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Parenting

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Original poster

Opinions please

20 replies

NuttyMuffins · 15/04/2007 14:01

Kids just asked if they could have an ice lolly each, I said yes and looked in freezer and there were 3 orange and 1 rasberry.

They all immeidatly started saying they wanted rasberry and arguing. To solve the problem I said I would have the rasberry and they all had orange so they would all have the same.

DS and DD2 accepted this and started to eat theirs.

Dd1 said she didn't want orange she wanted rasberry. I said no because it wasn't fair, she had orange or nothing.
Shse starts mouthing off and saying I am having rasberry. So i said look it's orange or nothing, if you you say no again it goes back in the freezer and you have nothing.

So she's continues to say no i want rasberry and so it went back in freezer.
She has now said she wants the orange one but i have said no. She started mouting off again so I have sent her to her room.

She is now shouting I WANT AN ICE LOLLY at the top of her voice.

Opinions please, before I kill her.

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Trinityrhino · 15/04/2007 14:03

ride it out, ignore her, you have done the right thing.

can you go somewhere where you cant hear her?

singingmum · 15/04/2007 14:03

stick to your choice.If you give in on this she will think you will give in on other things

Original poster

NuttyMuffins · 15/04/2007 14:05

I feel so mean though, but she is always doing this, being stubborn because she thinks it will get her her own way and then when it backfires she backs down by which time it's too late.

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Bucketsofdynomite · 15/04/2007 14:06

Once she's calmed down a bit (and you've finished the raspberry one) give her the chance to earn the orange lolly back. Doing something kind for you or just being silent for 1minute (using a timer.)

DimpledThighs · 15/04/2007 14:06

leave to shout it out. You did EXACLTY what I would have done - you need to not give her an ice lolly and demonstrate that this disruptive behviuor gets her nowhere.

I would even be tempted to throw the raspberry one down the sink if she carries on and tell her that she will not be getting an ice lolly next time as well unless she calms herself down.

DimpledThighs · 15/04/2007 14:07

TBH I would not give her the chance to earn the ice lolly back.

whoopsfallenoveragain · 15/04/2007 14:07

I know you feel mean but you need to stick with what you are saying.

Original poster

NuttyMuffins · 15/04/2007 14:07

I have eaten the rasberry one

She is 9 by the way incase anyone is wondering if she was a tantruming toddler.

She is still shouting I WANT AN ICE LOLLY or GIVE ME AN ICELOL.

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zippitippitoes · 15/04/2007 14:08

oh i think you have done the making a rule which is causing you grief thing

if you had said I'm putting it back in the freezer it is there fr when you calm down then you would have still won but had an escape clause

how to get back from the escalation is a problem

I would say be quiet and when you feel like joining us we will have a chat about you having the lolly

when she appears say would yoy like the orange lolly

if she says yes please

then say right now you've calmed down you can have it and next time don't be silly

Freckle · 15/04/2007 14:09

This sounds just like DS2. He is so determined to get his own way, he often ends up with a punishment rather than what he wanted simply because he refuses to accept my decision. He usually realises what he's done later and apologises, but that doesn't mean to say that he will get what was originally on offer.

Stick to your guns. She will learn eventually even though it's a tough lesson.

Original poster

NuttyMuffins · 15/04/2007 14:11

But zippi I did fully explain to her what would heppen if she kept refusing the orange ice lolly, and also told her that once it went back in the freezer it was the point of no return.

She is still shouting and stamping her feet. I am ignoring her.

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Original poster

NuttyMuffins · 15/04/2007 14:11

I know for a fact that she will not apologise, she never does.

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DimpledThighs · 15/04/2007 14:13

I think you are doing the right thing - don't rise to it and say anything more - just leave her to calm herself down and then act as normal but no lolly.

As I said before this is what I would have done in this situation and you are handling it really well.

Original poster

NuttyMuffins · 15/04/2007 14:14

Good, thanks

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Freckle · 15/04/2007 14:14

Eat the orange lolly as well and then you can't be tempted to give in .

whoopsfallenoveragain · 15/04/2007 14:16

Freckle that's the sort of thing I'd do

PregnantGrrrl · 15/04/2007 14:48

she's too old to behave like that over a lolly. eat em both and tell her that's what happens when you cheek off your mother!

Original poster

NuttyMuffins · 15/04/2007 15:58

Just to update.....she eventually shut up about the ice lolly and came back outside.

She asked me if she would be able to have the lolly after tea and I said no, but she didn't say anything.

Anyway, have just been out and given them all some chopped up melon which put a smile back on her face.

OP posts:

giddyfeet · 15/04/2007 16:07

You did the right thing. If you gave in she would think losing her temper will get what she wants - and that would only lead to much bigger problems when she is an adult participating in society.

And in giving the melon you showed that defined where she was going wrong (creating about the ice lolly) so that will work in your favour too.

NB the raspberry is tastier than orange!

DimpledThighs · 15/04/2007 16:29

you did great -exactly how I attempt to act - although I have been know to give in to whinging

Although it was hard to stick it out it will make life easier as she learns to listen to you.

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