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anyone know anything about surrogacy - could you help me? long sorry

7 replies

lmc48 · 16/04/2007 15:21

hi all, im new to this forum, but would be grateful if anyone can help. i have a little boy who is 18 months, i had an horrific pregnancy/birth. emergency c-section which took over 3 hours to complete, haemorraging losing 6.5 pints of blood,felt everything with c-section as spinal had worn off.in intestive care for 2days.now tho i am desperate for another child, yet i cant imagine me going thru all that again, and possibly dying as i very nearly did with my son it was that touch n go. the thought of leaving my hubby and son behind terrifies me, but i dont want to leave my boy an only child.we are now looking at other options, would i be able to have a surrogate mother even tho i can still carry a baby myself? we are thinking about a host surrogate, does anyone know if this could be an option for me?how can i find out the fees involved too

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
julia5 · 16/04/2007 17:59

Hi I can't offer any advice just for your birth experience and hope someone else might be able to help x

scorpio1 · 16/04/2007 18:26

www.surrogacyuk.org

HTH and good luck with whatever happens

Twiglett · 16/04/2007 18:30

have you had any PTSD counselling?

it sound a totally horrific time .. poor you

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Twiglett · 16/04/2007 18:31

birth trauma association

just in case you haven't seen them

good luck

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 16/04/2007 18:35

Hi, firstly am sorry to hear of what you went through in your first pregnancy, I can understand how that might put you off wanting to go through it all again. However I?m not sure whether surrogacy would really be the way to go, or whether you would even be successful in finding a surrogate who would be prepared to carry a baby for you under those circumstances.

Surrogates are women who selflessly want to have a baby for a woman who is unable to have a baby, and while you obviously have reasons for not wanting to be pregnant again, you?re not physically incapable of having another baby, and I think that it would be hard to find someone that would choose to have a baby for someone who didn?t want to go through pregnancy, over someone who, without their help, might never experience the joy of parenthood.

Also if you were looking for a host surrogate, i.e. someone who would carry your biological baby, you would still have to go through the process of treatment to retrieve your eggs so they could be implanted into the surrogate, and this procedure is invasive and the drug treatments to stimulate your ovaries are not without risk. Also IVF is expensive, upwards of £3000 a time and there are no guarantees that it will even work. It really isn?t as simple as finding someone else to have a baby for you because you don?t want to do it yourself.

Every pregnancy is different, and it?s unlikely you would have to go through the same experience as you did last time. Having had a section before you could elect to have one again so as to avoid the necessity for an emergency section, and this would take away a lot of the stress as you would be given a date/time for your procedure and it would be planned so no botched drugs/drawn out labour etc.

If you want another baby, are physically able to have another baby, then there are ways to go about doing that that will minimize the impact of another pregnancy on your life. If your fear of pregnancy/birth is really so great that you don?t feel you could go through it again, then you need to sit down and talk about whether you should perhaps just be content with having an only child, or whether you could maybe explore the possibility of adoption.

fireflyfairy2 · 16/04/2007 18:36

Oh how horrid for you

However not every birth is the same.

I can't imagine how much pain & sadness you must have went through, though it must have been a terrible terrible experience for you to consider surrogacy for another child.

Do you think it would help if you wrote your birth story? Put it all on paper so to speak? If you want you could write it down & see if it makes you feel better?

christywhisty · 16/04/2007 19:43

Can second that every birth is not the same.

My first birth was 7 weeks in hospital with pre eclampsia, 3 days of inducing, a 24 hour labour, failed ventuese ,then forceps in theatre ready for an emergency cs, quite a big blood loss after and lots of stitches.
Poor son was born with a black eye and very pointed head.

I did what Firefairy suggested and wrote it all down and it did help.

Next time couldn't have been more different. Just 4 hour labour with no pain relief, felt euphoric after the birth and was out of hospital for lunch time the next day.

Have you had councelling about your birth, I have heard it can help a lot after a traumatic birth.

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