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Parenting

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Trapped and looking for advice

8 replies

Wolf99 · 03/10/2017 23:50

First off, I'm hoping (as it had an option to be a guy) that being a Dad on Mumsnet is okay. I'd assume so...

I wanted to sound people out a little- effectively of late I've felt pretty trapped in a variety of ways. My marriage is more of a burden than a support, I'm very depressed about a raft of other things- and I'm not sure what to do. I hate the 'stay together for the kids' stereotype, but if I didn't have a daughter I think I would've effectively 'vanished' from my life a while ago.
As it is, I love my daughter very, very much- and having not had the best parents myself don't want to impact on her. At the same time I'm not sure what would be worse- a father she sees less often or a father that's been worn down to nothing.

I've tried talking to my wife about it, but I get the distinct feeling she thinks it's all hyperbole and I'm just saying I'm upset with the CAPS ON, so to speak.

So... not sure how productive any advice can be, but it feels better than having it go around my head a thousand times a minute.

OP posts:
Ningnang2000 · 03/10/2017 23:55

Don't know the answer but it sounds like something needs to change. Can you have a frank talk with your wife when you are calm and not emotional to show it"s not a heat of the moment thing?

Wolf99 · 04/10/2017 00:01

Hi Ningnang.
I've tried- but... it's hard to characterise. Her responses vary between crying and apologising for some things to sort of nodding mutely and then, well, it seems there's a magic reset button every time she goes to sleep. The presumption seems to be that this was yesterday's discussion, and today we're playing Happy Families.

Several times I've then gone on to try and make the best of things/fix things, which I think has made her believe that I don't really mean any of it- which was my mistake.
Frankly, at the moment, I just don't think she cares very much- which doesn't help.

OP posts:
Ttbb · 04/10/2017 00:07

My father stayed with my mother for my sake. It is the single best thing that anyone has ever done for me. She was horrible to him, really just terrible, she made him physically sick but he pulled through it for me. And I am so grateful and happy too despite having her in my life. A girl needs her father. You won't be happy without her anyway. But it may be time to look for support outside your marriage (no, not an affair). Do you have a particularly close friend or family member that you could lean on? Otherwise you could consider professional support. Your daughter will not be a child for long, don't sacrifice the most precious thing that anyone could ask for-time with your child.

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Wolf99 · 04/10/2017 00:13

It's hard because we're not in a classically abusive relationship or anything- it's just increasingly loveless and unsupportive. Effectively my wife's not really interested in much when she's at home- she now lives for her work, really, and, to be fair, our daughter- though increasingly she's spending time with our daughter constantly on her phone (Facebook or something else).
It's got the point where I'm somewhat presuming she's having an affair- because if she's not I just think we've fallen out of love.

In terms of close friends- that's one of the reason I've been stressed a lot lately. The closer friends I have are all either deeply preoccupied and I've been seeing less and less of them or I've grown apart from. It's difficult because a lot of them are our mutual friends (we've been together since we were teenagers)- so I don't feel there's anyone I can really speak to that I don't then put in a really, really awkward position.

The down side is we've increasingly been arguing (and increasingly bitterly)- and I don't want my daughter to see that.
I feel like my entire life is on hold because, effectively, I'm stuck. I think the reality might just be that it has to stay that way until my daughter is older... but at the same time I wish I'd acted sooner, when she was too young to really understand what was going on.

OP posts:
Snoopyokay · 04/10/2017 15:39

Sorry to counteract on what TtBB says but likewise isn't it just as damaging to a child to grow up in an unhappy environment, surely she will notice the tension and arguements etc?

Would you still be able to have joint custody if you did split up? How would your wife react, do you think she would try and make things difficult for you? Have you asked her to attend counselling with you to see if things can be improved?

Wolf99 · 04/10/2017 16:09

Counselling's a difficult concept; the thing is she veers massively from saying it's all her fault, to basically claiming it's all to do with me. In the spirit of honesty and openness, I am pretty brutal/blunt when I get critical- but she also doesn't respond or even take anything in unless we have a row over something.

Case in point, we were discussing what to do for our daughter's birthday- and we both laid out a plan of action. I wanted to book a local soft play area my daughter loves- and offered to pay- and then wanted to invite other kids she is at the child minder's with. My wife nay-said it (for not very clear reasons), but then mostly because she had "already planned" how the birthday was going to go- and that she was in the process of hiring a bouncy castle and some other things. I yielded (it wasn't really a fight at this point), though with the proviso we try and focus the day on HER (because previous birthdays have been more gathering our friends - and as it was her 3rd and she's increasingly aware and engaged, I wanted the first birthday she really understood to be special).

The night before I asked about the bouncy castle details and about other kids her age- basically an innocuous- "What're we doing and who did you invite?"
The short version was, "A lot of OUR friends" (no kids her age she could play with) and she'd decided the bouncy castle was too much fuss.

I will be very honest in that I somewhat exploded over this (I closed the door to the kitchen so to muffle as much from our daughter as I could) and told my wife I was very unhappy, that she was focusing her daughter's birthday celebration on stuff SHE wanted to do rather than on our daughter. The crux of the response was, "She won't know. She likes it when people are over."
I then simply said she was being a bad and lazy parent, and that as she'd gain-said me organising something I knew our daughter would like it was now up to her to make good on her plans. She somewhat gave me a bit of the run-around (claiming, "I never PROMISED I'd get the bouncy castle" etc. etc.- "It's alright because I didn't tell HER.")- so far, so standardly unhealthy.
However, she STILL holds that against me, and claims it was me "insulting her" and "abusing her", rather than as I see it, legitimately criticizing her. In turn she then just avoids me/doesn't talk to me because she says I'm irrational and can't be spoken to without it leading to an argument (this gets circular, because effectively the biggest problem in our marriage is her saying she'll do stuff she then never does, so she then avoids me because she knows I'm annoyed about it... etc. etc.).

We had a big 'state of the union' discussion earlier- and three weeks later this came up AGAIN- and the thing that really upsets me is, for my part, it was about my daughter. I wanted the best for her, and already felt bad because her birthday was a weekend OTHER than the closest to her birthday (because we were doing something that weekend).

The thing is, as relatively small as these things might be, they ALWAYS end up escalating the same way, to a huge issue because neither one of us really back down, and then her response is to ignore me or pretty much avoid me for the next few days. The more that happens the more she just retreats to being on her phone, and the more I'm left (literally) holding the kid- which I don't object to, but it means if I've had a stressful day I end up feeling like a single parent with all the disadvantages of being married, and none of the support.

Heh- read this through. Talk about genderflipping a stereotype...

OP posts:
Snoopyokay · 04/10/2017 16:40

You don't sound well matched! Too much stress over things that shouldn't be stressful.

Also sounds like you can't communicate and sounds like both are struggling for control.

I'd be having a serious think about wether I wanted to stay in a marriage that isn't working for the next 10 or more years - surely it will just breed resentment and your daughter will suffer.

LuckyinOctober · 04/10/2017 17:20

Coming from a different perspective you sound depressed and that's a problem to address in itself - have you got any professional help with that? Just thinking depression can impact relationships and how we see them as well as dysfunction in relationships making us depressed. I agree with you that your daughter is a priority and your health is important for her happiness.

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