My baby wants a baby

[1stTimeMummy3298]

So my 13 DD really really wants a baby it's like some desperate urge. I thought it was just a normal thing and that I could turn her off by mentioning the early wake ups/lack of sleep or dirty nappies and stuff like that but it's not just a cute baby she wants... she wants everything! All the nappies and night feeds and everything she wants to do it all and has had plenty of practice with all of it with her brother. She knows she can't have a baby and she's a straight A student who knows why she can't have one but that doesn't stop her from wanting one inside and she cries all the time because she really wants a baby and she knows she can't have one. I've never dealt with this before and I need to know how to help her with these feelings. Any help is greatly appreciated :)

Tell her everyone gets broody throughout their life, but it's better to only act on that desire when you're in a position to have a baby. Remind her if she did actually have a baby now she'd feel exactly the same in a year's time! (Does she feel this particularly when her period is due?)

Do you have any pets?

Of course she can have a baby but she needs to get ready for it and that means getting a good education, steady work, finding a man who will make a good dad to it - can you focus her on it as a ten year plan?

MyBrilliantDisguise no we don't have any pets and I honestly can't say it's any more or less during her period because she just talks about it all the time how she wants to get up for the night feeds and everything else that comes with having a baby and I feel really bad that she wants one this badly 😩

RJnomore1 thanks you for your advice I think that's a great idea and will definitely try it! 😊

This is linked to low levels of optimism for the future. That would worry me. I would try to do things with her that will increase her sense of self-efficacy and her sense of self.

If she feels overwhelmed by the thoughts of round after round of exams and not every child is cut out for that, talk to her about all of the different options out there. Tell her there are many routes to a rewarding life.

Is she turned off by school? Does she feel that life happens to her rather than that she is the driving force behind her own life?

(I felt powerless at 13 too, so that's not a criticism of her)

You could always set the alarm for every hour on the hour!

In all seriousness, does her school offer childcare as a course?
If they do, they can lend out doll that are programmed to behave like a real baby.
It might be a wake-up call for her if she had to look after one for the week. You could always ask them to program it to the 'worst' settings...

Arses 'dolls'.

It's not always linked to low aspiration. I was broody on and off at 16, then when my dad died at 18 I really wanted a baby.
I didn't have one. I went to university and did a post grad to fulfill my career aspirations but the broodiness was still there. I had my first baby in the first year of my professional career, aged 24.
I think it's a good idea to acknowledge her yearning to be a mum but reinforce that she'll want to be the best Mum for her baby, to give her child all the best opportunities in life (and yes, get the best stuff, because nothing makes you broody like baby clothes and buggies). If she wants the type of experience she dreams of, she'll need to be able to support them both, ideally in a loving, supportive relationship, with someone with good genes.
I suspect her hormones might be a bit haywire. Does she even have a boyfriend? You really need to lay it on thick about contraception, because if she feels like this, it would be easy for her to 'slip up'.

mineofuselessinformation research suggests those babies increase the feelings of wanting a child.

You mentioned a younger brother.

How old is he?

Did she get jealous of the attention he got?

Does she realise that a baby becomes a child-a tantruming toddler, a school aged child who needs driven everywhere, a hormonal teen who will want her to be a sub-30yo granny??

Yes mineofuseless I was going to say what changer said - m.scidev.net/global/health/news/robot-baby-teenage-pregnancy.html

TealDeal747 my DS is 2 and very much into his tantruming stage 😂 I always try my very best to give equal attention and I've asked her if she thinks he gets more than her and she's always said no. She's been looking after him (i.e. Doing night feeds, holding, bathing, walking, the lot) (although not all the time obviously because I didn't want her to think she was just a babysitter but she always really enjoyed it) but she's been doing all that since he was a newborn

Sounds like she enjoys the babycare and wants to be like you!

You just have to explain that having a child is more than babycare e.g. Money, housing, work, impact on friendships and relationships.

Out of interest why did she start doing so much of this type of caring including night feeds etc. If she's done it since 2 year old was a newborn she was 11? Just seems a lot compared with the people I know who've had gaps between children. Does she have her own extra curricular activities/friends to spend weekends with etc?