Sorry, bit long. They are twins, 8 years old.
Of course I don't love dd1 less but I do find dd2 easier. Dd1 is a massive daddy's girl and has been since birth. She is quite an emotional child, very verbal, wears her heart on her sleeve. She is bright kind and very very funny but she tends to the whingy and perceives injustice at every turn which tbh can be a bit draining.
She gets lots of physical affection, has friends at school and lots of love from both me and dh. I work full time in a senior role so it's not massively unusual for me to only see her for half an hour a day in the week but dh picks them up every day and I spend all weekend with both girls.
I try to spend good time with them both on the weekend but she wants constant attention, playing with etc. In the week she's self sufficient so I get the fact she wants my attention when she can have it but she ends up constantly complaining about nothing being good enough.
I snapped today when she started to cry during strictly because I cuddled her sister. I've spend the whole day with dd1 pottering, playing and chatting. Poor dd2 has been ill on the sofa and I've pretty much left her to her own devices so wanted to have a few minutes with both of them together. Apparently this means I don't love dd1!
Obviously something is making dd1 insecure but when I try to talk to her I can't work out what. Things she comes up with are around me not feeding her i.e. Letting her eat sweets, not telling her sister off for things I've seen she isn't guilty of or doing household jobs instead of playing. She is 8 though so not a baby and should be able to grasp the fact that food doesn't cook itself.
Any ideas on how I can give her more security without leaving out dd2 (who is much more reserved and self sufficient thus easy to overlook).