Please tell me having a newborn gets easier soon

[Electromagnetic]

He's 8 weeks and I love him but it's all just soul crushingly boring. I have lots of support, a fantastic DH, a relatively good baby who wakes only once or twice a night. But I am just fed up. Feed, change, nappy, coax to sleep, keep asleep, repeat. I wanted him so much, went through the hell of IVF, but now I'm here I'm hating it most of the time. It's so dull. I miss my sleep, freedom, I miss work!! He just needs me constantly, and I want to do the best for him, but it's all so tedious! I am clearly not a natural! Please tell me when it got better for you? When do babies get more interesting?

Can I suggest throwing yourself into any baby class that is going locally. I found being alone with my baby at home each day really dull. At 6 weeks we started going to baby sensory and a local music class and suddenly i loved my maternity leave. I made new friends and my daughter and I were out of the house all day everyday meeting people and boosting her development. I can't recommend baby groups enough!

Thanks everyone. The consensus seems to be some improvement at 3 months and then again at 6. I'm just persevering through but I hate that I am essentially wishing him older.

Thanks for the getting out advice, I have been seeing friends about twice a week and getting out the house for a walk most days. Yesterday however I was in all day, family visiting and I think I missed getting out. I've not done any baby classes yet as I wanted his first vacc done beforehand but I will shortly. I hope that helps.

The sling idea is unfortunately a no go, we have a lovely sling my husband uses, but as DS is on the 99.6 centile he's too heavy for me in it and I get terrible back pain after ten minutes! It's just like being pregnant again! It's not the sling he is just enormous, already in 3-6 clothing.

I went and had a cry on DH after posting earlier, who told me off for spending my free time doing housework drudgery and we agreed instead I would spend some spare time doing things that make me feel human again, which pathetically includes reading journals for work as I miss it so .

I'm glad I'm not alone in finding the newborn stage mind numbingly boring, and that for some of you it gets better. I'm hoping once he starts positively responding to me it will get better. Role on three months.

I know you said it's not the sling, but have you considered going to a sling swap/ trying a different one? I'm only saying that because I'm carrying my five month old in one and I know people who carry eighteen month olds. A soft structured one can often put more of the weight in your waist. My baby didn't really like the sling when he was newborn, but now I take him everywhere in it.

Are you breastfeeding? If you are, could you pump a bottle and just take a book to a coffee shop for an hour? (If you're formula feeding then this is definitely possible!)

Hope you feel better soon.

I could carry my 3 year old in my sling comfortably, so if your back is hurting its definitely your sling, not your baby :)

I found a comfy sling great fir doing normal things with a baby. They sleep and relax there so you can be out and about. Great to walk normally and not be looking for ramps/ lifts/ pram space.

I got quite low not going out, I made a rule to go somewhere I'd talk to people every day. Council children's centre website and local mums fb group good for finding activities.

4 weeks here and it is tough, even with plenty of support. I second a PP - my sanity is saved by my NCT group and meeting up with other mums for coffee and a chat.

I feel you completely. Mu daughter is 3 months and it's getting better as she learns more/can interact more but I still have days where the whole thing is so tedious.

I think often when you come from a stimulating, demanding job it's a huge shock to the system to suddenly not be using your brain in the same way or having stimulating conversation.

I just try to make sure we get out the house everyday, and I'm holding on knowing it will get more interesting as they hit each milestone!

Rory I think you're right, the gear shift from a demanding job I love to nappies has given me whiplash. Hopefully when DS gives me more feedback in a month or so it will be easier.

Thanks for the sling advice people, but I honestly think the slings fine, I've been to a sling library and tried several before this one. iI's more likely me whose the problem as I'm no spring chicken! I had back problems throughout pregnancy, as well as niggles before that. I just don't think it can take extra load regardless of positioning!

My advice is to enjoy this easy stage - I liked newborns because I could still do what I wanted - art galleries/walks/shops. They just sat in the pram or sling with little protest as long as they were fed and clean. By 18 months there’s no hope ever again of them quietly accompanying you, all freedom is gone while they run off, protest, whine, spill, fight and be generally toddlerish. It’s more interesting, but to be honest for me more soul destroying!

Just to say it does get better - I did find the first 3 years a total relentless drag. But...my 5 year old - I adore him I could spend all day with him just drinking him up. He’s funny, calm, sweet, actually interested in things, doesn’t bolt off etc etc. It gets better! Eventually!!!

I adore my 2 year old too of course but he is not as enjoyable a companion!!!

It’s get easier.

Why so many go on to have more.

You're not alone. I found having a newborn utterly tedious, just the sheer relentlessness of it without getting anything in return. I went for the sling and escape the house option. Agree you need a different sling, I can still carry my almost 2 year old easily. I went to every baby group going, met some lovely people and spent most of my mat leave doing fun stuff and going to the pub for lunch. I also went back to work at 4 months, which saved my sanity. For me, every stage just gets better and better. I never had a baby to have a baby, I wanted a child, if that makes sense. If they could be delivered aged one I'd have another! DS is now almost two and completely brilliant, he's so much fun (although I'm still glad I work, I'm deffo not cut out to be a SAHM). Hang in there, it gets better!

Yes hun it does! But I really miss my DS being a newborn haha. He was such a lovely contented little bubs but now he is a demanding little shit lol! But I love him so much. You'll enjoy them growing, developing and learning new things but at the same time you will miss how they used to be cos time really does go so fast. Make the most of it, plenty of cuddles and cherish them x

mittens don't tell people how they'll feel. I don't miss how my 'bubs' was as a newborn, I honestly don't. And I certainly don't regard him as a demanding little shit now! Occasionally challenging, definitely hard work, but genuinely brilliant fun 99 percent of the time. Not everyone is the same.

@welshweasel did someone got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning? I was only trying to help OP! And I didn't mean demanding "little shit" in a nasty way!

My advice would be to get out and do things you won't be able to do once baby is older. Go to baby cinema, go to coffee shops with friends or by yourself with a good book etc. If your baby is relatively easy then you can do some really nice things that you just won't be able to do when your baby is moving and more interesting. Baby classes can be helpful if you need to meet people or don't know many people but to be honest I mostly hung out in coffee shops and saved the toddler groups until he was older. It gets better though, it's a big change but it'll be brief and you'll be on to the next stage and then the next stage before you know it

mittens no, not at all. It's just I know how upsetting it can be when you don't conform to the 'norm' of loving spending time with a squishy newborn. I don't miss it, honestly I don't. But everyone tells me that I do/should!

I think that’s a very honest OP - you describe the experience of looking after a newborn very well. I think the older you are the harder it can be to make the adjustment particularly if you have left a stimulating job. The relentless routine can appear mind numbing - be grateful you have a good sleeper. I think the best advice is to make the most of how portable your baby is at this stage - you can take them pretty much anywhere. Your LO will become more interesting and more demanding before you know it, but also more restrictive - if you think he needs you constantly now wait until he’s on the move. I also want to add that although it feels as though it will last forever when you are the middle of it looking back from the other side (mine are teenagers now) it is gone in a flash.

Honestly, I am still really struggling with the boredom and DS is 6.5 months now. I go to a few baby groups but I am not very good at small talk so I prefer the ones where there is an activity - baby sensory, Rhyme Time.

I also had/have a very demanding, stimulating job, and I resent that I now spend my mental energy fretting about feeds, naps etc! I love DS madly, but I am really looking forward to getting back to work.

Hang in there

PS I also feel very guilty that I am not loving every second as DS is a much longed for rainbow baby and I feel I should be more grateful!

My (also ivf) son will be 3 at the end of January. I did not really enjoy the baby stage as it was quite dull but I loved him to the moon and back. Now he can talk and have a conversation and makes me laugh. Apart from the usual tantrums he is a wonderful little person! Keep going, it gets better - and he sleeps well now!

Hello op, I just wanted to say that I came on here to look for posts on this topic and found yours - I feel the same, ivf baby too. I love my baby so much but it’s such a change of pace. I don’t have any answers for you but just offering some solidarity xx

Thanks all, really appreciate hearing that I'm not alone in not enjoying the newborn phase. As other pp have said I feel the guilt is increased by having gone through IVF to get here, and I feel very ungrateful!

I'm feeling a bit better today, I've booked on to some classes, and it stopped raining for once so we managed a walk in the park. I've also kept reminding myself this is not forever and one day he will be interesting! Like a pp said I got pregnant to have a child, not a baby so in the long term hopefully it will all work out. DH is very supportive, and has suggested if there's a next time he shares my parental leave more so that we can do the shit bit at the start together!

It's good to know I'm not alone in feeling like this, thank you vipers.

@welshweasel that's your opinion. Like I said, I was trying to help OP. It seems like you also had a problem with me saying 'bubs'? If you haven't got anything nice to say, it's best not to say it at all! You sound stuck up.

It's definitely hard and tedious. My DD is 16 months now and she's much more interesting and rewarding to parent. Some things are harder now, but other are easier!

I agree with what everyone says about taking advantage of the newborn portability. I don't feel like I appreciated that enough at the time.

Although, I find that when people say how portable tiny babies are they are thinking in comparison to toddlers. They are still a lot less portable than the no baby you had before! I found it all a bit overwhelming when DD was tiny and often struggled to get out and about, and then ended up feeling guilty because people kept telling me what an easy stage this was!

My DD is almost 5 months old and I hate to say it but I have moments where I wish I'd never had her. I love her but I miss my old life.
I thought I was doing a bit better but I went out for food and drinks with a friend yesterday who doesn't have any children and I had such a good day, not having to worry about DD and the endless boredom of nappy changes and feeding. I miss my independence and freedom. Selfish yes, but I miss just having to worry about myself. I miss lie ins and weekends with my OH when we could just do what we wanted.
I was made redundant two months before I had DD so have been off for seven months now. I want to go back to work part time next year but the thought of applying for jobs, interviews etc is a bit overwhelming. Plus we have no childcare help/family who can look after her whilst I attend interviews so that could be tricky in itself.