Feel like failing as parents :( behavioural concerns?!

[user1495827045]

My son has been attending nursery, half day Monday, full day Tuesday, full day Thursday and half day friday, he was 3 in July, two weeks ago, when I collected him I was told he had refused to sit down during story time and refused to do anything staff had asked and had been shouting lots, I addressed this with him and my husband and I have been continuing to talk to him about right and wrong and listening and doing something when someone asks or stopping if someone says to stop etc, he had been fine until I got a phonecall Tuesday asking me to collect him as he had randomly gone to bite a child and when a staff member said no, he hit them and started screaming. My husband collected our son, and spoke with staff who described him as unpredictable and weren’t happy, they stated there had been no triggers for the biting. My son has taken a year to settle in as very clingy. We have now changed nursery as we hadn’t been happy at his existing one anyway and the latest incident made us wonder whether our son had been enjoying it. He had never ever bitten, at home he will sometimes shout or get upset if we say no but we will address this straight away and calm him down. I have ordered some children’s behavioural books to reinforce positive messages with him around listening and tantrums. I have also spoken with the HV who has arranged for a nursery nurse to visit us next week and observe our son at home to see if she can give any further tips. Am I unduly worried or should I be concerned as I feel like we are failing as parents, he always plays lovely with friends, I’m not sure what else we can do and whether we should be concerned whether there is something wrong?

Sounds normal behaviour to me. Kids bite other kids sometimes.

Kids do bite - it it's usually a reaction to something or someone

Maybe your son is struggling to articulate what happens prior to the biting incident or can't link the two events

Either way asking for help is the way forward, it may be a phase or maybe he was wound up or maybe he just fancied biting someone

The HV needs to observe in class as that's where the problem lies

Don't be panicked into thinking your son is now "that child" or a bad apple.

Ime children most often bite when they are overwhelmed by a situation – because they're frustrated, cross or scared - or when they're overstimulated and have seen the effect it will have, either from past experience or seeing others do it.

Seems to me you have responded quickly and getting advice is never a bad thing.

Hope your son settles in at his new nursery.

Sounds very normal.

He is really so small still. Many people say 3 can be a nightmare! For me, and I got flamed on one of my first threads years ago, tantrums are not a problem area but a developmental one - they are an expression of an emotion and the child is doing the only thing they know how to express it. Giving the message that they shouldn't tantrum is like telling an upset adult they shouldn't cry or be angry (I'm not suggesting you are saying to stop the tantrum). Obviously the biting is a big no and he needs to be physically stopped if possible- I had to helicopter my 2.5yo hitter at the time. Complete PITA but effective. But do not worry - is he perfectly behaved? No. Neither are any of us and he is only starting to learn in terms of his behaviour/boundaries/his impact on others. First thing I thought when I read about the nursery's communication was he's not happy.. for whatever reason, he's feeling the need to act up. A new place might make all the difference plus lots of quality one on one time with you/his dad. Ahaparenting and Janet lansbury are both good online/FB. Good luck.