Help. SOS. Is anyone out there!

[littleandlost]

Hi everyone,

It's my first post on here but I just need to reach out to someone.

I have an 18 month old daughter and honestly, being a parent is so lonely. But I feel like I am the only person feeling this way.

I love her with all of my heart truly and I wouldn't change her for the world but why does no one tell you that you end up feeling so isolated?

All of my pre pregnancy friends have pretty much buggered off. I can't relate to anyone anymore. I have no interest in making friends with mums at play groups as I don't just wanna talk about kids and I highly doubt I have anything in common with anyone there. I've moved to a bigger house but out in the countryside so I just feel so remote. Partner is helpful but meh.

I don't feel fulfilled. I used to be so career driven but now I can't/don't want to take my rare alone time to work on a business. The days just drag and are so boring to me. Everything seems boring to me.

I don't think I'm depressed. Just bored. Can't comprehend life. Can't remember what I used to do for fun. Feel boring and dreary. I'm only 22. Feel like I'm doomed to be like this for the rest of my life.

I'm not sure what I want someone to say. I just needed to vent.

Thanks for listening.

Sorry you are so bored. It can be tedious and repetitive. Got 3 kids so definitely got the T-shirt.
I was lucky and found mums who wanted to do other things besides talk about kids. Although the kids came to, they weren't the main focus.
For me it was panto, playgroup committee , pta, wildlife walks, beach combing, walks and whole lot of serial parenting so we could do something different.
Good luck...

Sorry you’re feeling lonely, but it does sound like you could be more proactive about making new friends. Give playgroups a try - you might be surprised. Or get a dog so that you take it for walks and meet other dog walkers. What do you enjoy doing? Think about ways to follow your interests while bringing the baby with you.

Or would you consider putting her in childcare and going back to work properly? Some people aren’t suited to be a SAHP - there’s no shame in that.

Why don’t you think you’d have anything in common with ‘anyone there’? That’s a pretty sweeping statement. I’ve met a variety of different people at groups, some of whom I have absolutely nothing in common with and some who have become great friends. And the last thing we talk about is our children.
As a PP says, could you go back to work? If you don’t enjoy being a SAHM there’s no shame in it.
What were your hobbies pre children?

Women at toddler groups are just women you know. Just like you....had a baby and need to take it somewhere to run about whilst they get a cup of tea. Why do you imagine you would have nothing in common?

Quite frankly, if youre adamant you're not depressed , you need to pull your finger out, stop being so narrow minded and judgemental and get out there and learn how to be a mum.

I live in a small town and I can find a baby group to go to every morning and some afternoon too. I'm a police officer and gone back to the baby stage after 2 decades. Through the baby scene my friendship group now consists of a doctor, a surgeon, a lawyer, 3 teachers and a professional sportswoman. Believe it or not, sometimes we spend 10 seconds talking about something other than babies.

It is lonely. I'm 40 with a toddler and baby so although quite different, I can sympathise. Your statements about playgroups are quite chdish tbh. Theread are women with children there. Men too....... not a specific sort of person.

You will need to put a bit of effort in to making new friends. I have one from a baby group, we are very different but get on well. Others that I can stop and chat to if I see out shopping or at soft play. Otherwise, get childcare, go back to work.

I’m really sorry you feel this way you’ve had some harsh responses too. If you’re only 22 I can see why you might not feel at home with most parent groups which will probably skew older. But you won’t know til you’ve tried. If you met just one person you liked would be worth it.

Going back to work could be right for you but you don’t sound keen? Which makes me think not to rule out a touch of depression. Not taking pleasure in anything is a symptom.

In any case you’re right, being parent of a small child IS often lonely. You’re not alone. Hope you find your people soon.

Try taking up some exercise just for you. So when dh comrs in head out to the gym or for a run. It clears your head and makes you feel good about yourself and stronger. Its not easy to be along with a child all day. Could you grt a part time job or sign up to a course..any course..and put your little one in a creche for a few hours. Be open minded about mother groups as you only need to meet one like minded person not gangs of them. Take one step today to change things.

Thanks for your responses everyone.

I didn't mean any offence by the whole 'not having anything in common' aspect. I did just simply mean that when I have been to a child group before, everyone just looked really mean and bitchy and I don't know, it just put me off going again. Plus I have struggled with depression before my daughter, which was a lot worse than how I feel now, and now I do just find it hard having tedious conversations about pointless stuff. I think maybe I'm in denial about being depressed now. I think I am most definitely depressed but been too proud to admit it.

Sorry if I caused anyone any offence. Thanks for your responses anyway.

And sorry, in response to what other's have said about my pre child hobbies and exercise - exercise was always my outlet, the thing that kept me sane in life. But recently my family has been diagnosed with a fatal genetic heart condition which I am yet to be tested for so I can't actually do any exercise I like at the minute. I think that's another thing that's driving me mad.

Why is being a parent such a guilty game? I feel guilty for wanting to have a life outside being a parent. I feel guilty when I shut the bathroom door for 60 seconds to pee alone. I feel guilty when I let my daughter go to her grandparents for the day because I feel like I'm parring her off to someone else.

I should have mentioned also that I suffered severe post natal depression after her birth but I was almost certain it had gone until just saying this all now and really allowing myself to analyse the situation.

I just desperately don't want to be put on anti depressants or medication. I need to sort myself out haha! My daughter needs a healthy minded and bodied mother and I'm letting her down at the minute.

Thanks again everyone :(

I am really sorry if I offended anyone with the judgemental sounding comments. I'm not like that at all as a person. It just came off wrong.

I hope this post hasn’t ended up making you feel worse than you did before. I have a 6 month old and I really struggle on days that I don’t see other adults. It’s hard work to keep myself sane in that respect and while I don’t want to leave my baby to go back to work I have to admit part of me is looking forward to the adult conversation and stimulation.
I get what you’re saying about play groups, they can be quite daunting as well but I think the trick is to find the people you click with who for example want to meet for a glass of wine and let off steam (that was how I knew I could get on with people)
There’s also apps out there like mummy social where you can connect with local mums.
I’d try and find stuff you enjoy that you can either do with your daughter or when your partner is home and give a bit of structure to your week as it helps make the days pass more easily

Things I'd suggest in light of your further posts . Get a decent off road buggy and get out in the fresh air for walks. Woods/beach/parks whatever you have access to. It always makes me feel better. I can't do the exercise and hobby I did pre children, and like you they kept me sane .

Local leisure centres often have a gym put soft play type thing. Not a baby group but an activity for your daughter . Take the time off when she's at GPS . I get it, my eldest is at pil overnight and I'm missing him and feeling guilty but I NEED a break .

Go back to the drs, you nay be eligible for some counselling rather than anti depressants .

Try some more baby groups. A chat and coffee while your daughter plays can make a difference to your day . Thee are usually lots around .