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Parenting

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Original poster

Have you ever lost the plot in front of your LO?

10 replies

SANA · 10/04/2007 16:23

My DS is 2.2, before he was born DH & I agreed that we would never argue in front of our children, u know the ones where u have a bit of shouting ( me) bit of crying (me) bit of sighing ( DH). In the last week I have completely lost my temper in front of DS on 2 occassions and now i feel really crap as this is really not like me.........normally very calm

I am PG at the moment & DS has been a nightmare at nights with his sleeping & I work full time & I just feel as I am about to crack as i just cant cope with everythng, I really want this baby but I am just toooooooooooooo tired & DS is very clingy ( he's a mummys boy) & DH just doesnt help enough

please tell me u have sometimes lost your temper in from of your kids & they r still okay....i really hate trying to be this perfect mummy..its to blimming hard

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mckenzie · 10/04/2007 16:28

I remember reading on here somewhere that it's okay to row and lose it with your DH in front of the children as long as the chidlren also see you calm down and make up. After all, we don't live in a perfect world, people do argue and shout and trying to hide that from our children could do more harm than good.

mckenzie · 10/04/2007 16:31

sorry sana, I also should add that yes, I've lost it in front of my children and they are still fine . You wouldn't be normal I dont think if you weren't doing the things that you are doing when you are pregnant, work full time and have a toddler and DH in tow.

hannahsaunt · 10/04/2007 16:34

Would simply second all that has been said by mckenzie esp the making up bit after - children need to experience the whole gamut of life and learn how to manage emotion constructively (and one day it may sink in with ds1 )

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MorocconOil · 10/04/2007 16:50

I agree with all that's been said. Children need to learn that it is ok to experience and demonstrate the whole range of emotions(some more often than others).
We have arguments like you've described every 6 months or so and the children have witnessed them. They have looked frightened at the time, which made me feel really terrible. However we have both reassured them lots afterwards that we love eachother just get cross with what the other does sometimes. I am sure it hasn't done any lasting damage, and it is not like a domestic violence situation where children witness persistent abuse of one adult against another.
Don't worry about it Sana. You are obviously a very caring parent to be reflecting on it.

GooseyLoosey · 10/04/2007 16:54

Yes I have and yes they are - I think. As Mckenzie said just let them see that you and dh have made it up - we make sure we hug each other in front of the dcs!

castlesintheair · 10/04/2007 17:05

Yes all the time but my family are meditteranean and we believe in getting it all out in the open The counter balance is frequent displays of affection. My MIL (who is from lancashire) used to think the only other family who fought like hers (FIL Greek) were the Ewings in Dallas! My DCs are very happy btw and everyone comments on how confident they are.

claireabo · 10/04/2007 17:05

your son will be fine, you are only human and i agree with everyone if he sees you being friends again he will be fine

Original poster

SANA · 11/04/2007 09:25

thank you, I never looked at it this way before, he did look really scared at the time & then kept trying to cuddle me & didnt want DH near him. We did make up in front of him but I felt really bad at the time but he seems fine now & still loves DH to bits 7 dH has been much more helpful round the house since I lst my rag ( not sure how long that will last!!)

OP posts:

climbingrosie · 11/04/2007 10:17

I have too! It's good for kids to know their parents are human and have emotions! If they are secure and get lots of love these kind of outbursts they witness shouldn't have any long-lasting damage.

whywhywhy · 11/04/2007 10:21

Sana I've done it. I'm a chronic depressive old grump with an anger management problem and I push dh to his limits a lot (he's a stubborn b*gger too).

Sometimes ds does get affected by it- not upset but starts imitating me, etc, and that's disturbing. But he is fundamentally a great kid. Very sociable if a bit bossy! I explain to him when I can that mummy gets grumpy and we talk about what it feels like to be grumpy and how it's better not to shout, etc. He's 3.8.

Obviously it would be great if we were all happy all the time and lived in a perfect world but I think if you love your dcs and admit your faults that is surely a good (enough) foundation....

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