Clingy 3mo?

[AnxietyStrikes]

Hi,
I've just come home from a weeks stay at my mums and I'm really upset by some of my mum's comments.
Dd has her vaccinations on Monday so was pretty grumpy Monday night and Tuesday. She was crying alot and wanted to be held and be asleep, which was fine because i knew she was feeling poorly from her jabs. My mum wanted to hold her and cuddle her and dd just screamed and got very upset when my mum was holding her.
My mum then made lots of comments about how I'm spoiling her, and the reason she is so 'demanding' is because of how I am looking after her.

Usually to get dd to sleep in the day I rock her to sleep otherwise she doesn't sleep at all and gets very over tired. It's not ideal but anyone who's dealt with an overtired hysterically screaming baby by the end of everyday will know how awful it is. This prompted so much criticism from my whole family that I felt like a really bad mum.

I was supposed to stay two weeks but came.home after a week because of how they made me feel! But are they right? Now I can't help but think maybe I'm doing it all wrong?

'Clingy' is normal for a 3 month old baby (esp if they've just had their jabs). Its normal for them to start to be very attached to their primary carer (usually but not always the mother, of course).

Sounds like you were responding naturally to normal needs, and your family were being unhelpful rather than supportive. It sounds to me like its them, not you.

Yep what Errol said.
Your mum was probably just feeling a bit put out because your DD didn't want to be held by her. Just carry on doing what works for you.

Don’t make themsecond guess your parenting. You sound like you’re doing amazingly.

DD who just turned four months usually needs me to cuddle her in bed and breastfeed her for her to sleep in the afternoon for a decent length of time. I don’t give a crap what anyone thinks about this, it works for us & DD is happy and rested and thriving.

My DD also prefers me when she’s upset, she will go to people when not upset but will look around for me and smile when she sees me. I’m her primary carer of course she prefers me to extended family who see her once in a blue moon!

I don’t think it’d possible to spoil a little baby either.

Your family sound really mean piling in on a new mum. I’d not go to stay at theirs again.

My twins are 13 months now but this brings back memories of when they were teeny tiny like your DD.
They are my first children and I felt like I was constantly just trying to do the 'right' thing (still am!) and it's such hard work, always second guessing and wondering, my mind constantly thinking about whether what I was doing was helping or hindering. Very stressful, and I found it worse when around family.

Your DD and your parenting all sound completely and utterly normal. It’s wonderful —criticising— correcting someone else’s parenting once you’ve raised your own . People forget just how it was when they were at your stage in life. Your mum sounds nuts. Just ignore her or better stay at home away from her for now. You don’t need a band of people critiquing whilst trying to comfort a screaming grizzly baby.

Of course your baby just wants you.. they have just spend the last 9 months inside your body. You are all they know. You cant spoil a baby of that age. They dont have the mental capacity to manipulate or demand things. They have a need and express it by crying. Carry on responding to your baby as they need you.

Don't mind them. I got that shite as well. Your baby is only 3 months old and what you are doing is normal i.e. Caring and loving your baby. They are not master manipulators at that age!

Thank you all for the reassurance! It's just put my mind at ease that I'm not doing it all wrong!

As a ftm I'm just doing what i think is best and not having the support of my family is so hard. I have really struggled since dd was born with crippling anxiety and my family just can't understand it.

Thank you all for making me feel so much better

You're welcome. This, more than anything else is exactly what MN is for. Don't hesitate to post under the Parenting topic (avoid AIBU!) if you're not getting real life support.

Anxietystrikes I have been through exactly the same as you soon as I had a c Section I stayed at my mums for 2 weeks they wanted me to stay longer my mum was onna bout Breastfeeding too I had no supply had to take fenugreek and use a electric pump it was so hard work some ppl are so lucky to have breast milk I was formula feeding on side too then I wanted to go home when I use to come to my mums baby use to cry when we use to leave her in bouncer and my sister said oh it's bad habits I heard her say it to my mum when I was in kitchen so I went off on one and told her it's my baby I'm with her 24/7 what's up to you I hardly go to my mums now and I'm scared to leave her with them too.
Ancient it's gone better now my Baby is nearly 6 months soon as I put her in cot she goes sleep she did need comfort when she had her injections

You're doing everything right!! Cuddling and holding and rocking - it's what they need and will foster a strong attachment. You can't spoil a baby. Keep up the amazing work mama xxx