I'm finding having a newborn hard. Tell me to get over it and that it will pass...

[KimchiLaLa]

I didn't want to hijack another poster's thread by posting this on theirs but I guess I just need to do a random brain dump of how I feel having a newborn. It's just the constant eat/sleep cycle. It's so monotonous and given my baby - who I love - was three weeks early, was so small, I am so focused on her feeding I find it hard to do much else - it just occupies me mentally.

I'm also getting anxious because you're desperate for them to sleep more in the night but my baby seems to have reflux so while she's an amazing day napper, she struggles in the night. But I know she is still not that bad - she goes for 2.5 - 3 hour stretches. But when she wakes with reflux and not hunger pain, I just want to stop her crying.

I was going crazy trying to implement a Gina Ford type routine, which I shouldn't have done as I became obsessed with it, so now I'm trying to just broadly stick to an EASY type one, pulling what I want to from it.

I'm trying to get out more but as a first time mum even simple things like using the car seat for the first time are fear inducing! Going to do that tomorrow and hoping that in a few months it's all second nature.

And, the truth is I get a lot of help at home - a lot of family helping in the day, bringing meals etc. So it should be easy for me, but I am finding being relatively housebound very dull. Signed up for a few classes with a friend and hoping that gives our day some structure.

We've all been here OP. Getting to grips with all the equipment- especially in public when out and about is so insanely stressful. I'll never forget driving to a supermarket, taking the bugaboo out of boot, and spending 20 mins on my hands and knees in the car park trying desperately to remember how it all once fit together. All while a seriously annoying woman sat in her car... staring straight at me making me feel like the most incompetent mum/human being ever.

I now have 2 Dcs (4 &!) and STILL have car seat battles, I just tell myself to not look like a lunatic on the outside, even though on the inside I feel close to nervous breakdown/spontaneous combustion levels with the stress of it, but just smile calmly as if everything is perfectly ok!! Arrrghhhh...

Before you know it, newborn days will be over and a distant memory, try and remember it speeds by and soak up those special- and crazy moments. She WILL sleep, This doesn't last forever- and 3 hr stretches are pretty good!

Thanks all. Your replies have given me hope and cheered me up. I also asked for an emergency GP Appt today, and thankfully got one, with a sympathetic GP who prescribed ranitidine - didn't even try and push gaviscon on me. Thank God! Maybe it's me overthinking it but she was much calmer when we gave her an 8pm feed. I'm hoping it continues tonight and she feeds without pain.

I remember 10 months ago when this was me with ds, hardly even going out, even popping to the shop seemed to be a momentous task, and no one ever admits how boring/lonley looking after a newborn can be. People kept telling me it will get easier and I used to look at them and think how the hell is that going to happen, but it really does. Definetly for us was when he hit three months and it's mostly just becoming more confident/knowledgeable yourself as a mum. Hang in there it sounds like you're doing a brilliant job.

Forgot to say this was my first outing solo (well my mum was with me to sit with her in the back of the car), so I used the car seat on my own! Got the hang of it by the end of the day and again I have no excuse as we have an isofix which I'm glad we do as clearly the seat belts will go over my head. So I feel a little more confident with car seats...

I could have written this post! My ds is 6 weeks today and it’s been the most challenging, overwhelming, and tearful (as well as amazing) 6 weeks of my life. Feeding has been a challenge since the start with her fussing in the middle of and after every single feed pretty much. A week ago I thought I’d lose it if I didn’t try and get to the bottom of what I knew wasn’t ‘normal’ feeding. I took her to an independent lactation consultant and had several theories:
Silent reflux
Posterior tongue tie
Just a fussy and windy baby
Thrush

Anyway, they said she had a tongue tie! Also had this confirmed with nhs specialist the day after and they said a 3-6 week wait for it to be cut which I just couldn’t bear. So we had it done privately on Monday. We’ve had lots of good feeds since but also quite a few bad with lots of screaming. She seems in pain after initial let down (I’d say 5 minutes on boob so maybe a little bit more than let down?) I have very quick flow and over supply so have been leaning back but even so, on some feeds she just won’t go back on after first 5 mins even though she’s clearly hungry. She then won’t stop crying, can’t be down on her back, shoots legs out and arches back. She’s sometimes sick in ‘good’ feeds but not normally in these bad feeds. I wonder if this could still be silent reflux, as latch seems to have improved yet it still happens. Other theory is she just has a sore tongue but I don’t think this would make legs stiffen like they do. We have 6 week check next week and I’m tempted to push for ranitidine. Can anyone who’s had a similar issue advise?

I feel like this amazing experience which we hoped and prayed for is slowly draining me. I have amazingly supportive hubby (who works long shifts), have been out and about most days (as otherwise I feel captive) and good mum friends. But I just feel like this 6 weeks is over and still I’m battling. Maybe because the tongue tie has set us back and she’s still re learning latch.

I feel awful to sound so negative, I cry most days and I just don’t know how to carry on. I feel like she doesn’t love me - I’m her mummy and yet I can’t settle her and make her happy with feeds, it’s heartbreaking.

Do we think it sounds like silent reflux? Or would that be every time. I’d say 3 of 8 feeds are bad per day and these are usually the afternoon/early eve ones.

Kimchilala - sorry as I almost feel I’ve hijacked your post. It sounds like bit by bit you’re getting there, well done for mastering the car seat, definitely isofix is the way forward.
I’ve found baby groups have been a lifeline and get out most days so that it passes the time quicker. Walking also good - put baby in a sling and headphones in with favourite music full blast. I walked for an hour and a half yesterday! Just make sure you have double layer legs and feet as the socks and babygro layers I had weren’t enough yesterday.

Keep going, you’re doing amazingly and we’ll look back on this bit and remember only the lovely moments! At least the sleep is fairly good, I know it doesn’t feel it but little one could be up hourly and then we would be destroyed! I’m sure plenty of mums have had that situation and I hope to god my little one never regresses to that!

All the hugs!

I'm completely new to this forum and (only just!) a mum to two boys aged 2 and 6 weeks. So I'm kind of in the same boat with my youngest. He was 4 weeks early and has also been diagnosed with reflux (is on Ranitidine).

I'm so happy to see that everyone is so supportive towards each other! I'm glad I've found somewhere where I can call my children little fuckers and know that people will take it in gest and not report me to social services!!!

I've been struggling emotionally with our new baby (lots of crying no sleep obviously!) and it's been nice to just KNOW people are going through the same. Doesn't feel just as lonely in the small hours. The tips are fab too. Thought it's lot harder to find groups for newborns that my toddler can go to as well...

Hope we all sleep well tonight!

Hi SK, no worries...you haven't really

The ranitidine seems to have kicked in but it's been replaced by my baby who normally goes 2.5-3hrs for a feed waking every hour/two hours. Hoping this is just a growth spurt. I'm combination feeding but it's mainly formula - can you get that with a FF baby?

Trying to implement a routine for a newborn is a recipe for going mad in my opinion. It's hard work already, there's no need to make it harder. Feed when hungry, change when needed, cuddle lots and before you know it they are older and it's different.

Not sure about the extra feeding, but be aware ranitidine doses need adjusting regularly with growth. Also, there is a range of safe doses and my DD started on the lowest, saw an improvement but needed increasing to the maximum fairly quickly.

Hope she will be more settled now. All the normal newborn stuff is hard enough but bad reflux does add another dimension of awfulness.

I found the first few weeks so, so hard. Wondered why I had ruined my lovely life by having a baby.

She's 5.5 months now and totally awesome, absolutely loving it. The turning point for me was probably around 8 weeks old. We very roughly followed EASY too (although naps were never as long as suggested) - but it did mean she has never fed to sleep which has been helpful long term.

She now sleeps and naps really quite well, and is FF 4hrly with no night feeds. Life now is basically the same as before but just with a brilliant extra little human!

I would have said ten weeks not six, it’s possible the improvement started at six weeks and I only noticed after a couple of weeks.

Week 3 is definitely the worst though. It’s exhausting. Peak sleep deprivation, and not enough experience to have your routine down.

3 months on is lovely though. They smile at you, start playing with toys, looks cuter... DS is 7 months and I’m mourning his lost babyhood, he’s practically a toddler now! (Not really, but he is mobile, eating solids, and wanting to do everything himself. I miss him being four months old and doing nothing except gaze at me lovingly while BFing )

Sashkin that's how I feel, week 3 was last week and TERRIBLE. I think she had a growth spurt, the reflux kicked in and she wasn't the sleeper she was before. Also it was three weeks of being indoors and not knowing what to do with myself.

Week 4 has been better, and she's back to 2.5-3 hourly bursts.

Once you get the hang of things, get out of the house!

There’s this lovely window between 2-4 months where they will sleep anywhere and you can go and do things all day long and they just tag along. Then by six months they stop sleeping in the pushchair and need formal naps, and you’re chained to the house again.

It will get so so much better! My baby is nearly a year old now but I remember those days. Don't feel bad about getting out if you don't feel like you want to. But by the sounds of it you're getting cabin fever, so I'm sure it will make you feel a lot better. The more you get out the easier it will all get.
I remember going out for the first time on my own with baby. Our hall way is a really awkward shape and I struggled to get the pram out of the door and had to put the base up outside the house and then put the bassinet on the base outside. While trying to do so I smashed my head into a pillar at our house. I just went back in, cried, and tried again with baby in a sling a few hours later. Speaking of a sling, I really recommend using one over a pram (if it suits you obviously). I found it easier and felt safer having tiny baby close to me.
It gets so, so much better.

Imo the newborn stage is hideous. Just aim to survive it until the more enjoyable bit starts around 4-5 months!

I’m struggling with it too, just the relentlessness of it. We’re EBF and she won’t take a bottle, and my partner gets quickly frustrated when she cries and passes her back to me even if it’s not hunger. I feel like I never get a break and I’m so tired. I feel awful for wanting this stage to pass but it’s so tough. I’m glad I’m not the only one.

Well I am now feeling like I should have been grateful for the old wake up times because today she has hardly slept at all. And is waking two hourly as opposed to a few days back where she was going in three hourly spurts. I got frustrated today and asked DH to do the 11pm feed (it was hourly at that point)

Very much feeling your pain here Kimchi

I had a moan further up your thread about DS being awake 1-4am. Oh how I now long for those glorious days. The past three nights he has been restless, hungry and pretty much unputdownable from 10pm to 4am. I'm praying this is a growth spurt and will end soon because I'm starting to feel desperate.

Hoping you can get a bit of peace soon.

I love the support you’ve received on this post. This time is so challenging. Glad to read that the Ranitidine (sp?) is kicking in; although not so glad to hear that your baby’s sleep has been disturbed by it.

My baby’s patterns of sleep change all the time. I don’t know how people try and implement routine with their newborns without going completely insane. I EBF my 9 week old and didn’t have a chance in hell of establishing a routine in those early days.. all he did was feed, day and night. Hour after hour.

Like everyone else has said.. it does get easier but these newborn days, goodness me, nothing prepares you. No ‘what to expect when you’re expecting’ book tells the truth, that to be honest, the first few months are shit and you’ll be more tired than you’ve ever known and you’ll be lonely and this little creature will scream at you and never say thank you and everything will hurt and you’ll wonder whether having your beautiful bundle of joy was the biggest mistake of your life.

Every woman I spoke to who had children told me that the newborn days were awful. Utterly awful. Not one person said they were good. Some people say to ‘enjoy them’ because time ‘goes so fast’ but it doesn’t feel like it. I’m still waiting for it to get easier at 9 weeks. During that first month where I was glued to the sofa feeding getting out on a dog walk every day was the best thing ever. You mentioned doing something in the kitchen that made you feel normal. I remember putting the clean dishes away and making morning coffee one day and feeling rejuvenated.

Thinking of you. I hope you get some sleep.

Oh I liked the newborn phase. DS was completely adorable and very very affectionate (still is), and he slept pretty well considering. DH is very hands on, so I got plenty of rest and wasn’t all that tired.

But DS didn’t even have a set bedtime until he was four months old, and even now his routine is nothing like as rigid as all those online nap schedules. You just accept your day is going to be a bit unpredictable, and you won’t get much done. I’ve learned to lower my expectations and just be happy if I’ve managed to do one thing I’d planned to do.

It’s nice to have my evenings back now though (DS goes to bed at 7, and usually stays asleep until midnight). Definitely makes me feel like my own person again.

I just wanted to find out if it got better for you? I have a 6-week old daughter and really struggling at the moment. I read your post and agreed with everything you mentioned.

Oh when you’re in the thick of it it feels like forever! You can’t imagine it ending but it does. Ds is now a toddler and I am facing a new set of challenges but i definitely get more time to myself and there’s more winging but a lot less crying. Sleep isn’t great but a lot better than it was. I sometimes get a solid block which was a lot more than I did when he was a baby. Also ds was a cat napper and now does one 3 hour nap in the day so it does happen! It’s hard adjusting to life with a baby and missing your old life. It’s a big change also after working full time to suddenly being stuck in house all of the time with a baby. I promise you though it does get better. Your baby will grow up and become a lot more independent and you’ll be yearning for those newborn cuddles.
Definitely see what the doctor says as sounds like maybe you may need some medicine. Ds has reflux and ranitidine helped him instantly.

Just realised his is an older thread, it strangely appeared in active! Hope things for better for you op!

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