Worried about parenting 2 children.

[Mustang27]

Expecting my second in a few weeks and I’m just terrified I’m going to fail both my children. My first will be 2yrs & 6mths he is a great wee boy smart and sweet but he is hard work, as toddlers are.

I don’t have a great deal of support in my partner I just can’t see how it’s all going to work especially if I manage to bf and still be able to meet the needs of my toddler.

What have you all done to make life easier. What worked? How do I manage my own expectations. Any advice on how to cope will be much appreciated.

I have roughly the same age gap. I was very anxious before DD was born, as I was finding it incredibly hard to even cope with DS at that stage.

Once she arrived we adjusted, though. I realised that part of the difficulty with DS was that I was so tired from being pregnant- as soon as DD arrived, that exhaustion cleared up! I'm tired now, but it's a totally different kind of tiredness and I can cope fine.

As others have said, lower your standards. Focus on keeping DCs fed, clean and rested, and the same for yourself. Bf can be a good way to snuggle up with DC1 on the sofa.

DC2 should sleep loads at first, so you'll have time with DC1. When they're awake more, sit them up and let them watch the older one play.

Once DC1 is in playgroup/nursery, you'll start to see light at the end of the tunnel!

I have the same age gap between mine and the youngest is 6 weeks now. I have found that I have had to lower my standards immensely haha!! And this started at least a month before my second was born as I had a tough pregnancy towards the end and just wasn't mobile. My daughter has watched more tv in the past 3 months than in her entire life prior to then, no exaggeration! She has also eaten more egg on toast type meals than ever, rather than 'proper' meals. But she is fine and as PPs have said, it won't be forever.

I would definitely ask for help from anyone you can. I know I should advise you to get out and about, go to toddler groups etc but I haven't done that yet.

I try to include my daughter in baby things if she shows interest but so far she hasn't been too bothered, she has got on with playing on her own (or watching tv!!) most of the time. She often climbs on me when I'm feeding the baby so I have found a way to make enough space on my lap for her while feeding, which is tricky but I would hate to have to make her stay away when she clearly wants a bit of attention.

To be honest I have found it hard as I don't feel I am doing a great job with either child, but I keep telling myself I am doing an adequate job and that will have to do for now....

Another one with the same age gap. I found my son struggled most whilst I was feeding, so developed a routine of reading him a story whilst I fed her, with him turning the pages. That way he got my attention and was less likely to start trying to hit her! It's much better now and I no longer have to do that.

As others have said, get out as often as you can. I'm deeply unsocial but find going to the park every day is a lifesaver. He plays with other kids and you don't have to talk to their parents unless you want to. And actually I tend to want to just for adult company.

Bedtime is hardest. My dh works evenings and doing it alone is tricky. Sometimes you just have to accept that someone is going to be crying whilst you are occupied doing something for the other. Dummy and bouncy chair combo was useful in the early days - she'd doze there whilst I put him to bed and then I'd do her bath and bedtime once he was asleep

Wow I’m actually really overwhelmed at the responses and all the helpful tips thank you all so much. I knew I wasn’t alone but the anxiety was starting to get to panic attack stage.

Il take onboard the cleaner and nursery/play group stuff. Both have been at the back of my mind they are affordable enough but would mean less other things but I’m happy with that for my sanity.

I totally understand the cleaning routine thing I tend to never go to bed without clearing all the toys away and making sure the kitchen is tidy for the morning. I have hyperemisis at the mo so coming down to the previous nights dishes would end me so il just keep that up forever.

I thought feeding would be an issue and luckily enough my wee one loves a story so that might be a great way to control jealousy. I do toddler groups 2/3 times a week, so I will keep them up. I don’t talk to anyone but I see how much my wee one loves them and getting out the house is nice most of the time.

Radio 4 great idea I can debate/chat along and not offend anyone lol.

So many helpful tips honestly. Lowering standards makes sense to me as they are a wee bit high I think.

Other half has Aspergers so functions differently to most. He doesn’t really see things and it can be very tiring constantly asking/reminding yelling at him to pick up after himself let alone our toddler. He has started to enjoy doing bath time with dc1 over last couple of months so that’s been a help and I think he will keep that up but that’s all the help I get. He doesn’t have a great attention span unless it’s something he is interested in. Any way lol that’s another thread I could go on but won’t bore you all. To the person recommending he cook he would ask me 300 questions and I’d lose my rag and that’s likely just microwaving some beans lol.

I’m nc with my parents due to abuse so don’t have them to fall back on. Mil is great but very busy but she will help when she can. 2 close friends but they both have toddlers and work full time so again the occasional play date is the best we can do.

Phoenix1973 I’m really sorry to hear about your sister that sounds tough for all involved. I hope she has a quick recovery.