husband's strict parent causing friction

[smedrock]

My husband tends to be much more strict than I do. He's a good Dad but not the 'fun Daddy' type. The kids respect him but lately he is constantly pulling my 8yo dd up on relatively minor things (like talking w mouth full or not putting something away). I can see that her self esteem is taking a hit and she tells me she is finding him difficult at times. She is a very sensitive and thoughtful child. Don't get me wrong--
he cooks and does bedtimes, laundry etc...and it's not shouty but can be very stern...a good person but just a serious person. 1950s dad! I've just tried to have a chat about it and he's said basically, she needs to be told. end of discussion. argh! How can I support them both?

That sounds difficult. Maybe talk.to him about how he is coming accross, that she won't feel she's doing right for doing wrong and he's being all 1950s picky dad, that she may stop listening to? . Would he listen and try to agree a joint approach that is more balanced, that you are happier with?

Suggest he starts to praise her for the things she does right as well as discipline her for the things she does wrong. Otherwise she will just end up worried every time he's around.

If he doesn't already do that...

thanks EmmaLou -- i like that approach !

yes, i worry about that later on....first talk didnt' go so well but i'll keep trying!