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Is this mean?

21 replies

boo64 · 08/04/2007 18:52

Dh and I love playing tennis.

We haven't played together for ages since ds was born (now 22 months)

Ds is very happy to sit beside where we are playing tennis on the court, he wanders around, potters with things that we have given him to play with for more than an hour.

He is safe as there is a fence round the court, so he can't go off, we look over every point and check he is ok. We go over really often and say hi or comment from where we are on what he is doing. He only came onto the court twice and was slow so we stopped playing as we wouldn't want him to get hit and would never play if he came on the court.

He is really happy and happier than at home there - I think as he is outside and there are dogs and birds to watch out for beside the court (on the other side of the fence)

He played for 1hr 20 mins today, faffing with empty plastic bottles we gave him, keys, a few toys and I am just wondering are we being selfish - or if he is happily playing should we just be grateful we can do this and he is so good at entertaining himself!? Are we kind of neglecting him?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
boo64 · 08/04/2007 18:53

p.s. just to clarify he stays literally about 10 to 15 feet away at the net area so a. very close to us and b. can't get hit

OP posts:
DeviousDaffodil · 08/04/2007 18:56

We don't have to give our kids all of our attention all f the time.
If he is happy enough crack on.

SquonkyDonkeyEasterEggs · 08/04/2007 18:57

I see no problem with that. He is safe, he is enjoying himself. If you play with him all the time, he will never be independent.

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pooka · 08/04/2007 18:57

If he's happy pottering about, then make the most of it! Let him potter while you both enjoy yourselves.

MrsApron · 08/04/2007 18:57

no you are encouraging his imagination and ability to play by himself.

benign neglect tis a good thing.

FairyEdwards · 08/04/2007 18:57

of course it isn't mean - you know it isn't surely!

boo64 · 08/04/2007 18:59

I just feel a bit guilty as we 'leave him to it' quite a lot - he is such a potterer and I wonder whether we should play more with him

I guess he gets a fair amount of attention given he is an only child/ first and if he had older siblings he'd be ignored a lot anyway!!

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WideWebWitch · 08/04/2007 18:59

Blimey of course it's not mean, do it while you can!

RIELOVESBACARDI · 08/04/2007 18:59

ENJOY YOURSELVES IF YOUR BOTH HAPPY THEN HE WILL BE TO

boo64 · 08/04/2007 19:00

www - that hints at the idea he might not always be happy doing this!?? Will he grow out of it?

I know it is a bit of a stupid question and there are bigger problems in this parenting lark and life in general but I just wanted to get rid of my guilt!!

OP posts:
boo64 · 08/04/2007 19:00

p.s. and no I'm not even of a certain religion renowned for feeling guilty!!

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WideWebWitch · 08/04/2007 19:01

You shouldn't feel guilty, not remotely. He may always be happy doing it but when he gets a bit older may not be, my 3.5 yo is still perfectly happy to play alone while we read papers/whatever whereas my ds wouldn't have been at the same age.

WideWebWitch · 08/04/2007 19:02

And this SO isn't neglect! No where NEAR! Really, it sounds lovely

boo64 · 08/04/2007 20:13

Thanks all.

Will get on with it without feeling guilty and enjoy myself! He does really seem very happy doing this and knowing him would let us know if he is miffed as he isn't slow to voice his annoyances (loudly!) bless him!

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bunnypeculiar · 08/04/2007 20:18

That sounds liek the sort of thing my dd would love too - a bit of time exploring on your own without parents showing you stuff all the time is entirely good for them, imho ... & a chance to see mummy & daddy happy together is a great learning experience

MrsApron · 08/04/2007 20:48

benign neglect

boo64 · 08/04/2007 21:13

Hey maybe we could start a 'laissez faire' parenting movement.

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FrannyandZooey · 08/04/2007 21:16

It sounds wonderful, as long as he is happy (and he is), I think it is a fantastic thing for everyone concerned! I

Lazycow · 08/04/2007 22:34

Sounds lovely to me. Enjoy it - no way would ds have been happy to potter at this age (or even now - he'd be on the court hassling us all the time). I'm

This is in no way neglect.

boo64 · 08/04/2007 22:39

He takes after dh who makes a sport out of pottering - it takes him ages to do anything as he ponders so much.

I am pretty amazed at how long he can faff for courtside (ds not dh but then again he can too...) I never even thought of trying to play with him there until a week or two ago as just assumed he'd run on court/ whinge (he is a champion whinger bless him)!

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ekra · 09/04/2007 21:01

It sounds like a lovely way to spend some time together. If your DS felt neglected he'd be the first to let you know that! Good for you and DH managing to play tennis together. Keep doing it for as long as you can get away with it

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