Night feeds - how do you balance between you?

[MotherOfBeagles]

So early days I know, but we are now on our 3rd night at home with our first baby and struggling to work out how to balance night feeds/wake ups between us.

Unfortunately dh does not have paternity leave as he is a contractor. But he is able to work from home. So he has a morning meeting at 8am on the phone and is then able to help out in bits through the day - but obviously still has quite a bit of computer work to do.

I’m on maternity leave but haven’t slept properly (no more than maybe an hour a day) since baby was born due to hormones and adrenaline. I’m also obviously very sore and a bit broken.

Anyway! Dh and I are trying to work out how to tackle the nights and wondered if you’d be willing to share what you did to give us some ideas?

We don’t! I do all the night feeds (breastfeeding, baby is 4 weeks old), DH sleeps in the spare room.
With our first, DH spent paternity leave and weekend nights in our bedroom, but this time around he’s been in the spare room since Day 1!
It works for us - DS is a pretty easy baby though, so doesn’t need a lot of burping or settling to go back to sleep.

When the babies were so small they were waking every few hours, we would split the night - normally DP would stay up until the baby fed somewhere around midnight, then he would come to bed and I would take over, hoping that I might be able to sleep 8-2/3, and he would sleep 1-8 or something like that.

If that's not possible because of his work, make sure he gives you a chance to sleep whenever he is around, and probably best to do one full night at the weekend with you sleeping in another room.

Basically, when you're at the stage that the baby is still waking every 2 hour or so, just ignore most possibilities of spending time as a couple and get some sleep! It will hopefully pass soon.

We started off taking half the night each, now there's only one night feed, we alternate that, and being the person to get up with her. The majority of nights we've both got at least 6 hours sleep, usually more like 7-8, albeit not in a single stretch.

If I'm working the next day, then depending on how stressy work is going to be, I may still do the night shift, or I may have the might off, and the same when he's working. If either of us do the whole night, we make sure there's opportunity for that person to have a nap at some stage or an early night the next night. We've a fairly decent sleeper, but splitting it, I feel like im virtually avoided sleep deprivation, so it's definitely worth splitting it if you can. And yes, to the person who says about having bottle stuff upstairs. It makes it much as it, and if you can feed your baby before they are really hungry and demanding it (ie quick in getting it sorted), it may help them go down easier afterwards.

I do the night feeds on weeknights and DH does weekends. I always try to help out on weekends too though. We do this as he has to get up at 5.30am every day. If I'm having a hard night and DD won't settle, I ask him to take her as it just gets frustrating doing it on your own.

I Bf so did all the feeds, but DH did most of the changing, burping, settling. I think that meant about a 50:50 split of time up in the night, but made it easier for us both to get a couple of hours between feeds.

We both did them. I had a c section so dh would pass her to me, I’d bf her while he dozed, then he’d settle her.

When dh was on pat leave or it was a weekend night we would both get up, he would do changing, winding, get me a cuppa and a snack. I would feed (breasted feeding) if he had to work the following day I would let him sleep and do it all on my own.

I used to feed them about 8ish then go to bed. DH would feed them next (11? midnight? - never that fixed) then go to bed. I'd get up for the 2.30 / 3am slot, having had potentially about 6 hours sleep, then dh would do the 6am/6.30ish slot leaving me to sleep until 9ish, so we'd both get good 5 - 6 hour chunks of sleep at a time. (well, with younger 2, first one would be up for hours in the night).
Once they got older, we'd take turns - 1 was 'on duty' one night and one the next night.
However, you need to work out what works for you. Some people cope better than others with lack of sleep. If your dh is driving a lot for work, that is an issue with lack of sleep. Some babies feed and go back to sleep, others yes I'm looking at you ds though it was playtime then. Some sleep more in the day. Some cry A LOT in the day. Some are more placid, and let you get on with things a bit, in the day. Some new Mums have other people around to support them in the day (a Grandma maybe) , but others are quite isolated.

Oh, and just when you get into a pattern, the baby will have a growth spurt and al will change.

I agree that it varies on the baby as well. Mine does go straight back to sleep after a feed (quick wind but that's it), and we don't change nappy at night as she never poos before 7am. So it would be pointless one person feeding and the other burping her, as combined they only take 15-20 mins. But if your baby requires a lot of settling after, then that sort of split can work. Also remember that things change pretty rapidly, so be ready to adapt what you do over time.