arguing and forget not to feed herself.

I eat with her about half the time depending on husband’s work. She’s happy and chatty throughout, she’s not upset at the thought of eating just says no and then talks non stop to avoid eating.

Hi there, how did this resolve? My 3yr old is the same anx it drives me up the wall. She is very skinny and we worry about her weight. I like to hear what happened with your daughter. Thanks