tell me it gets easier!

[willothewisp17]

tell me that the newborn stage gets easier, tell me that the relentless crying stops and there are good, happy times to come that aren't always filled with stress and anxiety

Having a Premature baby is so different to having a full term baby. Our son was born 12 weeks premature nearly 5 years ago. I can honestly say it took us more than 3 years to get back on our feet. I coped ok when he was in the NICU well as well as I could having a baby on life support but it all crumbled for me when we approached his first birthday. I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder. This is very common condition in parents who have premature babies. It was a very tough time. I think the fact we had to hand over complete control of our child to medical staff when he was in NICU made me super controlling over his care when he came home. I even took a career break from my job as I couldn't cope with someone else minding him. I wish I had reached out for help from family and friends. Take all the help u can and make sure u put your health as a priority too as the NICU is very traumatic and the stress can make u very ill. Premature babies needs can be all consuming in those early weeks/ months/ years but it will get easier. Seek all the support u can. Sending u hugs x

Yes, it gets better and you have a little comedian who has you in fits of laughter, or a budding professor who delights in telling you the life cycle of the russet tailed bumblebee.

Oh dear OP, I really feel for you. I loathed the newborn stage. I was constantly exhausted, constantly terrified that something awful would happen to my DD. I couldn’t bear to have her out of my sight but craved a break. Does this sound familiar? If it does then I would urge you to seek help from your HV or your GP. It is normal to find the newborn stage exhausting and relentless but if it goes boyond that then don’t be afraid to ask for help. I didn’t and looking back, I am pretty sure I had undiagnosed PND.

what if she forgets me, starts to not wants me, doesn't know who I am

Baby loves you OP - accept the help

Please reach out for help, OP; it's a tough time and no one will judge you for asking. Your DD thinks you are her whole world at the moment and she will not forget you. I have my own (16 month) DD asleep on my lap and she is VERY definite about who her mummy is! Just hang in there. I also found that the more mobile they get, the easier it gets.

Hang on in there OP. It does get easier! There will of course be other challenges as baby grows up but you will be fine.

Don't feel guilty about accepting help. Your baby won't forget you! But you do need to look after yourself too in order to look after your child!

Yes, I promise it gets easier. I had a screamer and well remember the mix of relief/guilt/inadequacy/jealousy etc when someone else could calm her.

It probably won't be helpful for me to say this as it's only now, years later that I can accept it without further guilt but they do pick up on your anxieties and this is why other people sometimes have more success settling them so do whatever you can to relax-whether this is taking 10 minutes for yourself when someone else has got her, sticking some headphones in and carrying on through the crying-whatever.

Also, try to remember that she loves you unconditionally and she won't remember this stage.

Have you got a wrap sling? This was always quite calming for mine as was a tummy tub bath (those seem to have gone out of fashion a bit now).

Also, don't be afraid to tell your hv or gp how you're feeling-I wish I had.

Rheged that pretty much sums it up! desperately wanting a break and then desperately wanting her back! she is staying at my mums tonight and I'm just about ready to go and check on her, for no apparent reason as she is asleep and fine! I just feel like I have to see her, I have to see her face one last time tonight!

TellMeIAmBonkers the crying really is unexplainable! she does have reflux (well, she did when she was born but it appears to be much better now) but she is on medication for that, she was constipated for a while because of the medication but i got it changed and that's sorted that out. as for hunger, I feed her on demand, and she has recently started to take much more milk than she ever used to. I feel I'm not explaining properly, she doesn't scream 24/7, she is my lovely little pudding most of the time, but it seems to be same time every night she is so upset! in between stages aswell right now where she wants to do things and gets bored easily but can't really do anything about it and nothing holds her attention for long! hates having to be held uptight for 20-30 mins after a feed and just wants down on her play mat to kick but I can't let her because of reflux!

not even touching on the fact that she came home from hospital on oxygen and is currently getting weaned off it for a certain amount of hours every day, when her time is up and she's due to go back on her oxygen it's like all hell has broken loose trying to restrain her head to tape her nasal cannulas back down! and all the while I can't help but feel guilty, because if she wasn't premature she wouldn't need all this annoyance to her!!

Oh love. I had one of the easiest newborns imaginable and I felt how you felt. The impending anxiety that makes you want to take over even though you're desperate for a break. I know. It's horrible. I wanted to love those newborn days but I didn't. I had PND/anxiety which I still have to some extent but it lessened a great deal by the time my son was around 8 months.

It does get easier. But do not be afraid to ask for tangible mental health help if you're finding it unbearable and unmanageable. It does NOT make you a bad mother. Some people adapt and cope differently than others and I can still say I have days where I don't cope at all and my son is nearly 13 months old

My DD was 7 weeks early and it was really tough at first because our newborn stage went on for 7 extra weeks. I had lots of tears and feelings that I wasn’t doing well; a lot of which was brought on by being up every 2 hours in the night. Then she dropped her 1am feed, and allowed me to put her down and it started feeling so much more manageable.
Talk to people though; I was really struggling with the after effects of the trauma of my DD arriving so early and talking to my family really helped.

should add that my blood pressure has never came down since birth, and she's almost five months old now. gp wants to put me on blood pressure medication now as she thinks it is the after effects of the pregnancy on my physical health but deep down I can't help but think I don't need a blood pressure table, I need to calm the hell down!

I really think you need to talk to health care professionals about how you feel. To be honest it sounds as if you have some PND as well as having had a tricky start to life with your baby.
Everyone is better at some stages of parenting than others.
It will get better.

But for now get help.

I actually found newborn stage easier than having a 3 year old, my next baby will probably make me regret ever saying that!

Yes you WILL miss the newborn stage when they're 2!

HEAVEN and the very very best stage of all (to me anyway) is just around the corner OP. Try your hardest to be excited and look forward to them sitting up and looking round the room! It's the cutest! My DD used to sit and watch life go past. Watch the dog. So content! So cute!

I know it's hard but you'll get through it!! X

I have never once missed the newborn stage with dd! So far nothing has come close to the terror and seismic shift in life that a difficult newborn brings with them!

I don't imagine I'll ever miss it, a toddler can at least communicate with you in some sort of way! talk to you, answer you back! I know that every stage will come with its own challenges, but this stage is just exhausting! it's not the lack of sleep, I can deal with that, it's the crying and not being able to do a single thing to help or console her. it's very lonely being in the house yourself with nothing but a tiny little being that relies solely on you!

My baby is 5 months and it does get easier!!

Yes you WILL miss the newborn stage when they're 2!

DS is 2. Like fuck do I miss the newborn stage.

I actually like the newborn stage (until about 10 weeks), but most people find it really hard. Toddlers can be fun, as can teenagers (another of my favourite stages despite being so hard).

But do get out of the house as much as possible. Mum and baby groups are for Mums, and just walking in the fresh air is good for your mental health.
It is also often surprising just how long after birth it takes for your hormones to return to”normal”, years not months.

You've described me with a newborn. It is relentless. I can unequivocally tell you that it does get better. Babies 'know their own'. Nobody will be as good as Mammy. Nobody. Somebody might have the knack to wind the baby, or be happy enough to change a soiled nappy (because it's not the eleventy millionth one they've changed that day), but nobody will even come close to you.
You're doing a good job. I find people who find it easy tend to be the ones taking shortcuts. I know a couple of mothers who just shoved a bottle in their mouth whenever they even opened their mouths and the children are now obese. But it shut them up at the time I suppose.
On a practical level, get a little short plastic chain thing to clip the dummy to her clothing and she might be able to find it herself when she spits it out?
Are you using Infacol? It was my life saver.

I'm with you Waytrose !!! x 100

Yeah, I don't miss the newborn stage and my DD is six! I miss it so little I couldn't bear to have another baby.

It does get better OP. Looking back I wish I'd got help for my anxiety back then as it was through the roof.

Likewise Waytrose, that’s why I’m officially one and done! Had PND when DS was born, but refused to acknowledge that’s what it was until a year had passed and I was feeling more human. In retrospect I should’ve asked for more help. OP you’re absolutely doing the right thing by getting support from others. The newborn phase can be shitty beyond belief. But it DOES get better; my DS is 2 now and he is incredible. I love just hanging out with him and chatting about the world and nothing and nonsense. It’s perfect.