Not sure I did the right thing in this situation - need the Mumsnet jury!

[Olihan]

Last week I took ds1 (3.3), dd (19 mo) and ds2 (14wks) to softplay with a friend and her dcs (dd 3.3 & ds 15 mo). It's quite a small one and there was only 1 other mum in there with her dcs - a ds1 who was 4ish, a ds2 who was 3ish and a dd of 5/6 months in a car seat.

My friend and I were following our dcs around, mainly because the 2 younger ones aren't tall enough to reach some of the bits so need a leg up occasionallly. The other mum was sat at the side with her baby while her dss played. You can't see most of the playing area from the seating area, only a big ball pit and a couple of hidey places, the rest is out of sight.

Anyway, after about 5 minutes of us being in there these 2 boys came to the bit where our dcs were playing and started 'joining in' with them, but pushing them out of the way to get on things first, standing over holes so our dcs couldn't climb up, etc. So we took our dcs to a different bit to get away from them. Unfortunately, because it's not very big, there's a limit to how far you can get away and these boys followed us and started doing the same thing. My ds1 was getting understandably fed up with them and started shouting at them, which made them worse. My friend and I were trying to keep the peace and encourage them all to play together but it really wasn't working.

In the end we took our 4 to the big ball pool which was in sight of this other mum, thinking that if she was in view they may not do it. They followed us again and the older one started throwing balls at my ds1 from about a foot away. Ds1 started crying because he was throwing them quite hard and the other mum called over from where she was sittng and told her ds1 to stop, in a 'Xy, don't do that' sing-songy voice. He didn't so she told him if he didn't stop then she'd tell his dad he'd been naughty. He then stood over my ds1 and started hurling the balls down at his head, at which point the mother tigress/ex teacher in me escaped and I leaned very close to him and said quietly (but firmly, in my best Dr Tanya voice) 'Stop throwing balls at him, it hurts'. He did stop and got out of the ball pool, then a few minutes later I over heard him telling his mum that I'd told him off.

I didn't actually tell him off, just told him to stop, and I didn't hear what his mum replied to him telling her that. At the time I was so cross that I'd done everything I could to try and stop him picking on my ds1 that I wasn't bothered that she knew but afterwards I thought I probably shouldn't have done it.

So, I need you to rule on:

1. Was I right/ justified in having a word with him?

2. What else could I/ should I have done?

3. How would you have felt if you were the other mum and someone else had done what I did?

Over to you, the jury!

1. Yes, you were right
2. Tured him upside down and stuck him, headfirst, into the ball pit - (don't do this really)
3. Embarrassed, I should be able to control my child. If my dd1 had continually misbehaved, I would have taken her out and made her sit with me until she behaved

1)yes, absolutely right
2)nothing else you could do.
3)I don't know. Don't worry about it. You did the right thing

I once lost my rag with a 6 year old who was following ds (2.5 then) around and pushing him when he thought I wasn't looking. His mother saw and did nothing. I asked him to stop, made no difference. I asked the mother to tell him, she just shrugged her shoulders and said boys will be boys. So when he ran past me with his hands out to push ds again I stuck my foot out. As I had tried everything else I felt perfectly justified!

I think you did the right thing too, I've started to avoid these places as I got so tired of similar situations.

i had my 2 dds at soft play a couple of weeks ago dd1 is 5 and a total wimp but dd2 who has just turned 3 is the total opposite

anyway the boy of the family sitting over from us went up to dd1 and slapped her on the arm , i shouted at him straight away not to do that then turned and shouted at the other family and told them what he had done, we all turned round to look at the kids just in time to see dd2 punching the little boy in the face!!!

i was totally mortified, im glad that my daughter is confident enough to stand up for herself and her sister but i had just made such a issue about thee little boy hitting my daughter and 2 secs later my little one about knocks him out.

i do think you were right to tell the boy of though, if his mum is not making sure that he is behaving then its up to you to make sure that your child is safe and able to enjoy his play time in peace.