Please help 6 yo DD with rage

[tinkerbellone]

So sorry for the long post. I really need some advice.
Background. Single mum to four children eldest has aspergers.
Youngest is 6. She funny and sweet and loving. Is rather attached to me. She has absolute made bouts of rage where she attacks her siblings and screams. She says she's 'wound up'.
Tonight she screamed at me and threw her teddy at me. I lifted her out of bed (she shares a room with siblings) and she screamed more. I sat her on doorstep and she hammered and kicked the door in a rage. I let her in and she calmed down. I tried to talk to her calmly about why mummy was disappointed in her behaviour and she started laughing hysterically and doing this manic laughter.
She then wouldn't apologise for throwing the toy and said 'it was only a soft toy' and kept laughing.
I went to take her to my room to sit her on the bed and she screamed& screamed like I was going to attack her.
She calmed eventually and said sorry and I lay with her in my bed and we cuddled. She's in her bed now.

I've never seen behaviour like this with any of my other three. She blacked her older sisters eye. She bites and pulls hair. I have tried (for example) pulling her hair back and smacking and reward charts.

I wonder if she has autistic traits - over attachment to me, can't cope with change at school, school anxiety, laughing in serious situations (nerves?), overly rough and boisterous, all her labels had to be cut out of Clothes when she was little, she has to sleep nearly naked, she has to touch my skin all the time when with me, can't play on her own/imaginative play.
I know all these are normal for children. I'm just so worried about her.

Sounds like you handled it really well.
My dd is a little like this in terms of inconsolable with tantrums, very selective hearing, super sensitive with clothing & sleeps in knickers most nights but doesn't have the attachment/school issues.
I just try to stay calm and rational and repetitive.
Blowing out the imaginary candles over and over has worked til she forgets what the original strop was about, and we have a how am I feeling book written for children which has a range of emotions, positive & negative with strategies for dealing with them.
The best solution though is the one I like least because it feels like I'm sending her away when she needs me, but giving her space in her own room with a message of come and have a cuddle when you've calmed down generally works best - so time.
I know in the heat of the moment it's horrific but I try and think she's little she can't help it over and over.
Sleep also helps & less sugar.
Good luck

Muddlingalongalone thank you for saying I handled it well. I had melt down after and cried a lot. I feel like a failure, like I don't understand her and I'm failing her.
I think that's because my eldest wasn't diagnosed until she was 12; then everything made sense as to why she had always been so different to her peers. I felt she was let down by the school and I do t want the same thing to happen to my youngest. Although I don't want to label her al all. I want to meet her needs and parent her the best way I can.
Although staying calm is so hard.

Thank you for the suggestions I like the idea of blowing out imaginary candles.
What is the book called you recommended please?

You're asking for help so definitely not failing her.
Dd has closed her door tonight so I'll get you the book details in the morning.
Have also just remembered gonoodle. Loads of short videos but some are calming ones. Raising arms up and down v slowly is something to do with rainbows.
I often wonder whether there is something a little unusual about dd with the outbursts, crying at the drop of a hat, and the sensory stuff - she has issues with wooden toys as well as clothes, has no filter at all and struggles to stay still for more than about 10 seconds unless she's in front of a screen at which point there's no attracting her attention at all, but she does so well at school, definitely has imaginary play & empathy so then I just think it's me and I spend too much time on me and overthinking!

Thank you
I think I over think lol xx