What do people think of mother and toddler groups? a good or bad thing?

[lucyellensmum]

I take my little girl to mother and toddler groups, baby music on monday, M&T tuesday, wednesday and Friday. Is that a good thing or should i spend more time playing on our own? I have read threads on here that suggest that dragging your little ones around to various coffee mornings etc is not a good thing. I have to say, and have posted before, that one of the M&T groups i go to seem to forget the children are there so will probably drop that one. The others are a good mix of interactions with some directed activities such as painting, singing and crafts. That has to be a good thing doesnt it?

I just wondered what other peoples experiences were? I find them VERY clique(y?) and often don't say more than a polite hello to other mums on some mornings. I do find small talk difficult to engage in at times and sometimes im simply not ineterested in peoples new curtains (not actually heard anyone talking about that actually!) but you know what i mean. Other times i would love to be involved in the chats for a small time to let little one go and play on her own but often stick to her like glue. Oh, and i'm NOT shy.

can.of.worms

good luck with this thread btw...fwiw i do a mix of both. if u feel u need to ask ppl whether or not to stop going to groups and spend some time with your children then ithink u know the answer.

I go to M&T on a Tuesday am, and a singing group on a Weds am, then every few Fridays I meet up with the antenatal group I met when having ds1. Personally I like having the time to ourselves and letting them just have a bit of chill out time. I think doing some of these M&T groups is good, especially if your dd doesn't go to nursery, because it helps them interact with other children a bit. But, for me, I can't be bothered with going as often as you .

but thats the thing mumofmonsters,i go to the groups to spend time with my little one, it gives us something different to do, but at 20m is one on one better i wonder? Just interested in peoples experiences actually. REading those other veiw points about dragging to groups etc reminds me of my mother taking me around to her friends houses when i was wee - i remember being bored alot!

I dont like them, my HV told me I should take my dd as it was cirbing her developnment by not taking her, I went to view a group & hated it. Didnt go from then on and my dd's are fine. They interact with adults and children alike even though they don't mix with them.

They just arn't me.(my dd's are als anaphylactic so the issue of food in the premesis is also a no no).

I hate them, i went a few times and dd loved it but i did'nt like the way the parents sit down comparing their children, i found it a bit bitchy. I prefer to spend time with my kids at home. My dd1 goes to nursery 3 times a week and dd2 goes once a week (when im at work) so they still get to mix with other kids.

Have you got any close friends with children that could come to your house to plat etc, alot less stressful.

I think M&T groups are great - I had no friends with babies when I had DS1 and felt very isolated until I joined a M&T group when he was 1. There I met a lovely group of ladies and made friends I still have now. It did wonders for my sanity! I used to go to 1 M&T group and meet up with M&T friends for softplay/park/ducks etc once a week. Sometimes took him swimming too but the rest of the time I was home. Didn't do as much as you but have many friends who do - it is just what balance works for you and your LO really.

Great dd1 loves playing with other children and dd2 likes it too. So much to look at

none of my close friends have small children, all working out there in the big wide world. I am actually stunned by the amount of bitching and comparing that goes on, i am however finding a small group of women who i talk to who seem to have the same philosophy as me, that is to have a chat but play with our children also. I always swore i wouldnt do M&T for those reasons but DD does seem to enjoy it, no, she loves it.

every where y ou go in life, life is cliqey, mums and toddler, school playgroup, and work.
i enjoyed m & t groups, met some nice people. just ignore the occasional bitchiness, don;t join in.. it is just a way of making friends for some people, to run other people down.

you should enjoy her

thats about all you should be doing, really

I enjoy the M&T group I go to.
It is a more structured one, which suits me.
It took me a few weeks to get beyond the first 'hello' to people, but I'm glad I stuck with it now.
dd enjoys playing with toys that we do not have at home, eg a tunnel and slide.
My advice would be to go to the groups that you enjoy, as you will feel more at ease there and therefore so will your dd.

m & t are for her and for you, 20 months did you say, you hve a few years of going.. whatever makes you happy, a happy mum is a happy house, one piece of advice a hv said to me that made sense !

Do what you enjoy doing - if you like going to the M&T groups - keep up with it. Sometimes I found being out of the house was a relief and it wouldn't have mattered where I was. It was better for the dcs that I was not going insane than any marginal advantage that they might have gained being locked up at home doing fulfilling activities with mad mummy.

Agree that M&T groups can be awful, they vary a lot. I have heard some truly teriible things said at them. On the otherhand cos I did keep going, I now have some great friends as a result.

I think if both you and your DD enjoy the groups then go, what's the problem? On the other hand, if you hated them, and found them a chore and you weren't sure if your DD really benefited then, why force yourself? But as that's not a issue, then just enjoy watching your DD having fun!

I take my DD to one on a Wed, which does tend to be a bit cliquey, but I moved to a new area last summer and I met some lovely mums there who really welcomed me. The beauty for me of the M&T groups is the casual basis of them, if you don't feel like going one week, you don't have to, another week if you're crazy to get out of the house then you can go. With things like Tumble Tots or whatever, you have to pay for the term so if you miss one you're losing money.

I would have gone mad without m&t groups, as i moved to a very rural village from London, with a 9 month old, and probably would never have spoken to another adult if i hadn't gone to the groups.

They were hard work to start with, but now i've met some really nice people, and for me it's really nice to get time to chat and drink coffee while my dd2 runs about and does painting and plays with other kids. It's for me as much as her - we then do stuff together in the afternoon, but as i work from home, i really need adult company to stay sane.

They can be cliquey places, but there's one group i go to where there are only about 10 of us, and no cliques, very welcoming and friendly - if you find somewhere like this it's great.

Recently a woman moved here from Kenya - quite a huge change for her and her children, when this village is about 99% white, and couldnt' be more different to Nairobi! After a few weeks at the toddler group she said she wanted to thank everyone as we made her feel like she was home. It was quite emotional, and shows how great it is when people would be otherwise quite isolated.

I go with a friend who thinks they are important. I just see it as a means of getting out of the house. The other mums rarely speak to me and to be honest I am not inclined to speak to them. A bit shy I guess.

DD seems to enjoy the painting and art stuff and it means my kitchen is spared. I find it good cos Art is not my thing and I haven't a clue so it gives me ideas. If you find it easy to strike up conversations with strangers then I guess they are a good way of meeting people.

good thing, bad thing, how about just A thing.

A thing to have in your selection of stuff to do together.
A thing that you might value for your childs oppotunities to play in a differnt enviroment to home.
A thing that you might value for your oppotunity to meet some other adults and have a 2 sided conversation.
A thing that can put as much or as little effert into as you like, however the more you put in the more you get out is what I tend to find.

i went to M & T groups when by baby was really small (under 6mths) just for something to do - sometimes I enjoyed it and sometimes not. I didn't really put in the effort to make friends but do say hello to the mums I met there (3years ago) when i bump into them in the supermarket.

6mths - 12mths I went to one music morning which was a bit boring for me and never spoke to other mums really but was something to do.

Then once baby was walking I swapped M&T groups for soft play areas or Wacky Warehouse type places. That way me and baby were getting out of house and she was getting some stimulation with other kids but I didn't have to bother with rest of mums.

Guess I'm quite lucky cos I've got a good group of old friends who all have kids same age so I go to play areas with them.

Love the statement

'a happy mum is a happy home' - how very very true!