How do I put my newborn to sleep?

[Ven83]

DS is almost 6 weeks and EBF. He suffers with silent reflux, trapped wind and I also suspect a floppy larynx.

Feeding him takes ages, he nurses for at least 45 minutes, often more than an hour, cluster feeds often. He wants to nurse basically whenever he’s awake. He’s putting on weight and has plenty of dirty, yellow poo nappies. My milk supply is good.

Because he takes so long to feed, and then it takes ages to burp him, he’s often awake for 3-4 hours at a time, sometimes more, and doesn’t get enough sleep overall.

When he falls asleep, it’s usually on the boob - if we’re lucky enough that he doesn’t get unsettled by the wind/reflux. I’ve managed to put him to sleep by rocking and singing only a handful of times, basically only after a few exhausting cycles of feeding-crying-winding etc.

He accepts a dummy (sometimes) but I’m not sure how it’s supposed to put him to sleep. He just sucks it for a few minutes, then spits it out and wants to be picked up, or if I’m holding him, starts squirming and pecking at me for the boob.

I would accept that feeding him is the only way to get him to sleep, except it often works only after several cycles of feeding-winding etc.

I feel overwhelmed and l’ve no idea what I’m doing. I can only stick him on the boob and hope for the best. I feel like I’m failing him, and I don’t deal well with such a chaotic life.

I forgot to say he hates the sling, so that’s not an option either.

He’s also on Omeprazole for the reflux and we’ve tried Infacol and gripe water for the wind.

I think you're doing a great job! The first few months are intense as hell. It's not failing him to not know what you're doing, that's pretty much the default setting on motherhood.

My baby had (a bit of) reflux so I would just end up feeding her to sleep and holding her upright for 20 minutes while she slept on my chest. Sometimes I got to transfer her to the moses basket thing and she carried on sleeping, sometimes not.

I used the dummy because she would feed herself sick. So, when I was sure she was full but still wanted to suck, I got the dummy out. It didn't send her to sleep but it kept her content for longer.

A particular way of winding babies was a game changer for me, it got all the bubbles out: you put the baby sitting sideways on your lap with their legs in between yours. You support their trunk and neck with your hands and gently, slowly move them like their body is a spoon that you are stirring.

Babies sometimes hate different types of sling and not others, if you can hook up with other sling using mums, see if you can have a borrow of different sorts. My baby liked the stretchy wrap the best even though it was a fiddle to get it on. (I had to keep moving though or she went ballistic!)

Good luck and you're going to be alright. It's a horrible phase but sooner than you think, his stomach valves will strengthen up and the reflux situation will be over.

For naps mine loved those self rocking baby swings, the swinging motion lulled them off nicely and the position would help with reflux. You can usually get second hand ones dirt cheap on local selling pages.

DS2 didn't have reflux or problems with wind but he was EBF, loved to be feeding and hated to be put down ever. He fed/slept on my lap downstairs till about 10pm in the evening then we co slept upstairs. During the day he slept on my lap, I just got comfy and watched box sets.
I don't think there's a right or wrong way, Just do what works for you. In the early days we had no real routine just lots of feeding. It does get easier. When he was about 4 months he would nap in a bouncy chair as long as I kept bouncing it with my foot the whole time.

Thanks for your kind words and suggestions. I have no issue with him sleeping on my lap, in fact it’s how he naps most of the time and I’m ok with that, as long as he naps. I’m just lost on how do I get him to nap enough - I have to feed him to sleep but it often takes hours and hours, and I’m worried about the effect of not enough sleep on him. He usually has about 2 naps during the day for about 2 hours each, also nods off several times while feeding but for maybe 10-15 minutes. He yawns and shows signs of tiredness but won’t really respond to my attempts to settle him.

He sleeps ok during the night, can go for 4 hour stretches (watch me jinx it now). But this is often after an evening of fussiness due to overtiredness. There are good days and bad, but it usually amounts to about 10-12 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period, sometimes less.

We have the vibrating swing chair, he can tolerate it for awhile and it’s useful when I have to put him down for a bit, it doesn’t get him sleepy though. Taking him out in the pram can get him to nod off for 15-20 minutes at a time, the rest of the time he just yells at me.

That burping video is great. I’ve been doing something similar, just without the rotation. It’s just not easy to do with a wriggling baby swatting at me, he also tends to get rigid. I find bouncing on the birth ball helpful in dislodging all those air bubbles but it takes a long time.