I’m a terrible parent. I don’t want to do this anymore.

[JustWantToDisappear]

I’m a regular poster but name changed.

I’m a shit parent. I’ve let my children down so badly they’re going to be those asshole kids/teens/adults who have no respect and treat people like crap. I’ve made mistakes in my parenting and gotten it all wrong. My son threatened to punch me today to intimidate me and it worked. Although I tried to hide it. He gets in these moods and he just won’t be reasoned with. He is rude and arrogant and swears at me . All for a reaction. I try to ignore. I don’t know what to do. I feel like walking out of the house and disappearing. I’m so crap at this. I’ve raised a son who threatens violence on women to get his own way.

This is only what i would do, so please feel free to ignore.

You both need to know what the consequences of bad behaviour are before it happens. Dealing with bad behaviour should be a process you know so he knows what is coming and you know what you need to do.

Take a bit of time to calmly write down the behaviour he shows which is unacceptable to you. Think of sensible consequences to go along with these things. Then at a time when you are both calm, talk to him about it. Make it about finding a way for you both to be happier. I can guarantee that he is not sitting in the room feeling on top of the world.

Our DS is a bit younger but we have really found that having a discussion in a calm situation has massively helped.

Maybe try and spend a bit more time with him when things are calm? Give a positive base back to your relationship?

It is hard but you need to be clear and firm. If he is feeling insecure, strong boundaries and knowing that you are in control could actually be really reassuring for him.

I agree with pp about the PlayStation. If you take everything from him, he will feel he has nothing to lose.

Keep your chin up

Punish according to the crime. Taking his PlayStation doesn't fit this 'crime'

I know but what does? What is the logical consequence of having a bad temper/bad attitude? Other than me not wanting to be around him?

Or start with a clean slate. 'We are going to start afresh so you're not grounded and all privileges are restored but you and me need to establish our ground rules'

I feel like that would completely undermine me. He would see that as a “get off Scot free” thing and would think I was an easy touch.

Mooning about and crying isn't effective parenting. I don't mean that harshly.

I know, I feel pathetic for it. He didn’t see me crying though. I feel really shaken by what he did. I am so scared that I have created a thug or monster who beats people up!

Look up Hand in Hand parenting, it's a really different approach that works wonders. Totally changes family dynamics for the better.

Thanks, I will.

I would have stayed in his room with him and said 'We are leaving this room together'

Thank you, I wouldn’t have thought of that.

Take a bit of time to calmly write down the behaviour he shows which is unacceptable to you. Think of sensible consequences to go along with these things.

What sort of things would be the right consequences?

We do need to spend more time together but he is resistant to every suggestion. He seems to be losing interest in everything he once liked so I have nothing to join in with him on. And he Wont even come for a walk with me anymore.

I have teenagers so I know my suggestions when applied correctly can work. Sounds like you need more outside help to me. Why do you have to think so rigidly in terms of punishments and what you can take away? What you're doing clearly isn't working

I'll bow out now. Good luck