Over reaction or Out of order ?

[MiaD13]

I need help gauging something that happened recently as I've no idea how to handle it

I'm a 20 year old new mum to a beautiful 2 month old boy who I love to bits. Me and my boyfriend are a strong unit with lots of support. I have unfortunately had a lot of mental health issues since having my little boy and as I care for him 24/7 my mum or DPs Dad sometimes offer to take him once a week maximum.

This week my stepmother made a comment (my son was away because we are moving house so I was getting time to pack etc without having to worry about him)
that my son is never effing home. It was very out of the blue and caught me off guard - she then went into a full blown rant about how
"You wanted him he should be with you" and how
"I'm not going to bond with him"

She told me she managed fine (she was 36 when she had her first) and that I need to sort myself out because it's ridiculous how much he gets "shipped about"

I also am away for a weekend in January when my boy will be 5months and she also referred to this

I burst into tears and haven't spoke to her since. I feel horrible and just don't know if she's right or if I should just never let my son away with other people :(
Just don't want to be a bad mum - help?

She's a twat.

Thanks haggisfish
Just been playing on my mind and dunno how to approach it as her and my dad now want to "have a chat" with me and DP about how we parent him

why does your dad want to have a Chat? this is on her instigation probably?
they should be supportive not judgmental

Hesterton

That's what my boyfriend is saying to it as well

Slarty

Because they are "concerned" apparently

he is only 2 months? it is early days.

She sounds like the kind of person who thinks she’s right about everything. She doesn’t like your parenting methods (which sound absolutely fine, by the way) because they are different from hers.

Say no to the chat. Keep saying ‘I’m happy with my parenting methods thanks’. Could you maybe talk to your dad and say you’re managing fine and don’t want the chat?

if your mum wants to have him once a week it is good for all concerned.

My boyfriend wants to talk to them because he wants to explain why we are doing why we are doing
My biological mum (as opposed to my step mum) doesn't think we should explain ourselves at all

My brains scrambled as it is and this has honestly made me feel 10 times worse

She is a twat. My DD was “shipped about” because I was diagnosed with cancer when she was 2 months old. She is now 4 and we have a very strong bond.
Don’t worry about it.

are you getting help with your mental health issues?

Please don't explain anything to them.How you parent your ds is your business.
Sounds like you have everything under control.

Wee Barra
Thank you that's reassuring and I hope your health has improved

Slarty

Yeah I'm speaking to a mental health person :)

It’s a strength to know when you need suppport and accept it on your own terms, your mum helping out sounds like it works for you. You also have a right to say what support you don’t find helpful and the ‘chat’ sounds like it would undermine your confidence and be unhelpful so I’d say no too.

Don't bloody explain yourself to anyone. Your stepmother is a first class bitch and needs to keep her vile opinions to herself

As long as you’re not asking them to look after him, it’s none of their business and you’re under no obligation to explain yourself to them.

You’re doing great and the only way going to stay at his grandparents once a week is going to affect him as that he’ll have a close bond with them as well as you and your dp.

Don't bloody explain yourself to anyone. Your stepmother is a first class bitch and needs to keep her vile opinions to herself

Too bloody right! Once a week with your mum? My first born went to my mums every Friday from six weeks old and he's now 17 and we have a great bond. She's talking out of her arse and should keep her beak out.

You do not need to explain yourself to them. They are treating you like a child and I can’t see how they are helping your mental health.

You do not have to explain your parenting decisions to anyone. As long as everyone involved is happy with the arrangements then it’s no one else’s business. For what it’s worth my sister in law often looked after my dd and so did my mother in law from each on. (My own parents have passed away but they would have wanted to do this too). My little girl and I are very close but she also has a wonderfully close relationship with her auntie and grandparents. If your dad and stepmum don’t want to be part of that then that’s their lookout but your baby is not their baby so they don’t get a vote.

*early on

Stepmother should keep her nose out - its nothing to do with her. Your baby - you are entitled to leave him with your mum if you want to. She's just jealous by the sounds of it. Don't explain yourself to her or your dad.

Well what exactly does your step mother think is going to happen regarding your mental health?!

Just like when you have a physical illness, a mental illness doesn’t just disappear, in fact it tends to get a lot worse if you ignore it and force yourself to do more than you actually can.

Is this what she wants to happen?!

Honestly, she’s not being very caring or supportive is she?

If she or your dad do keep pushing the issue, I’d limit what you say and try not to get caught up in it too much.

Your mum has the baby for one day out of 7. You and your boyfriend look after your baby 24hrs a day apart from that. You are being a good mum. Your baby is well looked after, and well bonded to his mummy and daddy. And his grandma, which can only be a positive.

You are being a good mum by looking after your mental health by the way.

Thanks everyone for your responses I feel so much better

But where do I go from here ? Me and my dad are close and I'm hurt , is this forgivable? I'm scared it will be awkward I don't know what to do knowing they think I'm doing the wrong thing ,

Omg! Tell your Dad that there will be NO chat at all and to back right off.
This Stepmother sounds jealous to me that your Mother has the baby and your Dp Dad has him as well.
It is absolutely nothing to do with your Dad or "her" how you run your life.
Of course, if you've got good family to help you with the baby, it makes life easier and also the baby will bond with his family, which is a good thing.
I had my Dd's twin girls overnight, every Saturday night from them being about 6 weeks old, so that Dd and her Dp could still go out and have fun with their gang of mates. She was same age as you and I gave her loads of help.
Btw. Her Dp's Mother, tried to subtly bully my Dd every time they took the baby's to see her. I soon put her straight! Told her if she upset my daughter any more she was in danger of NEVER seeing her Gd's again. She soon changed her ways.
Think that you need your Mum to sort her ex and new wife out for you now. If not your Dp will have to have a quiet word with your Dad.
You carry on being the good Mum that you are and accept any help that you need. THAT IS NORMAL! Your Stepmum is being a bitch, don't it it happen.