Anybody there with a child learnin three languages?

[Chandra]

I speak Spanish to DS, DH speaks to him in Catalan and he gets a lot of English practice at the nursery. He is 17m old and is becoming very shy at nursery, yesterday somebody from the staff asked us if he was speaking at home (it's not difficult to see that DS is behind in his language skills compared to monolingual children). So the question here is, if you are raing a three lingual child, how long to go before the problem improves?

I'm really sad that he may end up feeling frustrated for not speaking as well as his friends, but in the other hand I know that speaking to your son in a language other than yours maybe sometimes worse (language confusion, lack od spontaneity at home, what kind of pronunciation he could get from me, etc.)

Any one?

Bor am I the only one?

Hi Chandra, I don't have any personal experience but my sister lives in Spain with her Spanish dh and two children.

When the children were younger my sister spoke English at home, her dh spoke a mixture of Spanish & Catalan and then they got Spanish/Catalan at school plus English lessons at school. My dn(iece) picked up the mixture of languages very easily and switches from one to the other with no problems but d(nephew) the younger one wasn't so quick. They now speak less English as my sister says she's 'losing her English' having been there for 12 years. I'm fascinated as she says now, she thinks in Spanish, whereas before she thought in English and translated before speaking.

IMO 17 months is very early for nursery to make a judgement about your ds's language skills - some monolingual children say very little at that age, my ds2 didn't speak a great deal until 2. Stick at it, I think bi-lingual children have a great advantage in life.

I have no experience of this myself, but it WILL be a huge advantage for him in the future. Being bi-lingual makes it easier for someone to learn other languages, even when they are an adult.

He will pick up English very quickly at Nursery. A Lithuanian girl started at ds' Nursery 6 months ago hardly being able to speak a word of English. Now she chatters away like the rest of the kids - and with the same accent!
Just to show how quickly they learn - I once met a 5 year old Dutch girl who could fluently speak Dutch (of course!), English, and Portuguese. She could also speak fairly good French, and a smattering of Russian!!!

Chandra - I spoke only English (my first (in fact, only!)language) to ds and dd; dh spoke only Welsh (his first language) to them. Ds and dd went through the stages of replying in English; then replying in Welsh using some English words or some slang Welsh; then they progressed to replying in proper Welsh. That's our experience. I have some friends with tri-lingual children; Spanish from Mum, Welsh from Dad and English from friends and they've always seemed perfectly competant for their age in speaking English to me. I first knew them when their dd1 was about 4, so she was a good bit older than your ds at the moment. I'd say to stick with it. You're giving him a great opportunity in speaking three languages and I'm sure he'll benefit enormously in the future. At the age of just 17 months, he is still very young. As long as he seems happy at the nursery, I wouldn't worry too much. You could ask the nursery staff to tell you if he seems to not understand instructions given to all the children ie "Put the toys down and come and sit over here" and you could practise these at home, perhaps with other key words they use ie story time, break time, lunch time, or whatever. HTH.

Thanks for your replies, I guess we can't have everything, can we? (and I have a tendency to worry fat too much ). In a way, the most important goal DH and I have as parents is to raise a confident and sociable child, probably because both of us are a bit on the shy side (what am I saying??? I'm Saint Chandra!, Patron Saint of the Shy Mums! ) so it worries me a bit that he is becoming a bit shy too.

He is able to understand orders in Spanish and Catalan, not sure how good he is in English, he is babbling all the time but he uses very few words.

Thanks again.

my ds is 21 months and has english at home from dh and I and also arabic from his nanny, but he mixes with French speaking children a lot and I speak a lot of French outside the house. next year he starts a french speaking nursery. he seems a little behind his monolingual or bilingual friends but my brother didn't speak til he was almost 3 and my dh was also slow so it's probably just genetic (monolingual upbringings)- anyway, I'm surrounded by plenty of trilingual people so it doesn't worry me at all - I'm sure he'll get there in the end.
one thing I was talking about to friends recently though is if his recent aggression and biting could be related to being unable to express himself through words so far -although of course this is also very comon in monolingual children too
btw 17 months seems very young to make an issue of his speaking (nursery I mean) - when I see ds with his peers they hardly speak to each other at all to communicate, more pointing and pushing/pulling stuff

Yes Morocco, that's the thing... agression/shyness caused by frustration.

We have some friends who decided to speak only English to their son (both are Spanish speakers), the boy didn't learn well neither one. He's 5 now and it's difficult to understand what he is saying, he has always been a bit agressive (he has even punch DS in the face when DS was 6m old), but I believe it's because he can't communicate properly.

In the other hand, we had other friends who decided to speak to their DD only in Spanish and let her learn English at nursery, he spoke Spanish very early but didn't have any friends until 3.5 when she finally managed to communicate in English. She was not agressive but she had sort of a a lonely start.

I know we don't have many options, after all we can not/consider necessary to go back home so he can only have one or two languages, but I was wondering, probably just out of scientific curiosity , what would be the average for trilingual children to comunicate in a non parental language. And if there is anything you can do to reduce this "frustration" time to a minimum.

Thanks

Hi Chandra, I think we 'met' before on this subject didn't we. Well, we are still hanging in with our trilingualism - in English (me), Portuguese (DH) and Italian because we live in Italy. DS is 4 and has been at play school since September and he can now chat away in Italian with his friends although I'm not at all sure that they understand him all the time It doesn't seem to bother him too much and he is improving all the time. Neither DH or I ever speak to him in Italian so I reckon he's doing pretty well. Incedently, he is fluent in English and very good in Portuguese.
However prior to Italy we lived in Denmark and DS went to Danish playschool from about 14 months. Again neither DH or I ever spoke Danish to him. His teachers at the playschool only spoke to him in Danish and they said that for a very long time he didn't say a thing but suddenly at about 2 years old he started talking fluently. So I really wouldn't worry too much, I think your playschool staff are causing unneccesary worries for you.

Sigh (a relief one) Thanks Albert! now at least I have a rough idea of how long it will take, does your child still speaks Danish?

No experience personal, as I am (sadly) a minoglot. However had a mate in college who was fluent in 4 languages, english, french, german and swedish.....I was most envious. He was amazingly bright, had loads of friends and in the end became a highly sucessful scientist!

No Chandra, he doesn't speak it anymore apart from a few words which is quite a shame but to be expected I suppose. Although I read an article once that said even if the child learnt a language at an early age (like DS) and then forgot it, if they try to learn it again at a later stage it will be very easy.

Chandra, just seen this thread.... relax. my advice to you would be don't worry one tiny bit. I also wonder if your nursery staff are making something out of nothing ... maybe they don't have much experience of bi or tri lingual children. My 3 children are bi-lingual- they speak English at home with me any English friends and family, and Portuguese at school and with dh. They have many friends here who are tri-lingual, for example one speaks Danish to her Mother, Portuguese to her father and at school and English because that is the language that her parents use at home together. Another two speak English to their dad, German to their mum and Portuguese at school. They are all bright, friendly and confident kids.

My advice is: stay consistent - if you speak Spanish to him then keep speaking it ditto your dh with Catalan. If English is slow to come don't worry it will come when he'e ready for it. Yes 17 m is far too young to expect him to be saying much and maybe his English will come a fraction slower but if the other toddlers can say ball and he can't so what? He knows what it is and he'll say it when he's ready! He will understand first and use the words later, I think you'll find.

Just another thought, why not get him some English tapes of stories, nursery rhymes, counting songs, to put on the tape player quietly at bedtime. There will probably be songs etc he's heard at nursery, so it's a little familiar and might give him confidence. My mother got me some from the Early Learning Centre.

Chandra, I grew up speaking welsh to my mum, spanish to my dad and English at school. I also had some Italian and Catalan (to communicate with my dad's mum and people at their family home). Apparently I wasn't particularly fast to pick up spanish (but then I had very little contact with my dad as a small child) and switched between Welsh and English mid-sentence until I was about 4.

With my Psychologist's hat on I agree with others who think the nursery are making a mountain out of a molehill. He probably will be slower to speak and he will probably learn certain words earlier in a particular language. For example my friend's DD learned to say "llaeth" (Welsh for milk) at around 16 months. She didn't say "milk" until well after her second b'day. They realised that Englsih speaking mum knew that a screech and pointing to the fridge meant "milk" so she would hand it over without using the word whereas Welsh speaking dad would struggle and list items from the fridge "bara, llaeth.." and so on so their DD picked up the word so she could get what she wanted more quickly!

Hi Chandra, I had similar worries and therefore contacted a somebody who specilises in bilingualism. I speak in German to DD, DH speaks in Catalan and DH and I speak in English with each other. But this specialist reassured me that we were not confusing DD as children up to the age of 6 learn languages differently than adults and older kids. The only thing she said s to make sure that we keep languages apart i.e. I only speak in German to DD, DH in Catalan and English is only spoken when all are together. This way DD can learn and associate the different languages with people and situations. She also mentioned that its quite common that kids that are exposed to more than 1 language will speak slightly later. So nothing to worry about. I hope this helps a bit.

Yes I hink it might be difficult for some children in the beginning.My children have had 'selective mutism' which is more common in bilingual children( mine are 3-lingual).
Still, I wouldn't have brought them up in any different way- in my eyes I couldn't do anything else.
But the world is not black and white and there can be both advantages and disadvantages.
My children are 11, 7, 5 now, fluent in all 3 languages and above average in English (none spoken at home).
The problem is not that their brains can't cope with many lanuages- that is not the case and I even think they learn new languages, like French at school, easier and with less accent then their peers.
But starting school and not knowing the language can be hard, for one child more so then for the other.Understanding and the right support can make all the difference.
I would advise you to place yput child at a nursery/ school where they have experience with foreign children and are supportive of you speaking your own languages.

Hi, I have a 2 year old daughter and a 8 mths old son and they are both learning 3 launguages. Me (danish), The dad (french) and we speak english to each other. My daughter is not saying a lot but understands everything we are saying in english, a lot in french and a little in danish,I don't speak a lot to her in danish at the moment. She do not speak in sentences, talk in "her own languages" but say several "real" words. We are not worried since we know it is harder to learn more languages, but it will all be worth it in the end. The main thing is that she understands what we are saying and she understand when "french granparents" and "danish grandparents" are talking to her.

Hi Chandra

PLease don't worry about it. Keep at it. My son is now 3.4 he speak English with me and at nursery. DH speaks Danish to him and my parents speak Hindi to him. He understands a lot of Danish, some Hindi and is talking for England now in English . I am happy with this. As long as he understands the other languages it is an advantage. It think you will see huge improvement with time.

I have also heard from parents who have older tri-lingual children that you will find at different points in time they will have a preference for one language over the other.

HTH

Keep doing things your way. You're giving your kid a great advantage. We have diff langs in our family & they all picked up lang fine. Good luck

my 3 yrs old son is learning 3 languages.mine is italian,my hubby is arabic and we communicate in english...i must admit he is is not as chatty as a normal 3 yrs old but he understand exactly what u tell him in any of the 3 languages.I also read to him in italian and english and he aknowledge everything.my only concern so far is that he only answers in english and that frustate my italian parents who are not fluent in english and struggle to understand his every wish and demand..I also find myself speaking to him in english as an habit and I know is wrong but then again I am worried as he will start nursery in sept and I don't want him to be left behind.all schools in my borough are aware that most of their pupils come from a variety of backgrounds and are very helpfull but competition is high even at this early stage..
any italian mum online?

Alluka
I am italian but I dont speak italian to dd, now 3 she is very chatty in english and she can say ciao ciao only. my sister is coming to visit from italy and staying for a week in the hope that she can teach her some italian.