My 14 year old son has no friends. He had a lot of friends growing up. He was invited to birthday parties and had a lot of play dates. I got him involved in every activity possible but is not really athletic. He has flat feet, asthma, wears glasses and a little overweight. He loves video games, board games and movies. He is a bright, loving and obedient teen and we are a close family. I have put him in every sport/activity possible since he could walk but he never really enjoyed or excelled at much.
About two years ago I noticed his old friends were not calling as much but I had him busy curling during the weekends and he enjoyed that. He also spent time with my best friends son that is also the same age (and curled with him) so I was not overly worried. Throught the past few years though I noticed he has been spending more time alone in his room playing games or in his phone. He was not doing as well on his curling team as well, as his teammates were getting much than him and my friends son started growing a lot and going through puberty. My sons "friends" at school also started growing, changing, becoming more athletic while my son pretty much stayed the same. My son is always happy when I see him around his peers, he is usually just following them around, trying to be funny and fit in. I really don't get it, he may be a little shy, but there is nothing off putting about him? He is nice and friendly and there have been a few boys that really liked him as they themselves were outcasted but they also had other interests outside of school and my son didn't really want to hang out with them. He confided in me though that he often felt "invisible" & I had to hold back the tears.
But, my despair turned into hope when I saw him during his grade 8 graduation this summer. He had the time of his life. My husband was chaperoning and told me he was dancing and laughing all night and even danced with a few girls. I thought that the summer would turn things around, but it didn't. He was often on social media seeing all his friends get together doing all these fun things while he sat around. I decided to get him volunteer at a local science program for kids this summer and he did loved it. Unfortunately, all the other volunteers were "old" (in their 20's..but old to him):).
As high school was approaching this fall I was cautiously optimistic that he would meet friends. Even though he knows two "friends" from middle school going to his high school this would be s new start, now he could find others like him?
Well, high school started and one of my sons friends moved on and found new friends(pretty much has ignored my son) & his other "friend" from middle school is still around ..well kind of. I was very excited for my son when he got some texts the first week of school from a new kid he met. This boy just moved to the city. His new friend loves games, movies, anime, Star Wars and he is nice to my son!! He asked him to join a club with him, but instead they started their own film club!! Seriously I couldn't sleep at night thinking my son has a real friend & I secretly cried tears of joy believing my son was not awas staying up late every night writing scripts with his friend, texting, laughing...sending jokes..no video games have been played! I have never seen my son so happy & excited!!! I wish I took a pic of his glowing face! Then, all of a sudden, his "cool friend" from middle school decided to join their club along with another boy. And before you know it, his cool friend has taken over. My son invited the new boys(and his cool friend) to our house to work on their film but the plans changed & his cool friend invited the boys to his house instead behind my sons back. My son was invited last minute as he was texting them like crazy trying to figure out what was going on. But, due to other plans we had he couldn't go. The boys slept over at the cool friends house and he became "cooler". Now, to my sons dismay, his new friend and cool friend have become really close..."best friends" according to my son. Even though this new kid is "like him" he is much more social and outgoing. I told my son to ask his new friend to an anime/game convention but he has not done so. He has tried sitting with him in class but his "friend" from middle school got upset a guy him and told him thatthis boy "is his friend". My son has totally lost his confidence. I asked him to reach out to his new friend via text to invite him over and my son said he did. I have checked his phone, messages and my son lied to me. In fact, my son has not deleted any of his messages. He has messaged his new friend a few times but not much. He has sat alone at lunch a few times, and tried to be strong when he overheard his new friends and that damn middle school friend "leader" talk about the upcoming school dance that they did not invite him to. And he is too embarrassed to invite himself.
He is left behind again. I just can't believe this. I have encouraged him to join others groups, but he has not. I have tried to help him work on social skills but he gets offended. He has no one to play video games with...his old friends and acquaintances have moved on, are busy and not online. He only loves video games when he has someone to play with. He sits alone looking at videos on his phone. I told him I am willing to do have the boys over anytime, fund the movie, whatever it takes. I keep the doors of communication open but I just can not figure out why my funny, cute, loving son is so alone. My hope for high school has been crushed. I think he is crushed as well. He seems different, and he has lied to me about a few things. I wish I know what he is going through. I asked him to look around for other kids, like him. He tells me that it seems everyone knows everyone, has groups already, and when he had a friend, his cool friend "took hiM". My invisible boy. Maybe, in his own way, he has accepted this since he is so used to rejection. He still has his volunteer position at the science center which will keep him busy on weekends. I guess I have to keep on encouraging him to be himself, yet work on himself and find other things?.(whatever it can be). What else can I do?? Heartbroken mom!