I can't do this

[ThisIsReallyFunny]

I’m a ftm with a dd who is 20 months. Lately I am finding life a massive struggle. She was a dream baby, very patient, chilled out and “easy”.

But now it’s just almost becoming too much for me. She’s clingy. Doesnt want anyone but me to do her bath, or change her. Mealtimes are harder - she wants to feed herself and throws a hissy if I attempt to feed her, she is also becoming a picky eater. Sleep wise she’s not too bad. In her own room and often comes in with us if she wakes at night. During the day I feel like I’m drowning. Today at dinner I tried to help her with her yoghurt and she threw a fit, ended up crying and refusing to eat it. This in turn made me really upset. I also ended up really yelling at her which I hate myself for. I don’t know what I’m asking for here, just needed to get it out. I just feel like a shit mother.

Don't feel shit, most days are like that with DD (2) at the moment, it doesn't help that I'm tired and pregnant. I've had to walk away from her several times this week to take a few deep breaths. She wants to be independent, can't do things and either has a melt down if I offer to help or a melt down if it goes wrong- I can't win

Don't be so hard at yourself, being a SAHM is the hardest job in the world!

You might make life easier for yourself if you let her do some things for herself - maybe that's what caused the incident today, her wanting to be independent? I would expect a 20 month old to be able to feed herself. Yes they'll be mess but they need to learn at some point and once they've got the hang of it, it's less hassle for you.

If there are particular things you dread then try and avoid them? You don't say how often you bath her, but I'm of the opinion that daily baths aren't necessary unless you've been rolling in the sandpit all day. Could you stop some of the baths, or start getting in the shower instead?

Maybe switching a few things round might bring a new lease of life into things and get you out of some of the little battles it's easy to slip into.

Whatever you do be kind to yourself - you doing a great job as shown by the fact you care so much!

It's a really tricky stage isn't it! They are desperate to assert themselves but still almost completely without the skills to do so effectively. I'd pick your battles OP. Decide what is a red line and enforce it but otherwise let her make choices and have a bit of control over what happens to her. E.g. Let her feed herself - you'll only be wiping yoghurt off the ceiling for a very brief time as she'll quickly learn.

Similarly offering choices can be really helpful (she won't notice if they're not proper choices -e.g rather than getting into a power struggle about whether or not she's going to wear socks, say 'now are you going to wear your red socks or your blue socks' - That will make her feel she's got some control over the situation. If insisting you do everything is a control thing adding in choices may help ('daddy's going to help you wash but you can decide whether you want a bath or a shower') -worth a try anyway!

You're not a shit mum this stage is just a bit like being the body servant of a mad dictator

OP, you have all my sympathy. I was a SAHM to all of mine, and remember being shocked with myself for actually feeling cross for the first time with Number 1 when he refused to walk somewhere and rolled in dog poo on the pavement instead.

You are a good mum. It's still okay to be cross with your DD. But, as other have said and will say, pick your battles. If you have any more DC, they will be feeding themselves long before 20 months. I am by no means a laissez-faire mother, but have a photo of the Baby completely covered in yoghurt. I would not have countenanced that with her older brothers, and I am not sure they benefited from it. Believe me, you will count your blessings if they get to teenagehood in one piece (sorry: who are you? Oh, yes, you're my last-born). Let some things go, and be glad that your DD wants you ALL THE TIME. I used to think I would go insane if anyone else said "Mummy...". Now I wish my last-born would do anything other than glower at me over her phone.

All that said: it's okay to feel angry and frustrated. But I promise that this, like everything else, will pass.

Genghis - the servant of a mad dictator! Thanks for making me laugh, that's so true!